News to aMUSE
Friday, January 28, 2005; 10:00 a.m. ET
Week's end approaches, but let us weep not
Though the work week has ended, it won't be forgot
So let's celebrate the sublime and perverse
Of these past few days, through poetic verse
Give us your limericks, your haikus and sonnets
Your Seussian babble and off-rhyming couplets
Submit your odes by Friday at 4
We'll post all the best (the rest we'll ignore)
But first a few rules to lend us some cred
If not news-related, your ode won't be read
So study the headlines, columns and briefs
Newsmakers, pundits, commanders-in-chief
Get the idea? Relate to the news...
Make your rhyme sing and we'll be sure to use
The transcript does follow
But let's hear not of sorrow
Brush up your technique
For more poems next week
Submissions become the property of washingtonpost.com and may be used in any way we see fit. A semi-fabulous prize based on what is currently cluttering our marketing trinket closet will be awarded to the "aMusing Poem of the Week." This week’s weather-appropriate swag is a pair of washingtonpost.com flip-flops.
Editor's Note: washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control
over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.
: Good Morning. And so it begins...
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Fairfax Station, Va.:
No matter how they figure it,
Or how they compute or vector,
Under any new federal pay system,
We'll make less than the private sector. : .
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Alexandria, Va.:
There was a film known as the Passion
The Academy didn't find it in fashion
Director Mel was perturbed
But not that disturbed
Because he could continue to cash in
: .
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Fairfax Station, Va.:
Within the comic community frats,
There’s this filthy joke, “The Aristrocrats”.
I can’t tell it to you, so don’t you sweat,
But that didn’t stop Mr. Penn Jillette.
For eighty-eight minutes of movie time,
He filmed noted comedians spewing puke and slime
'Bout a family so eager to get on the stage
That in all perversions they’d engage.
This movie good folks should boycott and picket.
First, tell me where I can buy a ticket. washingtonpost.com:
Take My Wife, Please -- Well, Not Quite., (Post, Jan. 24)
: .
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Bethesda, Md.:
There once was a woman named Maggie
Who took dough from the prez in a baggie
When finally caught
She cried "I forgot!"
And Bush had the nerve to get naggy!
washingtonpost.com: Writer Backing Bush Plan Had Gotten Federal Contract (Post, Jan. 26)
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Trenton, N.J.:
It was such a great day,
Oh so merry and bright,
With such halla-boo-lay,
But then came the night,
Full of wispy and wonderful winterly white!
Now it’s frilly and chilly,
And COLD, if you please,
But the day is still great,
And I’d break out my skis…
…but the slippery snowfall is up to my knees!
.:
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Long Beach, Calif.:
There went Johnny, now all that's left,
Is Ed McMahon, the lackey guest
Downtown Burbank drops it's head,
Now that Johnny Carsons' dead
.:
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Arlington, Va.:
Framing the Social Security Debate
The president's word preference
is "personal" over "private."
So shall the press show deference
in their questions, they transcribe it.
Did we forget the long campaign?
The ideas W would flount?
He touted a national gain
in a “private savings account.”
washingtonpost.com:
Semantics Shape Social Security Debate (Post, Jan. 23)
.:
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Hockessin, Del.:
When Summers sprung "Math's for us gent"
Ms. Hopkins got really quite bent
Larry's sexist gall
Will be his downfall
It's the winter of her discontent
washingtonpost.com:
Harvard Chief's Comments on Women Assailed (Post, Jan. 19)
.:
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Herndon, Va.:
We’re all thrilled by the news
The Eagles have lifted our blues
They’re on a roll
To the Super Bowl
Where the Birds won’t hear any boos
.:
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Arlington, Va.:
Trust, But Verify
The Caps have yet to touch the ice.
The Redskins record we must cope.
It seemed that DC United
was the District’s only hope.
Terps are average in ACC.
Georgetown’s improved, but not yet great.
The Nationals still have to deal
with Angelos’s constant hate.
But wait, nightly at MCI,
chanting crowds start to stomp and cheer.
They’ve already beat last season,
good Wizards are finally here?
