Chatological Humor*
Gene Weingarten
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, May 04, 2004; Noon ET
*Formerly known as "Funny? You Should Ask."
Gene Weingarten's controversial humor column, Below the Beltway, appears every Sunday in the Washington Post Magazine. He aspires to someday become a National Treasure, but is currently more of a National Gag Novelty Item, like rubber dog poo.
He is online, at any rate, each Tuesday, to take your questions and abuse.
He'll chat about anything.
Submit your questions, comments and rants before or during the show.
Weingarten is the author of "The Hypochondriac's Guide to Life. And Death" and co-author of "I'm with Stupid," with feminist scholar Gina Barreca.
Colleagues on Weingarten:
"As for you, Weingarten, get a life. If you exercise every day, and get off the sauce, you will learn Deep Throat's identity, when we want you to know." -- Washington Post Vice President at Large Ben Bradlee
"Interestingly, he doesn't joke about poop in person (at least he never has with me)." -- Former Washington Post columnist Bob Levey
"W. attracts all of us loyal, devoted, strong yet vulnerable, affectionate women who lavish him with attention way beyond what he deserves." -- "I'm With Stupid" co-author Gina Barreca
"The truth is, Weingarten DOESN'T know who Lesley Stahl is. He's that out of it."
"Weingarten's hair is a national disgrace. Seriously his hair is a war crime." -- Washington Post staff writer Joel Achenbach
"The whole world is the butt of Gene's jokes...consider it a form of flattery." -- What's Cooking host Kim O'Donnel
"I do not even acknowledge the fellow columnist to whom you refer: He who shan't be named. I believe I once said he is filth, he is scum. He is... simply the worst thing in the world." -- Washington Post Reliable Source columnist Richard Leiby
Editor's Note: washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control
over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.
Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon.
My Sunday column got a predictably large amount of mail from people who, all things considered, consider me an idiot for still using AOL. They are correct; I am too intimidated by technology to risk change. My email address is all over, in people’s address books, and on file with amazon and other such vendors, and I am dysfunctional enough to fear the effort it takes to change all that. Yes, I am a jerk.
However, I also got an email from a federal prosecutor who said my insane conspiracy theory about pop-up protectors and pop-up creators is not remotely insane, and that she is in fact working on just such a prosecution.
I shall apply for my Pulitzer Prize for investigative journalism at the appropriate time.
Meanwhile, on the cosmic revelations front, two important news flashes: Yesterday, my son and I were driving home into a spectacular sunset and we were discussing -- as fathers and sons often do during intimate philosophical moments – the physics of the fart. But eventually we got around to how such beauty could co-exist in a world filled with pain and idiocy, and Dan said, “You know, Dad, I think I have it. God must have made this world when he was, like, four years old.”
On a related slap-to-the-forehead revelation, I was at my favorite hardware store – Frager’s – the other day when I noticed hammers for sale, near the checkout counter. These were ordinary hammers, except they were pastel colored, decorated head to handle with stencils of daisies and pansies. And I said to the saleslady, “What kind of a guy would buy a hammer like that?” And without cracking a smile she said, “A guy who doesn’t want someone stealing his hammer.” Profound.
And lastly, I received the following email communiqué yesterday, referring to my column with Gina two weeks ago:
"You so eloquently display how the sexes do not see eye to eye. My husband can't understand why I'm upset that he brought a friend to the store to try on a dress he bought me as a gift. In our subsequent conversations he has made is almost impossible for me to return the dress or to wear it. Why am I hurt and he is blameless?"
I think this is fascinating, and invite discussion and debate.
Liz will link to today’s Poll-Ish humor. As always, there ARE right and wrong answers, and I will reveal them about three-quarters through the chat.
Comic POW is last Tuesday’s Rhymes With Orange. I also call your attention to two recent cartoons that explore the boundary between taste and tastelessness. In my opinion, McGruder remains on the okay side of the line, whereas Ted Rall egregiously crosses it, for a lot of reasons. (I am told MSNBC pulled it from their website -- correctly, in my opinion.) However both are intense, and fascinating. Again, your thoughts are welcome.
Let’s have at it.
