Thank you for visiting "The Navigator – Live." Today's chat ended at 3 p.m. EST.

Today's guest was Cindy Simons Bennett, president of Child of My Dreams (www.childofmydreams.com). She answered questions about infertility and adoption.

"The Navigator – Live" appears each Thursday from 2 p.m. to 3 p.m. Eastern time. It's a live, moderated discussion offering washingtonpost.com users the chance to talk directly to intriguing and sometimes unusual guests who are shaping the digital world. "The Navigator" appears in The Washington Post print edition every Thursday. You can read past columns by following this link.

Linton Weeks: Greetings. And welcome to another edition of Navigator--Live. We are glad to have Cindy with us today. She's going to have to leave a little early, so let's get right to the questions.

Linton Weeks: What exactly is Child of My Dreams?

Cindy Simons Bennett: The Child of My Dreams Resource Center is the premiere online information and support center for people facing the challenges of infertility and adoption. COMD is unique from other sites on the web in that it recognizes the relationship between infertility and adoption and integrates the needs of people seeking information on either one or both. The Center is based the premise that people facing infertility or adoption need both timely and reliable information and a "community of support" to help them create their new families. We like to think that people who visit COMD initially come for the information, but stay for the community of people they meet there.

Linton Weeks: When was the Web site created?

Cindy Simons Bennett: Development of the site began in the summer of 1996 and has been a work in progress since then. The "official" launch of the site just took place this past Mother's Day. We felt it sent a unique message of hope to women and their partners who are currently struggling to become mothers. But the site will never really be "done." We continue to develop new features and add new information based on the needs of our community.

Linton Weeks: Cindy, briefly, what is your story? How did you get involved?

Cindy Simons Bennett: Eight years ago, I was diagnosed with a cyst on my left ovary. This cyst had an enormous impact on my life. Ovarian cancer was found within the ovary surrounded by the cyst, miraculously at an early stage of the cancer. But because of the aggressiveness of the cancer, I had to have a total hysterectomy at the age of 33.

After I won the battle for my life, my husband and I were left to confront the issue of infertility. Because we both worked in the online field at the time, we went to the internet and AOL to find answers about my cancer and infertility. The information was confusing and hard to find. The initial "idea seed" was planted. But it wasn't until I had recovered mentally and physically and were blessed with the adoption of our son, did I really set out to create a "one-stop resource site" to deal with both issues of adoption and infertility in a comprehensive way. Because I was working for an AOL partner company, I was able to run the idea by people at AOL. They were very enthusiastic. At first it looked like I was going to create the site on AOL, but the with seed investment I was able to create the first workings of the site on the internet.

Linton Weeks: How does the Internet help in this whole process?

Cindy Simons Bennett: I would say the number one benefit of the online technology is that it allows individuals to remain anonymous while seeking information and asking for support. It is easier for most people to discuss sensitive issues online, where they don't have to attach a face to their name.

The internet allows people to share personal tips, anecdotes and coping strategies that they'd rather get from one another than from a doctor or other specialist. The infertility community swaps "insider" tips about medications, etc., while the adoption community share personal experiences about dealing with "the system."

And finally, the internet alleviates the feeling of isolation that people dealing with these issues often feel. People feel less alone when they feel as if they are coping with their issues with other people who understand what they are going through.

Linton Weeks: Could you tell us a couple of short stories--ways in which your Internet site has helped folks?

Cindy Simons Bennett: Our infertility community is very united and supportive of one another. One story that comes to mind involves a community member who, after struggling to have twins, lost one of them several months after birth. After the baby died, the community rallied around her and hosted an online "Memorial Service" where members read poems and sent prayers to the family. The mother claims that what held her together during the entire process -- from the birth to the death of the child -- was the continuous support the community gave to her simply through the ongoing online interraction. It was really extremely emotional to witness the whole thing evolve.

Members have also been known to assist one another with adoption information that has resulted in the successful adoption of a child, for instance if a member is aware of an available birthmother. Although our site DOES NOT facilitate adoptions, members still swap information amongst themselves that can lead to the same outcome!

Reston, VA: Has there ever been a study done regarding grown children of either donor egg or donor sperm and their reactions to having come from one of their parents and a donor egg-sperm?

Cindy Simons Bennett: Unfortunately I am not an infertility professional, so I'm not technically qualified to answer your question. I myself am not aware of any such studies,but you might want to visit the site -- www.child-dream.com -- and ask one of our experts. However, I can tell you that people in the community dealing with this issue often confront it as they would if the child were adopted. The way couples handle it is very personal and unique to their situation. Again, please visit the site for professional opinion!

Chantilly, VA: Ms. Bennett,

My husband and I have two wonderful children, and we had always planned on having a third. We've been trying for close to a year now but with no luck. If we went to a fertility clinic for testing, would we get much support, since we already have children? Thanks for your time.

Cindy Simons Bennett: Secondary and post-secondary infertility can be just as devastating to couples who are trying to build a family. A good clinic should give you just as much support as if you were dealing with primary fertility. Professionals should understand that any time an obstacle is put in the way of trying to build your "dream" family there is a need for support and information. Good luck with your goal.

Washington, DC: What steps do you need to take when you have decided that adoption is the only option available.