Still we’re wary, we won’t believe
and pencil in those playoff days
Kornheiser’s columns haunt us still –-
the constant curse of Les Boulez.
.:
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Dupont Circle, Washington, D.C.:
If you're burdened with mountainous thighs
And a failure at things diet-wise
Then fidget and squirm
Til your body gets firm
It's the latest in non-excercise
washingtonpost.com:
Fidgeting Helps Separate the Lean From the Obese, Study Finds (Post, Jan. 28)
.:
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Arlington, Va.:
ODE TO OUR LEADERSHIP
A parka, ski cap, and some hiking boots
Dick Cheney in Auschwitz was a laughing hoot
At a solemn commemoration on a cold, cold day
He could not brave the weather in a more respectful way
Putin, Chirac, Kwasniewski, and the rest
Paid their respect with a more dignified dress
Another reason for the whole world to jest
At the powerful leaders of the good ol' US
washingtonpost.com:
Dick Cheney, Dressing Down (Post, Jan. 28)
.:
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Washington, D.C.:
Cheney's taking sartorial hits
for the get up he wore to Auschwitz
Though he should have known better,
He dressed like a sledder,
And the Post thought that choice was the pits.
.:
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Falls Church, Va.:
Marion Barry
Chem teacher for just one day
But Mayor for Life washingtonpost.com:
It's Chemistry and More in Barry's Class (Post, Jan. 28)
.:
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Walden, Vt.:
Sponge Bob Square Pants
Lives in a pineapple under the sea
If he were human he’d be here with me
Living in world where homophobia is free
Patrick, Teletubbies, Sesame too
Are they different from me and you
Mirrors of humanity whacky as they are
Sponge Bob Square Pants is the nicest by far
Tolerance and diversity fell into the sea
Absorbed by a sponge and his ocean family
.:
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Annandale, Va.:
Turning a Paige
Ah, ratings, the blessed curse.
For Trading Spaces they couldn’t be worse.
And so our beloved Paige
Is departing this TV stage
Cheerful and perky through sturm and drom
Why couldn’t it be Hildi moving on?
washingtonpost.com:
In 'Spaces' Makeover, It's Curtains for Paige (Post, Jan. 28)
.:
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Arlington, Va.:
Twinkle twinkle little star!
How I wonder what you are?
Ouch! -%#$#-! It was a pocker laser...
washingtonpost.com:
Laser Pointer Abuse Threatens Air Safety (Post, Jan. 27)
.:
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Williamsburg, Va.:
Ronald McDonald,
His Pockets Full of Big Macs--
"The Exercise Clown?"
washingtonpost.com:
McDonald's Makes Ronald a Health Ambassador (Post, Jan. 28)
.:
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Davos, Switzerland:
The American bluster and holler
Europeans have grabbed by the collar.
They say "Sharpen your minds
Or we'll wipe our behinds
With your ever-devaluing dollar!"
washingtonpost.com:
A Reign On the Wane? (Post, Jan. 28)
.:
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Washington, D.C.:
Fourth Quarter: Economy Slow
GDP says to those in the know
there'll be interest rates rising
Yet the Fed is advising
not to think about how much we owe. .:
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Washington, D.C.:
Poor Michael Moore,
His ego's so sore.
Snubbed by his friends,
said it seemed too pretend,
Looks like Bush has evened the score.
.:
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Washington, D.C.:
At the place known for "Arbeit Macht Frei,"
Our Vice Prez proved an out-of-touch guy.
Though he should have dressed formal,
he chose "Jackson Hole normal,"
and gave the U.S. a black eye. .:
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Herndon, Va.:
My boss asked if I'd had too much coffee
My wife wondered if it was epilepsy
They're not even close
Cause I read in the Post
That by fidgeting I can get down to 190.
.:
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Union Station, Washington, D.C.:
Our bold new initiative: freedom!
Nations want it, and despots impede 'em!
(Never mind, says the Prez,
We won't do as we says --
I don't mean those fine words, I just read 'em) .:
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washingtonpost.com:
Alas, this contest must end for the week
Most poems were good, some needed a tweak
Let’s plan a reunion
Post-State of the Union
To turn our attention to parsing Bush-speak
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