_______________________
washingtonpost.com:
Comic Pic of the Week: Rhymes With Orange, (April 27)
Boondocks, (April 28)
Ted Rall
Below the Beltway: An Offer You Can't Refuse, (Post Magazine, May 2)
Cast your vote in this week's poll.
_______________________
Bibliotek, Va.:
Why do men spit? This is something you did not address in your book, and it is definitely something men do and women NEVER.
Gene Weingarten: Honestly, I think this is a myth; I think it is a gender libel, perpetuated by the fact that baseball players are always spitting, and that's because they are chewing terbacky or sunflower seeds. A better question is why baseball stadiums are not filled with giant sunflowers, nodding in the sun.
I don't think men spit. I don't. Another unfair myth: All men like The Stooges. I don't.
_______________________
Alexandria, Va.:
I was in the local book store recently, looking for some reading material befitting my high cultural level, and noticed that on the back of the new "Pearls Before Swine" compilation was a blurb by you! Recalling that many years ago, you were mentioned in the Acknowledgements by John Ramsey Miller, I am now wondering which you consider more of an accomplishment, the blurb or the acknowledgement.
Gene Weingarten: If you spend half your life as an editor, being mentioned in the acknowledgments of books is no big deal. Writers are always asking for your help, and when you give it you are remembered in the acks. If you go onto amazon and search my name, you will get something like 50 hits. Only two are books I actually wrote. The rest are acknowledgements in other people's books.
The PBS blurb on the back of the compilation, interestingly enough, was taken from a comment I made during one of these chats. We are writing literature, here, people.
_______________________
Too much ti, ME:
Regarding last Sunday's column... wouldn't getting your
computer's memory wiped be more comparable to a
frontal lobotomy than euthanasia? washingtonpost.com:
An Offer You Can't Refuse, (Post Magazine, May 2)
Gene Weingarten: Not if you believe that we are our brains. A prefrontal lobotomy changes your emotions and such. But if you wipe out your brain .... that's brain death, baby.
_______________________
St Paul, Minn.:
What comedy film would make you break off a fledgling relationship? Eg, you've been dating someone for a few months and really like this person. You see your favorite comedy film and the other person barely cracks a smile (or worse, falls asleep). Now you have no other choice than to leave your former beloved in the dust. What movie would be the deal breaker?
Gene Weingarten: My thoughts have changed on this subject over the years. Many years ago, I would have happily volunteered several movies. But now I am inclined to say that it is wrong to make such judgments. What has changed my mind is my wife.
My wife does not like most of the jokes that I find funny. She does not regularly read the comics. She frequently finds my columns wanting. And most to the point, she did not like “Raising Arizona,” a movie that, to me, approaches the pinnacle of film comedy. On the basis of these facts alone, one might conclude I should have fled this humorless prune years ago.
However, my wife is a hoot. She is a genius at recognizing situational humor – seeing the ironies of the moment. We can be at an antique store featuring 347,986 items stacked floor to ceiling, and she will unerringly locate the one so tasteless it will bring tears to your underpants.
Last week, at a speaking engagement, I said that I was so dysfunctional as a human being that, if my wife died, I would have to remarry within a month just to avoid drowning in a sea of my own incompetence. I told the audience that even my wife would understand and accept this. When I came home, I asked my wife if I was right about that last part, and she said, “No, you would have to re-marry within a week, so she could handle my funeral arrangements.”
See, this is a truly funny person. And when I ASKED her why she didn’t like “Raising Arizona” it turned out that, basically, she could not see the humor in a movie predicated on the abduction of an infant, period. A girl thing.
So, to make a long story short -- or rather, to abruptly truncate a too-long story – I think this thing about men and women and humor is pretty complex. Don’t go dumping a chick because she doesn’t dig Blazing Saddles. At least not JUST because she doesn’t dig Blazing Saddles. Cellulite --now THAT’s another story.
(My wife won’t think that’s funny, either.)
(Though she doesn’t personally have cellulite.)
(But she respects the dignity of women who do.)
(I’m in trouble now.)
(Moving right along.)
_______________________
Comic, AL:
Love the chats. You make Tuesdays at work tolerable.
Now my question. I think the "Rhymes With Orange" would be funnier without the last panel on "market research." What does that last comment add to the comic?
