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Funny? You Should Ask
Hosted by Gene Weingarten
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, June 17, 2003; Noon ET
Gene Weingarten's controversial humor column, Below the Beltway, appears every Sunday in the Washington Post Magazine, generating more mail than Santa gets at Christmas. Not all of it is wildly condemnatory. Some of it is only mildly annoyed. Weingarten came to The Post in 1990 after being chased out of Miami at midnight by farmers with pitchforks and burning torches. He is also reputed to be close to persons thought to be familiar with individuals claiming to be authoritative spokesmen for the mysterious and reclusive Czar of The Style Invitational.
He is online, at any rate, each Tuesday, to take your questions, and abuse.
He'll chat about anything. The transcript follows.
Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control
over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.
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Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon.
I have not yet read Hillary Clinton's book, so can't offer a review. But I have read two pages of it, the ones involving me, and it offers an interesting glimpse at the
dextrous use of spin to garner public sympathy at the expense of -- well, for want of a better word -- truth.
On pages 174 and 175, Hillary recounts the Saturday exactly 10 years ago that she and Bill learned that The Post was going to carry an investigative obituary the next day -- Father's Day -- about William Blythe, Bill's natural father. Blythe had died in a car crash before Bill was born, and the story would disclose the existence of a half-brother neither Bill nor his mother had known about.
I wrote that story. It explained that Bill's father had been a traveling salesman, in both senses of the expression. He had spread his love far and wide.
According to Hillary, the story was a terrible blindsiding, a brutal Father's Day gift to Bill, and it forced Hillary to cancel dinner plans so she could break the shocking news to Virginia Kelley, Bill's mother. The dinner plans she cancelled were with Vince Foster! It was the last time she would have seen him alive! Who knows what might have happened had Vince been able to unburden himself to his old friend that night?
Hillary didn't go this far, but it's not hard to extrapolate: I KILLED VINCE FOSTER!
The only problem with this chronology is that it is basically wrong. Virginia Kelley knew precisely what the story was going to say ten days before it was published. I know that because I told her. I reached her by phone and not only told her all the details of Bill Blythe's life and prior marriages, but in the story I QUOTED HER AT LENGTH
REACTING TO THIS INFORMATION.
Is it possible that Mrs. Kelley did not alert her elder son of this? Possible, but hard to believe: Virginia Kelley cheerfully agreed to talk to me in person about it, so I hopped a plane to Little Rock and arrived at her door a few hours later. Alas, she was not receiving visitors. Her husband told me that she had reconsidered the interview
and that I was to phone a certain man. He gave me a piece of paper with that man's name and phone number.
It was Bob Bennett, Bill and Hillary Clinton's personal attorney. So I called him from a payphone, and he told me, in no uncertain terms, to stop bothering Mrs. Kelley. It was clear to me Bennett understood at least the broad outlines of the story I was doing.
Moreover, as the story indicated, Bill Clinton's half brother HIMSELF had written a long letter to Clinton when Bill was still the governor of Arkansas, explaining who he
was and begging for information about the family's health history. He had heart problems, and needed help. He never got an answer.
Whether Bill was ever informed of this correspondence is unknown; possibly his press office simply declined to tell him IN THE MIDDLE OF A PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN that there
was someone out there claiming to be his long-lost brother. But possibly they thought this was something the candidate should know.
So I'm really doubting that the blindsiding was really a blindsiding at all.
But there is one more thing. Hillary Clinton clearly believes this story to be a disrespectful, unfeeling, callous hatchet job. I don't think I can be a fair judge of whether she is right, but you can. The link is below.
The comic pick of the week, a weak week, is last Wednesday's Non Sequitur.
Questions? Comments?
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washingtonpost.com:
Non Sequitur (June 11)
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washingtonpost.com:
The First Father (Post, June 20, 1993)
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Gender Test:
I scored a 33. Does that mean I'm bordering on butch-lesbian or am I just a girl who's fun to take to hockey games? washingtonpost.com:
Below the Beltway (Post, June 15)
Gene Weingarten: I'm not sure. I got a long and funny letter from a male-to-female transgendered person who reported proudly that she got a 15, and seemed to see my test as a vindication of her decision.
To the other poster who said he couldn't take the test because he wanted to answer more than once to several questions -- well, yeah. You were supposed to. That's how I scored what I did.
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Inwhysee:
Gene,
Do you ever cook for your wife? Do you have a specialty?
Gene Weingarten: My wife is a wonderful, intuitive, inventive cook. I am not. I believe I make only fried eggs better than she does, and so, like all men, I show wholly disproportionate
pride in this accomplishment, strutting and preening and demanding lavish compliments on my achievement.
