PBS: 'Be Good, Smile Pretty'
Tracy Tragos
Filmmaker
Tuesday, November 11, 2003; 1:00 p.m ET
'Be Good, Smile Pretty' is a personal documentary that chronicles filmmaker Tracy Droz Tragos's search for the father she never knew, a soldier who died in Vietnam when she was a baby.
Through interviews of family and her father's friends, the film reflects over 20,000 Americans whose fathers were killed during the Vietnam War. The film also reminds us of many children of American soldiers who lose their parents to war.
Tragos was online Tuesday, Nov. 11 at 1 p.m. ET.
Tragos won the best documentary feature award at the 2003 IFP Los Angeles Film Festival and was honored with the President's Award for Excellence in Documentary
Film from the Vietnam Veterans of America. She started her career at
DreamWorks, SKG. Her DreamWorks credits include
Dilbert's Desktop Games, Goosebumps: Escape from Horrorland, starring
Jeff Goldblum and Isabella Rossellini, and The Neverhood.
'Be Good, Smile Pretty' airs on PBS Tuesday, Nov. 11 at 10:30 p.m.
A transcript follows.
Editor's Note: washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control
over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.
Tracy Tragos: This is a very exciting day for me – BE GOOD, SMILE PRETTY will have its national broadcast premiere on PBS’s Independent Lens tonight at 10:30 p.m. I would never have imagined this day, two and half years ago. It’s been a long, hard road to get here – with the help and collaboration of a lot of people – but here we are.
I am most appreciative to have been asked to participate in this live discussion and to share my experiences and reflections of making this intensely personal film.
_______________________
Lyme, Conn.:
I understand the desire and interest to learn about our roots and how our ancestors were. Yet, often as people search for these connections, people always ask "why bother? How is knowing this going to change any part of your life?" Let me pose these questions to you: does you life change from better knowing your roots?
Tracy Tragos: Oh boy, that was a question asked by so many - my mother, my husband - even by me at real low times - "what's the point? It's not going to change the ending, so why go there?" But to me, in the end, there was a point. And in some small way I think I have changed the ending - it's not that my father comes back to life, that he doesn't die in the end - it's that for the first time in my life, I have a sense of my father and he gets to live on in me, in a way that he never has before. All the quirky, small, silly stuff that made him human gives me a better sense of myself, and who I am as his daughter. Yes, my life has changed in huge ways for having a deeper knowledge my roots, my history, my father, and myself.
_______________________
Concord, N.H.:
Do you ever find yourself thinking about
the darker side of your father--the one we
all have but that probably no one will talk
about? Like there's some part of him that
you can't ever know because the past
makes him only a hero?
Tracy Tragos: For most of my life, I had only known the “hero” stuff – the starched white picture of him in a frame on my dresser – the statistics from his obituary – that he was valedictorian of his high school class, etc. But after finding the article account of how he was killed, I wanted to know EVERYTHING about my father. I wanted to know about the times that he broke the rules or wore non-regulation brown shoes or flunked a test or got a speeding ticket. It was important for me to know this – to know that my father was human – not some God-like creature who never erred. I also wanted to know about his experience in Vietnam – as dark and scary and horrific as it was. I felt a responsibility as a his daughter to know all that he endured – if he lived it, I should be able to know about it.
_______________________
New York, N.Y.:
How did you pick the title "Be Good, Smile Pretty?"
Tracy Tragos: "BE GOOD, SMILE PRETTY" came from the way my father sometimes signed his letters to my mother. It resonated with me, because it felt like his voice...and advice he might have given me if he had lived...
I also thought the phrase spoke to how my mother reacted to my father's death - the way she shut-down and walled off the painful emotions of grief in an effort to survive.
_______________________
Pittsburgh, Pa.:
Just want to tell you CONGRATULATIONS on a job well done. It has been a long, hard road to get to this point, and yet well worth it. Those of us who know you are so very proud of you.
Tracy Tragos: Why, thank you. I sincerely appreciatiate it. A long hard road not just for me - but for my family. It was incredibly courageous of them to open up to me and allow me to revisit such a painful time in their lives.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.:
How long did it take you to produce your documentary? Have you ever filmed one before?
Tracy Tragos: I found the article that started all of this in March 2001 - and I finished in June 2003 - so just over two years.
This is my first film.
While I had some experience with filmmaking (I have an MFA from USC) - my background was writing. I had to learn a lot on the fly - and from the advice and support of people who had been there before.
_______________________
Oakland, Calif.:
What were the challenges of doing such
a personal documentary about you and
your family?
Tracy Tragos: Wow - so many, many challenges at lots of difference stages. A very scary proposition. During the filming - when to shoot, when not to shoot. During the editing - what was personally relevant, and what was important for a larger audience.