Gene Weingarten: No, no! That's not the debate. The debate is whether we should have seen money in the pot in the three panels where he had the sign the wrong way, and no money when it was right side up. I had that debate with myself, and decided subtle was better.
The market research comment was essential.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.:
I find it hard to believe that you support MSNBC's decision to pull Rall's "cartoon." Given some of your things The Post has published, I would think you'd be the last person to support such a blatant example of political censorship. I think I'll switch to Marty Gallagher's chat.
Gene Weingarten: I don't know if you are serious. If you are, you are wrong. Rall went waaay over the line.
_______________________
Alexandria, Va.:
Last week, you threatened us with a list of the funniest movies. It so happens that, in 2000, the American Film Institute ranked the top 100 funniest:
Here are the top 10 as a point of comparison:
1. Some Like it Hot
2. Tootsie
3. Dr. Strangelove
4. Annie Hall
5. Duck Soup
6. Blazing Saddles
7. MASH
8. It Happened One Night
9. The Graduate
10. Airplane!
washingtonpost.com:
Ugh. This list has "9 to 5" on it.
Gene Weingarten: This list is completely bizarre. It is just wrong. I promised last week to come up with a list, but I've been having trouble. In fact, I will welcome your nominations. Please send em to me at weingarten(at)washpost.com.
_______________________
Alexandria, Va.:
Gene,
As a guy, I have to face the conclusion that almost all women have learned the helpful skill of "passing gas" without drawing attention. Has this knowledge been emparted by mothers through the decades, as grandfathers taught their sons to put a worm on a fishing hook?
How do they do it? I swear, it is almost impossible for a guy to avoid doing this on a single date, yet a woman might go several years before a guy notices any sign (or sound).
Gene Weingarten: Dave Barry has a theory about this. He reveals it in his novel, "Tricky Business."
_______________________
April Fool's Idea:
I know I'm 11 months early with this suggestion, but I think next April Fool's Day, washingtonpost.com should swap the authors of the online chats. You can answer questions about what color to paint the foyer that's between the red living room and the yellow hall ("poop brown"), Carolyn Hax can answer questions about how to invest wisely for the future ("don't have three babies in a 13-month span!"), Mike McClintock can answer relationship questions ("if you just align what you want with what she wants, and hammer it all out, you'll have a sound platform for the future"), and so on. And don't tell the readers until later. Which would be the funniest swap?
Gene Weingarten: The funniest swap might be me and Hax, but Ashcroft would have to shut down washingtonpost.com the following day.
_______________________
Bowie, Md.:
In what medium is Rall normally published?
I agree with MacGruder stayed on the comics section side of the line; but if Rall's in a Village Voice-style political paper, then he's just being biting.
Gene Weingarten: No, he just bites.
Listen, he doesn't know dick about Tillman or his motives. And he is being really disingenuous by suggesting no connection between Afghanistan and terrorism.
Not to mention the appalling timing. Do you think Tillman's parents need to read this now?
Rall writes online, now, I think, but his strip is pretty widely disseminated. I had a roll in creating
Rall. Several years ago Richard Thompson and I were the judges for the RFK cartooning prize, and we chose Rall over many much more famous cartoonists. Rall was brilliant.
He has become so consumed by hatred that he has really become objectionable. He got in a lot of trouble, rightfully so, shortly after 9/11 when he did a cartoon suggesting 9/11 widows were greedy, or something.
A master of bad timing.
_______________________
Exile:
How much work gets done at The Washington Post on Tuesdays from noon until 1:00? Or do more people play hooky for a pithy Middle East analysis by David Ignatius?
Gene Weingarten: You have exposed the dirty secret of the chat. Everyone signed on works at the Post. Are you in the newsroom or advertising?
_______________________
Philadelphia, Pa.:
Women don't spit? Come to Philadelphia, where everybody hocks, at least the natives. I was introduced to this in my first year here, walking down the sidewalk when I heard from behind me a full-throated hock, well-timed pause for effect, then projectile slamming sidewalk. I turned around to see one person and only one person: a woman in her forties in a business suit. I was stunned, but have since witnessed several women do this every year.
Gene Weingarten: Well everyone knows women in Philadelphia are pigs.
_______________________
Gene Weingarten: Kidding! Kidding. Previous was kidding!