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Baltimore, Md.:
This really isn't a funny question, but I'm still curious (and I didn't want to ask Levey). At the Baltimore Sun, the staff writers are not putting their names on their bylines. I know the same thing happened at the Post not too long ago. As a former reporter (at a non-guild paper), I wonder does this really do any good? Does anyone really pay attention?
Gene Weingarten: I think the public doesn't give a crap. But the paper pays attention, which is the point. I think the newspaper sees it as an embarrassment. It is as though there was a banner above the masthead that said: Hi. We're The Baltimore Sun. Our Employees Hate Us.
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New York, N.Y.:
I thought this week's SI winner was of particularly high quality. washingtonpost.com:
The Style Invitational Week 510: Universal Embarrassment (Post, June 15)
Gene Weingarten: Me, too.
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You, Tah:
You, You, You.
Why is your chat always about you?
Gene Weingarten: Because YOU are less interesting.
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Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C.:
Gene,
You've really told too much about yourself here. Now, when my husband and I pass by you and your family in the neighborhood, it's awkward. We know who everyone is, whereas you don't know us. Isn't that bizarrre?
Gene Weingarten: Yes, that is the downside of being SO DARN INTERESTING.
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Downderi, Va:
I could not have foreseen the can of worms that I was opening when, a few short weeks ago, I submitted a question that included a reference to the woman (to whom I will be married at a ceremony in a few months and will subsequently be able to call my wife) as my "fiancee." I was unable to be at my computer during last week's chat, but saw the discussion about your objection to the use of the word because, in part, "It is French and therefore sounds pretentious and affected in casual conversation", and "It must either be pronounced incorrectly, in which the speaker sounds like a doltish ugly American, or it must be pronounced as one would speak it in French, which is to say requiring an elaborate nasalism which refer you back to point 1."
Avoiding your third point, which seems to be an objection solely to the word "fiancée," do you have similar objections to other words that are from languages other than English -- or is your view solely towards French words? For example, Yiddish words such as "chutzpah," "nudge" or "kvetch" (1) sound out of place (or are mispronounced) in "normal" conversation, and (2) require an elaborate nasalism (or sounds that are not usually found in English words). There are plenty of acceptable substitutes for these words -- "large amounts of nerve" for chutzpah, "someone who pesters or annoys" for nudge, and "a chronic complainer" for kvetch. But why use "perfect acceptable substitute expressions" when these words convey, in one word, what requires more than one word to convey otherwise (and, in my opinion, when these words add color and texture to language and conversation)? Or, in the irony of ironies, have you become more French-like -- deciding which words should become part of everyday "acceptable" conversation?
Gene Weingarten: No, if I were French-like, I would PROHIBIT other people from using these expressions. I am more Jewish-like, expressing my extreme disappointment at persons using those expressions, but telling them, fine, if you want to sound like a pretentious snot, it's FINE WITH ME.
And yes, it is the Frenchness that sounds pretentious. It just is. It is not a coincidence that when Jim Henson wanted to summarize Miss Piggy's pretentiousness, he had her say, "moi?"
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Washington, D.C.:
Shouldn't the guy who draws "Blondie" be illustrating for a men's magazine instead? Check out the guest character in Monday's strip this week. They let him draw like this on the comics page? washingtonpost.com:
Blondie, (June 16)
Gene Weingarten: I noticed this, too!
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Portland, Ore.:
So my friend and I, both word curmudgeons, need you to resolve an argument. You may consider it a catfight, in our negligees, if that image helps us get an answer.
I say my crummy local newspaper is worse, on the basis of a front-page story on the Oregon Health Plan. The hed on the story reported on the state "Heath Plane." My friend contends that her crummy local newspaper walks away with the incompetence prize, citing its recent hed, "Officials say rash of possible overdoses in past month is common."
Okay, hers is more subtle and thus more pleasing in a certain sense, but surely the abject miserable incompetence of my crappy paper wins.
Help us, Obi-Gene.
Gene Weingarten: The negligee thing is very disturbing.
I agree with your friend. Your example gives evidence only of a carelessly edited paper. Hers is a sign of extreme mental weakness. Your use of "hed" betrays you as a professional journalist.
Professional journalists fighting in negligees.
Very disturbing.
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Washington, D.C.:
What's the difference between 'yea' & 'yeah'?
Gene Weingarten: "Yeah!" is what one would say while contemplating professional journalists fighting in negligees.
"Yea" is what a senator would say, voting yes.
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Mechanicsville, Va.:
What about the Fox Trot meta-comic on Sunday?
