Election 2004: The Daily Show
Stephen Colbert
Correspondent
Wednesday, January 28, 2004; 4:00 p.m ET
A gaggle of producers, correspondents and media outlets converged on New Hampshire to cover the nations first primary, but few covered it like Comedy Central's award winning satire The Daily Show.
Stephen Colbert, correspondent for The Daily Show, was online to discuss the New Hampshire primary, the 2004 Election and the show's askew take on the news events of the day.
washingtonpost.com was live from Manchester, N.H. with politicians, newsmakers and analysts to take your questions and comments on the primary and the Democratic primary campaign trail. A complete list of political discussions can be found here.
The transcript follows.
Editor's Note: washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control
over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.
Stephen Colbert: Hi. Happy to be here. Ask me anything you want. My life is an open book.
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Alexandria, Va.:
Which presidential candidate has the best facial expressions?
Stephen Colbert: Definitely Al Sharpton. His face is like a Kabuki mask. Wildly exaggerated disdain or enjoyment. Great on camera.
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Potomac, Md.:
Why the silent T in Colbert? Are you French?
Stephen Colbert: I am again now though shortly before and during the recent Iraq War I pronounced the T and was Irish.
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Ang, R.I.:
Do you think Dean can recover from his psychotic war-whoop? Conversely, should other candidates like Lieberman attempt to show a bit more passion by having a battle-yell?
Stephen Colbert: I think people are being too hard on Dean for his scream the other night. He was in a farm community. He was just, as the locals say, "A-Hollerin'." You didn't get to see the reversal shot of that room he was in. What you don't know is that he was speaking to 300 Razor Back Hogs and that he was just calling them to the trough for slop. It was just a modified "suuu-eee!"
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Berkeley, Calif.:
Are you or anyone else from the Daily Show going to be working on the forthcoming liberal radio network?
Stephen Colbert: Liz Winstead, one of the original creators of The Daily Show, is one of the people developing the liberal network. Other than her, I don't know of anyone.
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Alexandria, Va.:
Do you think America really wants four more years of George Bush? Or, is it the media who wants Bush because he is an easy target for jokes? Also, do you think the American public is ready for the likes of Dean?
Stephen Colbert: I haven't the slightest idea what America wants and judging from how divided the electorate was in 2000, I don't think they do either. Going from Bush to Dean would be like plucking a red hot glass from the dishwasher and plunging it into ice water. America might very well shatter.
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Annandale, Va.:
What are the chances of a Kerry/Edwards ticket for the Democrats?
Stephen Colbert: Much better than a Sharpton/Kucinich.
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D.C. Posse:
How are story assignments made on the Daily Show? Is arm wrestling involved? Which other D.S. correspondent would you be afraid of in a dark alley?
Stephen Colbert: Story assignments are made flipping a four-sided coin and I'd be most afraid of Samantha Bee. She's Canadian and they're a tricky people.
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Lawrence, Kan.:
It's been reported that Jon Stewart's
contract with Comedy Central will expire
after the 2004 elections; would you
consider (or would you like to) take over
the show if he leaves?
Stephen Colbert: Yes, what have you heard? Is he leaving?
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Florida:
Just who do you think you are?!
Stephen Colbert: Jesus Christ Superstar.
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San Francisco, Calif.:
What do you think about politics, specifically Indo-Polynesian politics?
Stephen Colbert: I limit my Pacific island political views to Micronesia. I've got a lot of opinions about who should be mayor of Easter Island.
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Virginia Beach, Va.:
When questioning the candidates in the midst of all the other reporters, do you find the other reporters annoyed at the "Daily Show"-styled questions, or jealous that they weren't able to ask them?
Stephen Colbert: I think angry that we're taking up space and oxygen but admiring of our wardrobe.
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Waldorf, Md.:
How did you learn to raise one eye brow and lower the other at the same time so well? Did the Rock teach you his secret?
Stephen Colbert: I was raising one eyebrow when The Rock had a 20-inch chest.
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Boca Raton, Fla.:
Now Stephen, will the Rev. Al Sharpton be able to stage a comeback after such a strong showing in New Hampshire?
Stephen Colbert: The Reverend said in the debate last week that he would be returning to New Hampshire after the primaries. That's where he's really going to make his impact -- in New Hampshire after it doesn't matter. It shows he really cares about the people -- not about winning, which is good because he's gonna lose.
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Washington, D.C.:
I'm not sure if they still do, but the Daily Show used to close out each broadcast with "shocking" videos. The most memorable being a farm animal going the bathroom. Which of the "shocking" clips is your favorite?
Stephen Colbert: I assure you're referring to the "moment of Zen." These days they tend to be more political but in the old days my favorite was the man having his pants torn off by a bull with its horns.
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Dallas, Tex.:
Why is it the Daily Show takes an overwhelmingly liberal stance when it comes to the elections and Democratic candidates? Shouldn't the Daily Show be a little more unbiased? The Daily Show can still be funny yet fair at the same time.