_______________________
Gene Weingarten: See previous posting, about how previous posting was a joke.
_______________________
Norfolk, Va.:
Bill O'Reilly said that Trudeau's B.D. storyline is "irresponsible" because it seeks to invest people emotionally in the Iraq war so that they'll turn against it.
What's funny is that until I read that I wasn't even thinking about the political statement of the storyline (which, I know, is always there in Doonesbury). I was just into the story. It didn't even occur to me that the strip would ruffle feathers, which apparently it has. Does that mean I'm way out of touch with mainstream America?
Gene Weingarten: No, it means O'Reilly is a jerk.
_______________________
Virginia:
Gene - Re: the Rall cartoon, I don't know, that had some good stuff in it. The poster "We're looking for a few good men who don't watch television," for instance. And is it possible the 'toon is not about Tillman himself, but about the media's ridiculous deifying of him following his (genuinely tragic) death? Thanks.
Gene Weingarten: Well, I agree. That poster was funny. AND I think many people, given the conduct of the war, might reasonably conclude that Tillman was foolish. Both true.
But, man. There is a time, and a place, and this was neither.
_______________________
State of Enlightenment:
I'm climbing aboard late, but I just thought I'd let you know that I've always thought of that slap on the forehead, that self-administered dope slap, as the sound of one hand clapping. Just call me Zen Cohen.
Gene Weingarten: I rather like that!
_______________________
Re: Dress of Grievances:
To your correspondent: So he brought a friend to try on the dress. If you have a husband that's actually BUYING YOU A DRESS, you're way ahead of the game already. Let him off!
But the panties stay on for a week. (Not the same ones, of course.)
Gene Weingarten: You know, that was my reaction. However, the more I thought about it, the creepier it seemed to me. Anyone else have any thoughts about this?
It would never occur to me to bring a woman to try on a dress for my wife. What, actually, would it prove if a dress fit a woman who looked roughly my wife's size? It still might not fit my wife.
I am just wondering if the guy kinda, you know, LIKED looking at another woman in a dress his wife was going to wear.
I am not sure about this one.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.:
Gene, you haven't really said WHY you think that Rall thing is so inappropriate. What is the one thing about it that, to you, sends it over the line?
Gene Weingarten: I did explain it, in detail. Look back.
_______________________
It'sallabout, ME:
All time best funny movie-Ninotchka. Garbo speaks! Also Lubitch's silent movies are startlingly sophisticated. When he cuts to an outside scene and you see the horses and wagons it seems like an anachronism.
Gene Weingarten: Okay. But I am limiting this inquiry to FUNNY movies. The top ten funny movies of all time.
_______________________
Arlington, Va.:
I'm a little disturbed by your portrayal of Gina as "everywoman" on this issue of marital fidelity. Don't get me wrong, I think Gina is great and an excellent Everywoman in most ways, but on this issue she is completely crazy, and I don't think her being a woman has anything to do with it. (In fact, a Crazy Man wrote in just last week supporting her view.) This just isn't an extension of the "men and women" theme... it's an extension of Gina being nuts. As a spokeswoman for women everywhere, I disown her view on this subject.
By the way, the "other woman" trying on a dress is completely different. The husband is clearly a moron. When you give a woman a gift of clothes, the idea is that you saw it and pictured HOW GREAT she would look in it, and just had to give it to her. The fact that you found a substitute woman to check on how she would look completely undermines the "I'm so special" value of the gift, which is the WHOLE POINT of giving a woman a gift. It also introduces the mental image of you were checking out another woman's body (and while we may know and accept that this happens, we prefer not to think about it when receiving presents.)
Gene Weingarten: I'm addressing the second part of this first: I think you are making an interesting point that women will understand more clearly then men.
As far as Gina, as I said, I think on this issue she is far from center. I do have to admit several women have agreed with her.
_______________________
I'm with Gene --:
-- on the dress thing. Maybe this guy has a purer, less tawdry mind than I do, but there's something a bit risque about having a perfect mental image of another woman in your wife's clothes...
Gene Weingarten: Yes, exactly.
_______________________
Arlington, Va.:
Is Tom Toles close to or over that tasteless line with today's offering? What happened to those people is unbelievably appalling... which is, I guess, the point he's trying to make but still. washingtonpost.com:
Toles, (May 4)
Gene Weingarten: Um, how is this over any line? This is just an excellent cartoon. Toles has been spectacular on the war, I think.