I showed it to my wife and she didn't get it. Do you think some of this meta-tooning is going over the heads of the casual comics reader?
Gene Weingarten: I almost made this the comic pick of the week, but then reconsidered because I am beginning to tire of the meta thing. They've all been pretty good tho. Pastis started it.
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Comic of the Week:
No, no! It was clearly the Boondocks re: the email from J.H. Christ. That was a classic.
Gene Weingarten: I liked this too, but it is a little heavyhanded, no?
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New York, N.Y.:
What's "yay?"
Gene Weingarten: "Yeah" is either yes, without the screamer, or "oh boy" with it.
A screamer is journalistese for an exclamation point.
"Yay" is "hooray!"
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Columbia, Md.:
Gene -- Read your article on Bill Clinton's real dad when it came out -- it was sober, truthful and while unpleasant for his son and wife to hear, not a hatchet job in my opinion. How did Bill and Hil convince themselves they are beyond the rule that media attention on your family, past and present behavior, etc. goes with running for President.
Gene Weingarten: Well, I agree with you. Predictably. Meredith, can you now post that letter to the editor from back in 1993, that takes the opposite position?
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Washington, D.C.:
You gotta admit Gene, it doesn’t look good for you, causing Hillary to cancel dinner with Vince Foster so she could attend to a crisis of your creation. You protesteth too much, methinks, with your surmises about who knew what about your article and when. Everyone liked Vince. And why make fun of the grammar of poor white Americans in the original article?
Gene Weingarten: A crisis of my creation????
He was the newly elected president, and this was the first story to explain who his dad was. You don't think that was a fair story?
But anyway, this is why I put it out there.
I wasn't making fun of the grammar of poor white Americans. "Might could've" is a regionalism. It's not ignorant, it's colorful. I hadn't heard it before, so looked it up.
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washingtonpost.com:
On Father's Day? (Post, June 26, 1993)
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In, FO:
Your chat today shares e-space with an add for Laser Hair Removal that features a model in a skimpy top showing off her lack of underarm hair.
Just thought you should know that.
Gene Weingarten: Thank you.
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Arlington, Va.:
Oh my! Do I now have to skip this chat and your column because I actually admire and like the Clintons?
Gene Weingarten: If that seems an appropriate reaction to you, I guess you do.
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Arlington, Va.:
Various song-lyric websites routinely mis-use the word "yea," making the Beatles sound like they're voting in the House of Commons.
Gene Weingarten: I know. I've noticed that.
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Daphne, Ala.:
I had a French friend when I lived in Mobile about 10 years ago who named his newborn daughter Daphne, because he could name her in Alabama whatever he wanted; if she had been born in France, he would have been required to name her a name previously used in the family. He thus was able to add some variety in name to his family tree because he was living in Alabama.
They is odd in other lands, huh?
Gene Weingarten: In France you are restricted to naming children after a relative? Is this possibly true?
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Alexandria, Va.:
Is Garfield meeting himself from 25 years ago a meta thing? Or is it just a stupid thing?
Gene Weingarten: Both.
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Clinton's Brother:
Very well written article, hadn't seen it before. What ever happened with Clinton's half-brother? Did they ever get in touch with each other?
Gene Weingarten: I think they did. Clinton basically had to, because people kept asking.
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Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C.:
I think there is a difference between knowing that somewhere out there you have an illigitmate half-sibling, and reading about him in the Washington Post. It's personal and it had no place in the public press. It wasn't Clinton's fault that his father fathered another child... and he didn't owe that guy anything.
Gene Weingarten: This is an interesting view, and I'd love to hear other thoughts on it.
I believe that when someone runs for public office, he or she is sacrificing a significant right to privacy. Not all rights to privacy, but significant rights.
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Annandale, Va.:
After you made such a big point in a February chat about not wanting to hear any Shuttle Columbia jokes, how could you print that NASA entry in Sunday's SI?
Gene Weingarten: The key to the answer here is a wprd in your question: "February."
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Reston, VA:
Hmmm, on my browser you have a Victoria's Secret ad, not the other one mentioned by In, FO washingtonpost.com:
Different computers/users = different ads. Technology: changing all our lives.
Gene Weingarten: Interesting.
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Washington, D.C.:
We are known by our first and last name in this society if not the world. But when we become notorious or criminals our middle name is inserted. I'll explain -- Eric Robert Rudolph (accused Olympic bomber), Derek Todd Lee (accused of killing Louisiana women), even Lee Harvey Oswald (well you know), etc.