Cindy Simons Bennett: The first thing is to find a local education chapter to teach you about all the facets of adoption and to understand your options about which path you want to take, international or domestic, private or agency, etc. Talk to other people who have adopted!! Where you go from here really depends on which path you want to pursue. As an adoptive mother I can tell you that it can be mind boggling, but it's an extremely rewarding path to building a family. Please visit our site for information! Good luck on your quest!

Linton Weeks: How many people are on your staff?

Cindy Simons Bennett: Four people including myself. Our Director of Community, Franki Lindquist, is actually a co-founder of the site. Franki was a pioneer of infertility on the web before we joined forces to build Child of My Dreams in 1996. In addition to the two of us, we have an editorial director who is responsible for content development and internal site programming, and a director of marketing who is responsible for obtaining advertising and sponsorship deals. We also work with talented contractors outside the company who have been instrumental in helping us with our technical, marketing and public relations efforts.

Besides paid staff and contractors, we are fortunate to have a fabulous and talented board of volunteer advisors that help us with quality control of the information we feature. Medical experts, adoption specialists, attorneys and social workers assist us with content review and frequently offer their services as "experts," answering member questions both on our message boards and in "live" chats.

We also are fortunate to have a staff "evangelist" who works with us to develop strategic partnerships, general business development, and help us with future programmatic direction.

Arlington, VA: I'm 32 and engaged. We don't plan to marry for a year, which is fine. I'm worried, though, that as my age creeps closer to 35 that I'll be more at risk for a Down's Syndrome baby. I'm really stressing myself out about this. Can you help allay my fears?

Cindy Simons Bennett: Again, and I apologize to everyone asking medical questions, I am not a doctor and can't answer your medical questions about infertility. The experts on the Child of My Dreams site are more than qualified to answer your questions, and you'll also find information there about the issues you have concerns with. A reproductive endocronologist will be holding a live chat on June 29th at 9pm ET about general infertility issues. Please come and bring your questions!

Linton Weeks: Since Cindy's going to leave us 15 or 20 minutes early, go ahead and send your questions in. She'll get to as many as she can. I'll take a sip of iced tea and help her along.

Washington, DC: I recently spoke with someone at the State Department who is working on plans to expand international child protection programs to include monitoring agencies that handle international adoptions for US couples adopting abroad. What will this mean for the process of international adoption? What are the major problems in adopting internationally today? -specifically in Latin America-

Cindy Simons Bennett: The most important thing when adopting internationally is to work with a credible agency in this country, and also in the country where you're adopting. Talking to parents who've adopted from the country you're interested in is one of your best resources. We've recently launched a new comprehensive adoption newsletter that will appear monthly on our site. The URL is http://www.child-dream.com/adoption/?news/headlineadoption.shtml

The newsletter is full of insider scoop on what's going on in each country every month. We think you'll find it very helpful.

Linton Weeks: How does your site support itself?

Cindy Simons Bennett: I have been supporting the site with personal funds until now. Now I believe the site is ready for "prime time," so to speak. We are also launching a campaign to attract advertisers to sponsor areas on the site.

We are also actively pursuing angel investment dollars as well as looking to partner with a larger health or family portal to continue growing and adding the services and marketing that we know we can do with the right dollars to add more information, customization and interactive programs for the members.

North Carolina: Could you give some examples of "local education chapters" that you referred to in an earlier response?

Cindy Simons Bennett: A good example of a local education chapter would be your local RESOLVE chapter for starters. RESOLVE can provide you with a list of local classes for pre-adoptive parents.

I must apologize but I need to leave early due to an emergency situation. I am sorry to have to leave so many questions in the queue. I would love to come back another time, and in the meantime, I would encourage you all to visit the site and post your questions to our panel of infertility and adoption experts. I will attempt to answer one or two more questions here.

Linton Weeks: And that's the way it is sometimes in the wild, woolly Web world. Everything changes. Nothing--nobody--stays the same. We are grateful to Cindy for being our guest and we will invite her back. Thanks, too, to the great staff of Washingtonpost.com and to all of your who sent in terrific questions today. I am genuinely sorry we didn't have time to get to them all. If you have any ideas for future programs or Navigator columns or if you just want to write me about what's on your mind, send e-mail to weeksl@washpost.com. Next week my guest will be Bill Altman of Discovery Online, the Internet wing of the Discovery Channel to talk about moving from television to the Internet. Until then...

To the Navigator: Thank you for holding this forum, hopefully it will help those people that are infertile and those that love them. On to my question.. What would you suggest that an infertile woman say to those persistantly annoying questions and comments? ie. What's are you waiting for to have kids?; Don't worry, everything happens when God intends it to happen; Oh, My sister was having trouble getting pregnant and she went on vacation! I could go on and on, but you get the picture.

Thanks

Cindy Simons Bennett: Take those questions and turn them into an opportunity to educate the people who say them can be empowering. Also, surround yourself primarily with people who are sensitive to your situation during this time. I know that's easier said than done! One of the most popular discussion on our message boards takes place between women with the same gripe. They like to post messages of what they would REALLY like to respond to in those situations.

I really need to leave, I am sorry. Again, I would be more than happy to come back at another time or perhaps feature a medical or adoption expert. Thank you so much for you time and good luck!

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