_______________________
'Sain't St. Louis No, MO:
I'm afraid you got my comment last week utterly, completely, and incontrovertibly wrong. The only redeeming feature of your answer is that there are other individuals who likewise made an incorrect judgment, but to them, humor is a pastime and not a profession. You should be ashamed. My comment, (regarding the pre-prom gift of a gold bracelet), "I don't think of this as 18 carats of after-the-prom-off-comes-the-dress," did not "Basically [describe] all women as whores." On the contrary, it described one particular woman as someone whom I like so much I'm willing to spend money on without thought of conjugal reward. Anyway, flying halfway across the country for the purpose of exchanging shiny trinkets for sex is extremely pathetic; doing so to attend a senior prom only slightly so. You misjudged the joke, Gene (and it was rather funny in a you-had-to-be-there-and-had-to-be nervous-as-hell-because-Prom-is-a-traditional night-of-losing-one’s-virginity way), and, even worse, you misjudged the joker. washingtonpost.com:
Did your parents get the joke, scooter?
Gene Weingarten: Give it up, bozo boy.
Any suggestion that there IS such a gift expensive enough to remove a dress is describing women as whores.
Although, as a poster cleverly noted last week, a wedding band usually does the trick.
_______________________
Halls Crossroads, Tenn.:
Stone Soup's Sunday poem about the Hubble telescope: "Sing praises to Hubble, so humble, so true/ May she sail on forever and send us her view/ of deepest deep space/where the universe ends.../who knows what we'll learn/who we'll see through her lens..." It's taped to my refrigerator with 247 (rough estimate) "Pearls Before Swine" strips. Hope you'll make it one of this week's best comics. Great poem, important message. Thanks, Gene. Annie washingtonpost.com:
Stone Soup, (May 2)
Gene Weingarten: Stone Soup is indeed sweet. It is always sweet. It is as sweet as jelly and sugar soup. I don't like it.
_______________________
Funniest Movie?:
If you're wondering about the funniest movie of all time, it is "Blazing Saddles," without firther discussion. "Blazing Saddles" also ties with "To Kil A Mockingbird" for the best movie ever about American race relations.
What is the funniest thing you have ever seen? Over 10 years ago, I saw the Royal Shakespeare Company present "A Midsummer Night's Dream." It still makes me laugh when I think about it. washingtonpost.com:
You're so wrong... and you can't spell.
Gene Weingarten: I agree with Liz. Blazing Saddles is good, not great. And the fart scene (which Brooks clearly intended to be the centerpiece of the movie, given the title) is vastly overrated.
_______________________
YoMa, MA:
So, Claire Huxtable has been named the best TV mom:
Survey Names Claire Huxtable Best TV Mom, (AP, May 4) Do you agree with that poll?
She was also named the "TV mom closest to your own mom in spirit." Which TV dad would your kids say that you are closest to in spirit?
Gene Weingarten: Yeah, Claire is a pretty great mom. Not a great character, but an excellent mom. I think my kids would say I am closest to Homer Simpson.
_______________________
WizardOf, ID:
I was disappointed to miss last week's chat, doubly so when I saw that the 4/27 WoI made the POTW cut -- because I had a question I was dying to ask about it. What's the significance of the names "Morry" and "Saul" as the characters in the strip? They aren't regulars, the joke plays without them even having names, "Morry" is too oddball to be random, and the use of Saul's name seems particularly spurious (in fact it slightly knocks off the "timing" of the punchline). I don't believe Hart's much given to whim, so they're clearly there for a reason. I'm hoping it's a particularly nefarious one. Any thoughts? washingtonpost.com:
Wizard of Id, (April 27)
Gene Weingarten: Now that you mention it, this was a little weird. I would guess these are two friends of the cartoonist. (That happens from time to time.) Saul suggests something biblical, which would be consistent with Hart, but Morry sure doesn't.
_______________________
Boola Boola, CT:
In case he hasn't mentioned it to you, there was a nice
feature on your artist, Mr. Shansby, in the April 23 Yale
Bulletin and Calendar, available here: "Freshman
cartoonist illustrates Washington Post column."