But my point. Why are our middle names important when we become famous and notorious? And Gene, do you know these famous people's middle names minus the notoriety? Oprah Winfrey, Rupert Murdoch, Ted Turner, George W. Bush (is 'dubbya' or 'W' his middle name?) I don't know their middle names either. But anyway, see what I mean?
Gene Weingarten: There's actually an answer to this, first revealed in Joel Achenbach's Why Things Are column, about 15 years ago. It is because when people are arrested, particularly for dastardly acts, the police are careful to report as much information about them -- and the media is eager to report all that information, for legal reasons. You want to distinguish Lee Harvey Oswald from other Lee Oswalds out there. And the three names stick.
The only one I can think of that didn't is Sirhan Sirhan. Who remembers that initially his name was given as "Sirhan Bishara Sirhan." Well, I do. But it's understandable why that dropped away.
Interestingly, when someone IS known by three names, they are almost unrecognizable if the three are not used. Who the hell is Erle Gardner? John Dulles?
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Public Office:
So, Gene, should you choose to run for public office, what kinda dirt would be dug up on you? Confession is good for the soul and all that.. Could they get a few good snide comments outta levy or wilbon (or hax even) ? Would the czar be fully unmasked, and would that be a credit or debit towards your public image ?
Gene Weingarten: I am completely inoculated! At one time or another I have written about everything rotten and sordid I ever did.
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Re: Blondie:
Why, why, why is Dagwood not looking at the woman?
I guess when you've got Blondie...
Gene Weingarten: Dagwood is not looking at the woman because he does not know what she looks like. He is asleep, and that is more important to him than civility, and look what he is missing. That is the joke, really.
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Significant rights?:
So where is the dividing line between the rights to privacy someone running for public office should forfeit and those that he retains? Does it have any relationship with what might sell papers?
I think that the belief that a politician forfeits rights to privacy is keeping a lot of good people out of public office.
What in the world do the actions of a father who died before the politician was born have to do with the politician's fitness for public office?
Gene Weingarten: I think it is reasonable that people understand who their president is, and how he got to be the person he was, and I think the lessons in the story I wrote help elucidate both. We are products of many things, and one of them is genetic.
In addition, I believe my story dealt with both the president and his father in a dignified way, with both compassion and understanding. I don't think you can read it any other way. This is, in my view, the thing that Hillary cynically chose to ignore.
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French Naming Laws:
I found a webpage, in French, and through the magic of Google, translated it. It seems that the rules now state that the name can be anything, so long as it is not against the best interests of the child. I quote below.
The later mode: the law n° 93-22 of January 8, 1993
15. The law n° 93-22 of January 8, 1993 relating to the marital status, the family and the rights of the child and instituting the judge to the family affairs repealed the law of the 11 germinal year XI and replaced the last two subparagraphs of article 57 of the civil code by the following provisions:
"the first names of the child are chosen by his father and mother". The registrar immediately carries on the birth certificate the selected first names. Any first name registered in the birth certificate can be selected like usual first name.
When these first names or one two, only or associated the other first names or the name, appear contrary to him with the interest of the child or the right of the thirds to see protecting their patronym, the registrar warns of it without delay the public prosecutor. This one can seize the judge with the family affairs.
If the judge estimates that the first name is not in conformity with the interest of the child or the right of the thirds to see protecting their patronym, it orders the suppression of it on the registers of births, marriages and deaths. It allots, if necessary, with the child another first name which it determines itself failing this by the parents of a new choice which is in conformity with the interests referred to above. Mention of the decision is carried in margin of the acts of the marital status of the child."
Gene Weingarten: I love Google translations, don't you?
Good searching. Yes, it seems that you can name as you wish, though i am a little puzzled by the patronym thing.
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Public/Private:
I think this is an interesting issue. If you were writing a biography of Clinton 20 years from now, would anyone object to the story about his father and half-brother? Probably not. You'd get a 30 second blurb on the nightly news, maybe a news article or two, and a few extra sales for the book. (After all, the Kennedy Intern thing barely got people's attention!)
So the question becomes, is what is proper for history to know proper for people to know while an event (like the Clinton Presidency) is still going on, especially as it relates to a public figure's personal life? I've always thought that public figures deserve some aspect of privacy, but then again, if someone is going to have a position of power like the Presidency, isn't it important to know who they really are and where they come from? This part of the issue I'm not so sure on. But perhaps political candidates have even less expectation of privacy than say, movie stars, since politicians make who they are personally and where they came from such a large part of their public persona.
Gene Weingarten: Right. And politicians ask for your vote. Big difference.