I never wanted this to be a "vanity" project - I wanted this story to be seen in a larger context. So, there was a hard balance to strike between me as a filmmaker and me as a daughter. I give credit to a lot of the folks by my side in this - my editor, Jenna McFeely, my sister-in-law, Kat Tragos, who shot a good amount of the footage, my husband, Chris Tragos who was a co-producer, my exec producer, Chris Donahue, the KCPT producers, Randy Mason and Michael Murphy, the ITVS crew, Heather Searles and David Lu.
Now that it’s “out there” for a larger audience to see, there are more challenges. How the exposure affects my family in ways that none of us anticipated.
_______________________
Bethesda, Md.:
Hi Tracy,
Today's Post has a story about Veterans welcoming home soldiers. I was wondering if you have gotten any feedback from any war veterans regarding your film? Also, do you know if there is an organization or group for those who lost their fathers in war? If so, what has been their reaction to your film>
Tracy Tragos: Yes, my first showing was for the Swift Boat Sailers Assocation - an organization for the men who served on the swift boats in Vietnam. They could not have been more supportive or more gracious. It was incredibly painful for them - at the same time, they understood why I needed to do this and the importance of sharing this film with a wider audience: to encourage other journeys like mine, to encourage healing and remembrance.
Now, we have had many other veterans groups partner with the film - to support outreach efforts, primarily - Vietnam Veterans of America, VFW, AVVA, VietNow - as well as grief organizations. (This is not a comprensive list -- you can go to www.pbs.org/begoodsmilepretty to get the full list). So there has been a tremendous outpouring of support.
And yes, there is an organization to support those who lost fathers in the Vietnam War - it's call Sons and Daughters in Touch - their web site is www.sdit.org. Also, I started an organization to make the film and do outreach and education with it - it's called Orphans of War Foundation. Our web site is www.orphansofwar.org
_______________________
Arlington, Va.:
We see a lot of our soldiers who are in Iraq who need a boost of morale and many men are first time fathers at war. Do you see any parallels in your situation to the current war now?
Tracy Tragos: There are some very basic parallels. No one - no soldier or sailor or service person - is just a statistic. They are sons and daughters and husbands and wives and possibly even fathers and mothers. This is so, so important to remember. And when anyone is killed in the prime of their life - it has huge implications. The loss doesn't simply affect one generation. It has deep, deep consequences. This is a reality that should not be forgotten.
As for morale, I think we need to keep the men and women in Iraq in our hearts - and let them know they are in our hearts - on a daily basis. We cannot let them slip into the backs of our minds, or the end of newscasts, or page 16 of the paper.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.:
Hello,
Thank you for your work, looking at the other side of war. It too is so important...and very sad seeing the families that are torn apart losing their fathers, brothers, mothers, etc.
However in America, we tend not to want to face the realities of the real price of war and promote soldiers like lynch with books and tv specials.
Tracy Tragos: Thank you for your sentiments - the reality of war, the reality of loss and grief - none of it is pretty. I think that was the hardest thing I had to grapple with in sharing this personal film - how hard it was for my family— all the tears, all the raw, painful emotion. How could I share that with a larger audience and not scare them away? Why would someone tune in to watch a woman cry, when they could instead watch a sit-com with a laugh track? I hope, however, that there will be an audience tonight. And that that audience will have an increased understanding of the loss that is still so deeply felt. And the importance and healing power of remembrance.
_______________________
Virginia:
When is your film airing? If I missed it, do you know of a rebroadcast date?
Tracy Tragos: BE GOOD, SMILE PRETTY will be on PBS's Independent Lens tonight (11/11). In honor of Veteran's Day. I could not be more grateful that they chose to air it on this important day. Please check your local listings for the time - most stations are airing it at 10:30 p.m.
_______________________
Oakland, Calif.:
How is your mom dealing with the film
and all of the publicity it has raised? How
has she changed?
Tracy Tragos: This is really, really hard for my mother. But I do believe that both she and I are in a better place. I venture to say, this has been a cathartic experience for my entire family. To open up the trunks. To revive my father's memory. And for my mother, to grieve his loss for the first time in 32 years.
Yet - the publicity is whole other kettle of fish. I don't think any of us expected this part of it to be so strange - and awkward. While we are grateful that people appreciate the film - there is a personal, private aspect of all of this that I've (selfishly) made public. And that can be hard to continue to speak about publicly.
I certainly never intended to do this for personal celebrity – I hoped that in the sharing of my journey it would encourage others. But my family and my father’s loss is no more tragic or important or deserving of remembrance than anyone else on the Wall or anyone else’s memory who has been buried. I hope that with the increased visibility and publicity around this film – our personal story will be seen in a larger context and that that’s what people will write about.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.:
Has your attitude about war changed?