Gene Weingarten: This is worthwhile, if for no reason other than the picture. Man, the kid is young, isn't he?
_______________________
Hopeless, LY:
Hey, that Sally Forth in last week's chat -- that was stolen from Dave Barry. Shame. And you didn't even catch it. Shame on you. How did you get those SAT scores-whenever you answer something in your chat, you're always wrong? washingtonpost.com:
Sally Forth, (April 27)
Gene Weingarten: I have no idea what you are talking about, and I suspect neither would Dave. The problem with this cartoon is that it is idiotic. (Make sure you click on the April 27 one)
I mean, the title of the strip is an obvious joke. To refer to it in the strip itself is ridiculous. It would be like Hi and Lois suddenly remarking how they sure sound like "High and Low," or if Flo suddenly told Andy Capp, "Did you ever realize that your name sounds like "handicap"?
Dum, just dum.
_______________________
Dresses - Presents:
So would it be OK if I gave an 18-carat bracelet to a friend to put on my wife's dress?
I didn't think so, but you know its worth a shot.
Gene Weingarten: Sure, what the hell. Give it a shot.
_______________________
Mr. Shansby:
Looks to me eerily like I imagine you looked at 19.
BTW, does he come up with the idea of the drawings, or do you tell him what you want a drawing of and he does it?
Gene Weingarten: We tend to come up with it together, Sunday nights, on the telephone. Or he does it himself. Fifty-fifty.
_______________________
College Park, Md.:
Hey Gene,
I didn't know if you'd seen this yet. Thought you might like it.
Barge Sinks After Nude Sighting in Texas, (AP, May 3)
Gene Weingarten: This is great.
_______________________
Montomery County, Md.:
Is the Empress around that you can ask her about Sunday's winning Style Invitational entry? Wasn't that, umm, a bit too risque? I can only imagine how many kids asked their parents what that meant. Any complaints regarding that? washingtonpost.com:
Style Invitational, (Post, May 2)
Gene Weingarten: I thought this was a great winner. My feeling is that if a dirty joke is so sophisticated/obscure that only people with dirty minds and adult knowledge will get it, there is no offense. You can tell your kid whatever you want, if he asks.
Me, I'd tell the truth.
I don't know if there were complaints. If the Empress is around and wishes to weigh in, that would be hunky dory.
_______________________
Re: Non-wife dresser....:
I once bought a bikini for my wife after seeing it on another woman at the beach. How is that any different? Does it matter that when I see it on my 43 year old wife, I think of the 19 year old coed?
Gene Weingarten: Totally different. Would you ask the 19 year old salesgirl to try it on?
Well, maybe you would. I sure would. Wouldn't it be great if she agreed?
_______________________
Ex-Washington, D.C.:
Oh my God! I hadn't seen the Toles editorial cartoon until you posted a link and I agree with Alexandria--it is SOOO far over the line. Why? Trivializing the humiliation of the prisoners. Not funny in the least! If Toles were to make fun of a bureaucratic coverup, that would be OK. Making fun of what happened -- not OK in my book.
And I agree with you on Rall and would think this is much the same thing.
Gene Weingarten: I don't think he is trivializing it at all.
_______________________
Gene Weingarten: Okay, my Poll results follow. You have done well.
_______________________
Gene Weingarten: As far as the colors, there are two acceptable answers that bespeak a sense of humor and and two bonehead answers that point to a career in agronomy or actuarial science. Either “brown” or “orange” is correct. “Brown” is the funnier sounding color. “Orange” is funnier as a color. It got no class. So either is right. (And no, I won’t emphasize the brown-poo connection, but it is there, in the background, working its special magic.) Red is not funny and blue, the icy color, is the least funny.
As far as the funniest words, there is only one right answer, and it is screamingly obvious. Moist is the funniest word. It sounds ridiculous, and it is a word without any dignity whatsoever. It is neither here nor there, not wet nor dry, a classic waffle word. Elbow is a funny part of the body, but it is a weak second to moist. Rhododendron is just ordinary, and if you chose supercalifragilistic etc. you probably are an ardent fan of “Friends.” Or “Gilligan’s Island,” which amounts to the same thing, a generation apart.