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Isle of Legumes, Safeway:
As an accounting fan I take umbrage at the misuse of credit and debit. In double-entry bookkeeping every entry must balance so every entry is both a credit and a debit, just in different accounts.
Gene Weingarten: Noted. Do you do children's parties?
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Washington, D.C.:
I scored a 34, and I'm definitely female. Maybe not stereotypically feminine, but quite female.
On the other hand, that test is slightly biased -- those who have multiple answers are more likely to get a final result on the masculine side (since each answer gives positive points, and a higher score is male). Might it not be more useful if some answers had zero or negative points? Or is single-mindedness considered a female attribute?
Gene Weingarten: My scale allows for some double answers.... But point taken. I am still trying to figure out how that man-to-woman managed a 15.
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Clinton article:
Why did you write this article? I thought you were the Post's funny man?
Gene Weingarten: I am only relatively recently the Funny Man. I used to be the Long Boring Story Man.
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Washington, D.C.:
Other than her husband, is there anything even remotely funny about Hillary Clinton? She seems to be the poster child for all that is Serious, Earnest, and Unfunny.
Gene Weingarten: Of course there is something funny about Hillary!! You malign her!!!!
1. As my colleague Henry Allen brilliantly observed many years ago (to the consternation of the White House), she looks EXACTLY like the Easter Bunny, and ...
2. People might forget this fact, but I forget nothing: She is fond of using the expression: "Okey dokey, artichokey."
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Clinton/Father's Day:
I feel pretty strongly that yes, you do give up some privacy, but no, we do NOT need to hear about things like this. Why does it matter? Is has no bearing on this person's ability to govern. It is almost at the pruirient gossip level, as is so much we hear about politicians that is cloaked in the "well, they gave up privacy and it is about them, so we get to know it" mantle. We really don't need to know 90% of this stuff. I get so tired of all this gossip made out to seem like high-toned political news.
Gene Weingarten: Okay.
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Alexandria, Va.:
Maybe it has to do with the fact that Bill Clinton's personal past was being touted as part of his campaign and qualifications for office, but in the stage-managed way that typified a Hillary-overseen enterprise. And THAT is why the story is deserving of exploration.
Gene Weingarten: Ahhhh. I think you have it.
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New York, N.Y.:
Score: 41
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Scoreing higher than Gene Weingarten: priceless
Gene Weingarten: I am proud of you.
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Southern Maryland:
Gene, your favorite aptonym came up this morning during Elliott Segal's show on DC101. A few of the Fairfax gynecologist's former patients called in to share stories. The funniest part was that the man owned two Cadillacs with vanity plates (variations on "DR" and his last name).
Gene Weingarten: Hm. I have listened to Elliot. What is he, 16?
Please note this criticism is coming from Mr. Poopy Face.
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Butte, N.D.:
I spent a night in Pittsburgh last week. The weather person on the NBC affiliate in Pittsburgh is named Julie Bologna. Her weather forcast for the next day was inaccurate.
Gene Weingarten: It would have been better if she was Julie Baloney, but actually... maybe not. This is a good one.
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Roedk, Ill.:
Gene,
Ever notice those semi-permanent memorials people place alongside roadways when their loved ones are killed in an automobile accident?
Now, I'm not a hard-hearted guy. I know people who've lost family members on the roads, sometimes through the senseless actions of other bad (or drunk) drivers. But don't you think these memorials are tacky? I mean, when someone keels over and dies at his desk, do people place a wooden cross and some plastic flowers on his credenza?
There are more and more of these roadside memorials showing up. Logically, many years from now, all the main roads will be totally lined with these wooden crosses, plastic floral wreaths and other death markers. As a solution to this impending mess, maybe we need a law stating that these markers are only allowed if you bury your relative at that spot.
Gene Weingarten: I've never understood this. We name holidays after the person's birthday, not the day they died, right? Why this fascination with the precise spot?
Do we think their spirits are haunting that spot? If so, I feel sorry for Elvis and Lenny Bruce.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
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No, you DON'T get it:
There is a difference between Clinton's personal past and the personal past of his father -- WHO WAS DEAD BEFORE HE WAS BORN. Surely people aren't that dense -- and your claim of "genetic influence" is way out there.
Gene Weingarten: You think that we are not genetically influenced by our parents?
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Was/Were:
Gene: "If I was you..." or "If I were you..."?
Gene Weingarten: were
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Bored Government Drone:
I've never hung out in one of your chats before, but this stuff is hilarious! Grove, Hax, et al be damned, you're my new favorite!
Gene Weingarten: Hey, check the archives. This one was tame.
That's it for today. Thanks to all of you, even those who now hate me. See you next week same time same place.
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