Tracy Tragos: This is a hard question. My attitudes about a lot of things have changed - the honor of my father's service, but also, how strange and horrific it is for people to kill each other to resolve conflicts. My mother has become a pacifist. I don't know what I am.
I do know it was really sad to go to Vietnam recently - to the spot on the river where my father was killed - and to have the village and the country be so welcoming and friendly. I just kept thinking - why did my father have to die? why did so many have to die? If just years later, in one lifetime, we can be "friends" - I can walk freely on the site of such horror and death. How can that be?
_______________________
Fairfax, Va.:
Who told you the most about your father? Did you talk to any of his comrades who were with him in Vietnam?
Tracy Tragos: Growing up, I think my grandmother told me the most about my father - but it was still so difficult for her to discuss. It was never that there was a grand conspiracy not to talk about my father - more that he was a subject that was avoided. By me, too. I didn't want to see my family cry - I didn't want to cause them pain. I didn't want to dig up the past.
But in finding this article and making this film, for the first time in my life, I didn't stop when the tears came. And in the end, I think it was a combination of people who had the "puzzle pieces" to my father - my mother had so many stories and letters, my uncle, and also my father's friends and comrades in Vietnam.
_______________________
Maryland:
Do you plan on continuing your theme of children who have lost their parent(s) to war in other documentaries?
Tracy Tragos: I would like to continue to do outreach with this film - to reach other children like me who may have been giving with a longing and a grief that they never talked about. I think it is important to know you are not alone.
As for the subject of my next film, I don't yet know what it will be. I am pursuing different ideas right now...and also trying to catch up on my sleep!
_______________________
Oakland, Calif.:
Did you discover that you are like your
father in any way?
Tracy Tragos: I discovered that I look like my father. I have his eyes. Especially when I smile.
I also learned that he was really perseverant. And I certainly found that in myself in making this film. I wouldn't take no for an answer.
The favorite thing I learned was that my father had a wicked, irreverent sense of humor. While I don't claim to have that yet - I'm working on it!
_______________________
Seminole, Fla.:
It is my belief that your father is smiling upon you and is so very proud of what you have accomplished. Your family loves you.
Tracy Tragos: Thank you! (I think this is my grandmother McCoy's post - my mother's mother.) I couldn't have accomplished this without my family's support.
_______________________
Pittsburgh, Pa.:
I heard somewhere that you are now writing a book. True?
Tracy Tragos: Yes, I am. I kept a journal while I was making this film. I think it kept me sane during the really hard, dark times.
There were so many layers to this journey to know my father, and in the end, to know myself. And it affected so many people - my family and veterans alike. My book goes deeper into all of this and where my family and I am today.
_______________________
Washington, D.C.:
What do you think of the Jessica Lynch story? Do you think that her story is just a ploy for the Bush administration to bolster support for the war and to demonstrate success in the war? Do you think it should get all this publicity given that other soldiers were killed and even rescued around the same time?
Tracy Tragos: There are so many stories out there. And honestly, I don't think any one story is necessarily more deserving than any other. It really depends on what captures the public's imagination and curiosity.
I simply hope that her story - will lead to more publicity for all the soldiers who were killed (and who are being killed)...
_______________________
Oakland, CA:
I think that it takes a tremendous amount
of courage to make a documentary of this
nature. A heartfelt congratulations to you.
How do you think the documentary
resonates with any one who has dealt
with death, loss, buried grief?
Tracy Tragos: Thank you.
I have been most grateful to hear from those who lost fathers in Vietnam and from veterans who have found solace and meaning in the film - in a way, I really made this film for them. But what has been unexpected and really rewarding is to learn of so many others who have found relevance - those who have experienced loss through any number of circumstances, those who have buried their grief, people who are adopted who have longed to know their history and the story of their birth parents.
I hope that when the film is seen on PBS it will continue to resonate in these deeper ways, beyond those who were directly affected by the Vietnam War. For loss is not specific to any war or country or circumstance. At its heart, BE GOOD, SMILE PRETTY is not so much about war, but about grief. And the solace that can come with remembrance.
_______________________
Tracy Tragos: I am most grateful to have been given the opportunity to be here - thanks to so many who participated and asked such great questions.
I do hope you will tune in tonight - 10:30 on PBS - to see BE GOOD, SMILE PRETTY and continue the conversation on www.pbs.org/begoodsmilepretty
And on this Veteran's Day, please remember all the men and women in uniform – past and present – around the world. Hold them in your hearts. Thank them for their service. And pray for peace.
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