Stephen Colbert: First, we are not news. We are under no compunction to be fair or balanced or any other thing other than funny. Second, satire always attacks the status quo. The status quo is presently a Republican executive, legislative and judicial branch. There's hardly a liberal target left. Third, we throw hay makers at the Democratic candidates across the board. Fourth, I hope Bush loses.
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Arlington, Va.:
Which reporter consistently tries the hardest (and fails) to be funny around you or any other Daily Show correspondents? Which of the "real" reporters is funny enough to write for your show?
Stephen Colbert: Wolf Blitzer's pretty funny. But there's not a real reporter in the world who would even want to work for this show because he'd have to make fun of all his old friends.
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Somewhere, USA:
If I wanted to a writer for the show, would you let me?
Who do I talk to about this? How much does it cost?
Stephen Colbert: It only costs your credibility and that's fine with me.
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Seattle, Wash:
Why does Joe Lieberman always sound constipated?
Stephen Colbert: It's not constipation. It's labor pains and he's trying to birth a new hope for America.
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Falls Church, Va.:
Stephen,
What's up with those Mr. Goodwrench commericals? They're horrible and you've lost all your street cred.
Stephen Colbert: Luckily I don't spend much time on the streets so I won't be missing my cred but what's up about them is my children's college education. You got a couple a million you could lend me?
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New York, N.Y.:
Why doesn't the DS have any non-white correspondents?
Stephen Colbert: We have had correspondents of color but I think our show was beneath them. An Asian woman would be great. What's Connie Chung doing?
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Washington, D.C.:
Don't you think John Kerry looks like someone has opened the Ark of the Covenant in front of him and his face is melting off?
Stephen Colbert: I think he looks like the Old Man of the Mountain Head that fell off that cliff in New Hampshire. I've heard others describe him as Lurch.
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Herndon, Va.:
How did you like being on Who's Line is it Anyway? those few times?
Stephen Colbert: They were very nice to me. And flying first class makes any job worthwhile.
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Columbia, Md.:
Why no porn-star correspondents. Sure they could get any question answered.
Stephen Colbert: I'd be all for that, especially if we could do team coverage.
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The Sty:
Well, since no one else is being nice and sincere, I just have to tell you that your "Iowa Simple Life" had me rolling on the mud like a pig in a blanket that went to market!
Really, really really funny.
Moo.
Stephen Colbert: You are my favorite person on this page right now. Thank you very much. I find you very attractive.
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Philadelphia, Pa.:
Who will the Daily Show end up endorsing?
Stephen Colbert: We're going to test our credibility by throwing everything behind Kucinich and see if he can carry his own zip code.
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Arlington, Va.:
When you interview those folks who are fervently serious about their issues, but who seem utterly ridiculous to the rest of us (no, not the politicians), do they feel like they're being mocked by you, or do they see this as a true opportunity for media coverage?
Stephen Colbert: I don't know why they talk to us but no one seems to complain. In fact, for some reason, they often thank us. I guess people have a pretty good sense of humor about themselves but I certainly wouldn't let my mother on the show.
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Reston, Va,:
Do you find it hard to get excited about covering the primaries without Dick Gephardt?
Stephen Colbert: No.
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Carroll, Iowa:
I heard there will be a Strangers With Candy movie. How's that coming along?
Stephen Colbert: Fine, we just have to write the script but other than that it's in the can.
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Martha Stewwey:
Is it true you are a machine made of polymer?
Stephen Colbert: Actually I'm too much skin stretched over too small a frame but it's all organic.
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Washington, D.C.:
How short is Jon Stewart anyway?
Stephen Colbert: He's 4 foot 6.
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Wonderland:
Hi Stephen. I know you got your start in Second City. Is improvisation still important for you?
Stephen Colbert: Sure. The interviews are pure improvisations.
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Austin, Tex.:
Will you ever run for political office?
Stephen Colbert: I've said too many terrible things that have been recorded and broadcast nationally. I'm afraid public service is now a closed profession to me, unless of course, some day I do run for office in which I case I disavow the previous statement.
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Washington, D.C.:
You are just really really funny. I just wanted to tell you that. If I met you I'm sure I'd want to go out with you. I'll bet you're really smart, too.
Stephen Colbert: Are you over 18?
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Columbia:
You were great on Reliable Sources this past weekend. Soon you will have blurred the line between real and fake news so that we viewers no longer will need OJ or the rest to keep us entertained during the news. I can not wait for that day.
Stephen Colbert: Thank you for that. Evidently I owe my future as a pundit to Howie Kurtz.
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Planet X:
When George W Bush talked about Weapons of Mass Destruction related programs, was he referring to "The Daily Show?"
Stephen Colbert: No, we're a Weapon of Small Distraction (WSD).
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Washington, DC:
Where are you right now? Is it as cold as it is here?
Stephen Colbert: In the Cayman Islands.
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Stephen Colbert: My drink has just arrived in its little coconut shell and I want to get it down before the rum gets all watery. Thanks so much. I enjoyed having words typed at you.
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