Likewise, with the joke, there is a clear continuum among the answers. The funniest answer is the BLT. I’m not really even going to explain why. Either you understand or you do not. The Queen Mary is a reasonable second, because of the wild extravagance of it. Neither of the other two answers has even a tickle of humor.
_______________________
I Didn't Get, IT:
Re: the Invitational...I'm married, and old enough to think that I know the things I'm supposed to know, but didn't get the winning Invitational entry at all.
Am I (or my wife) missing out on something that we shouldn't be missing out on?
Gene Weingarten: Well, your wife might be.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
_______________________
Clueless:
Okay, I didn't get the Style Invitational... And I AM the mom...
Gene Weingarten: Okay, okay.
The footnote made it clear the "Rock Hard Ten" was ten centimeters, not ten inches. An important distinction.
_______________________
Alexandria, Va.:
Your cartoonist is cute, looks like Harry Potter.
Gene Weingarten: Yes, but he is really annoyingly precocious. And sure of himself. Once, after I informed him that he was only the illustrator, and only 18 at that, and that he ought to take direction, he said: "When people read your column, they see it as a cartoon with a really long caption."
_______________________
The Empress of The Style Invitational:
Perhaps amazingly, I have gotten virtually no complaints about any winners in the 21 contests I have done so far. I don't think many young kids (or adult prudes) read The Style Invitational. We have a routine in our household in which I explain to my 11-year-old and 14-year-old all the jokes they didn't get, but I assume that this is not done in normal households.
Gene Weingarten: Noted.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.:
Toles isn't trivializing the Iraqi prisoner abuse at all -- he's pointing out the absurdity that we promised to bring the Iraqis democracy and instead tortured and humiliated more than a few of them. Plus the irony in trying to explain away what happened with something as inane as cheerleading.
Gene Weingarten: Precisely.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.:
Gene, one of the funniest recurring things in this chat is the mention of POTW, do you know why? POTW standds for Publicly Owned Treatment Works -- municipal sewage treatment facilities! Everything can be linked to Poop!
Gene Weingarten: Talk about profound observations. One hand clapping!
_______________________
Trying on the dress:
I don't see the big deal (I'm a woman). I guess it depends on how he knows the woman who tried on the dress, and how the wife feels about her. I helped a guy friend/coworker pick out a pair of eyeglasses during our lunch hour, and his wife had a fit. Turns out she thought he had a little crush on me.
Gene Weingarten: Well, maybe he did. I do.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.:
I have a painful cyst -- like a pimple, but not squeezable -- on the very top edge of my ear.
What am I dying of?
Gene Weingarten: This is the second most common complaint of hypochondriacs. Seriously. The first most common is women thinking they have breast cancer, citing the inframammary ridge, which is normal, compressed tissue at the bottom of every breast.
People also think their breastbone is a tumor.
_______________________
"Get Fuzzy" Update?:
Did you ever follow up with Darby Conley about his Iraq storyline (his cousin loses a leg)? (Too bad such a great story got overshadowed by Doonesbury's brilliance the same week.) Anyway, some posters had suggested the possibility that Conley's story was based on a personal experience, and you promised to check it out.
Thanks, and poop.
Gene Weingarten: Alas, Darby doesn't talk. No answer.
_______________________
Bikini store:
Theory: From age 13 to age 73, all men want the same thing: a 22-year-old woman. Discuss.
Gene Weingarten: Depends what you mean by "want." If you mean want to live with in a connubial setting for more than, like, two hours... no.
Also, there is the daughter factor. No man can look with lust at a woman who is less than five years older than his youngest daughter. My daughter is 22. My theoretical lust age limit is 27. And that's just in theory.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.:
Speaking of "dirty" Style Invitationals, how on earth will the Empress be bale to print the funniest of the entries to Week 555, which ended last night? The whole purpose of the Week 555 contest is to appeal to one's prurient interest.
Gene Weingarten: We'll have to find out, won't we?
Okay, thanks folks. That's it for the day. See you next week, when I hope to have a movie list.
_______________________
New York, N.Y.:
Can we get a moratorium on people signing off with the word "poop?" It gets annoying.
Thanks. And moist. washingtonpost.com:
I'm right there with ya. Elbow.
Gene Weingarten: Done.
_______________________
| 
