|
Funny? You Should Ask
Hosted by Gene Weingarten
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, July 2, 2002; Noon EDT
Gene Weingarten's controversial humor column, Below the Beltway, appears every Sunday in the Washington Post Magazine, generating more mail than Santa gets at Christmas. Not all of it is wildly condemnatory. Some of
it is only mildly annoyed. Weingarten came to the Post in 1990 after being chased out of Miami at midnight by farmers with pitchforks and burning torches. He is also reputed to be close to persons thought to be familiar with individuals claiming to be authoritative spokesmen for the mysterious and reclusive Czar of The Style Invitational.
He was online, at any rate, Tuesday, July 2 at Noon EDT, to take your
questions, and abuse. And he'll be back every other Tuesday, so stay tuned.
He'll chat about anything.
The transcript follows.
Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control
over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.
Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon. I'd like to share some inside poop from the Style Invitational treehouse. Last week, we had a first-time occurrence of a strange humor happenstance.
The Invitational -- judged two weeks previously -- had been preparing to award first runner-up to an entry by Lex Friedman of Manalapan, N.J. The goal was to come up with
lame-o, humor-impaired entries for a "Jeopardy!‘ contest. The answer we supplied was "Enron and Cream of Mushroom Soup,‘ and Lex's entry was: "What rhymes with 'Shmenron and
Shmeam of Shmushroom Shmoup'?‘ The Czar loved the idiocy of this entry. Then, he read an advance copy of Dave Barry's column scheduled to appear the weekend BEFORE that
Style Invitational would run. It began with a joke about disguising the identity of a hotel by calling it the "Hotel Shpennsylvania in Shmanhattan, accross from Shmadison
Square Garden.‘ The identical joke! The Czar reluctantly downgraded Lex to runner-up status, not because his entry WAS derivative, but because it would have LOOKED
derivative.
This might go down in the annals of humor coincidence; The Czar is writing a monograph on the subject to be presented at the next International Humor Convention in
Geneva, which he will attend by speakerphone since he never appears in public.
On a second note, two weeks ago, The Invitational awarded a blind t-shirt to an entry deemed too risque to publish. The Czar received an email from a 51-year-old woman, requesting to know the joke. The Czar agreed, but only on the condition that he receive personal permission from the reader's mother. So a call was made. "If Barbara wants to know, I suppose it is all right with me,‘ said Mom. So the disclosure was made.
That's what it takes, folks.
One last thing: I hate it when I am scooped on breaking humor, especially by Howie Kurtz. I hope you all read his column Monday, specifically the item headlined "Left
Hanging."
Questions? Comments?
washingtonpost.com:
Media Notes: Martha's Boardroom Makeover (Washington Post, July 1, 2002)
Laurel, Md.:
Gene,
'Fraid you column this week was in solid second as the funniest page in the Sunday Mag; and I don't mean Dave Barry had you beat. Did you see that photo in the middle of the article about female Viagara, that represented "Male Sexuality" as a light switch and "Femal Sexuality" as what looks like the main control panel of a nuclear reactor?
By the way, have Post market researchers determined that Sunday Mag readers like articles about gender differences? It's the main topic of Significant Others, a recurring theme in your and Dave Barry's columns, and now female Viagara makes the front cover.
washingtonpost.com:
Below the Beltway (Washington Post, June 30, 2002)
Gene Weingarten:
Shame on you. You should know that my reach is tentacular. My hand is everywhere. The diabolical Brian Noyes, the art director who came up with the excellent idea for that illustration, borrowed the control panel from ME. It has sat on my desk for years.
I called it "The Editing Machine.'
As far as male-female, what can I say? When I approached Simon and Schuster about writing a book with Gina, I pointed out that if you are writing about men and women, you have a pretty large potential audience, demographic-wise.
Not far enough away:
"He'll chat about anything."
You say that like it's a virtue.
Gene, I'm sorry to say your humor seems... limited. If you found other columnists taking such ergophobic routes as having a smarter (and funnier) woman provide half the material, or listing "zany" names, or bitching about how their empyrean wit had been squelched by a troglodytic editor -- you'd take the lazy-butt route of mocking them, probably in three or four different columns.
To say nothing of the pretentiousness of the Style Invitational, a print form of adult day care.
My own theory is that Gene Weingarten and Bob Levey are the same person.
Bob does the smarmy side of things -- the man has never seen a situation he didn't think could be improved by posting a little sign somewhere ("No discharging of bazookas on Metro, please."), and manages to fill up 50 percent of his column quota with fund-raising appeals or amusing anecdotes sent in by people who think "ink-stained wretch" the height of originality.
Gene, of course, is in charge of booger jokes and pretending that anyone other that the two dozen regulars actually pays any attention to the Invitational.
Get out of your comfort zone. I actually think you may be capable of both insight and originality, but week after week the evidence seems scarcer.
Gene Weingarten: Obviously, you know nothing -- NOTHING -- of my work. Dave Barry is boogers; I am poop.
Washington, D.C.:
Hey Gene! Did you see that the discussion held just before this one on July 4th security was co-hosted by Sgt. Scott Fear of the Park Police? How's that for a fitting name? washingtonpost.com:
Fourth of July Security (July 2, 2002)
Gene Weingarten: An excellent aptonym, as is the one below.
Huntsville, Ala.:
There was an article on the website yesterday about the search for "pink" Viagra. It quoted the director of the University of Washington Reproductive and Sexual Medicine Clinic, name: Julia Heiman. Which is much funnier when you pronounce it the way I have been.
Gene Weingarten: See?
Washington, D.C.:
Good afternoon, Gene,
What happened to, "Meanwhile, Somewhere in the City"? I so looked forward to those little gems of gargoyles and gnomes with an occasional horse head thrown in. Has this been removed from your column permanently? If so, I just might have to cancel the Sunday Post. Those additional 16 words you can now throw in can't possibly make up for the loss of the photos.
Gene Weingarten: The diabolical Brian Noyes eliminated it! Right after I complained about it in print. I almost feel guilty now. It has placed an added burden on me to make those 16
extra words as good as possible. In fact, it is an enormous, unwelcome responsiblity. It's depressing. Noyes lives to annoy me. Even when Noyes loses, he wins.
Diabolical.
College Park, Md.:
All I want to know is where did the Post Magazine people find that sad-eyed lady of the low sexual satisfaction to represent feminine impotance. Did she know what her face would come to represent? Are there any other women out there who wouldn't mind being the female Bob Dole?
Gene Weingarten: Noyes found her. He has no shame.
Alexandria, Va.:
Do you point at things with your middle
finger? My dad did this and when I was a
child, I was totally mortified by the fact
that he obviously didn't know the other
meaning of the gesture. Now I'm guessing he
did, and was secretly amused by the
embarrassment he caused us. If I ever have
kids, I'll probably humiliate them in the
same fashion and laugh inwardly.
Gene Weingarten: My Dad didn't have to point with his middle finger to humiliate me. He wore pants that ended in mid-shin and socks with sandals.
Chicago, Ill.:
Greetings,
I have recently begun to teach a course on basic keyboard skills. I have found some of the sentences the students are supposed to type to be somewhat, well, contrived.
Could you compose two fifty character lines providing deep insights on life using the characters on the home row, "i," "e," "n," "h," "t," "r" and "c" for tonight's test?
I hope to improve on:
Jake and Ann hiked in the sand; Asa set the tents. Fred Derr and Rae Tira dined at the Tree Art Fair. Alan asked Dina if Neil and Reed had left at nine.
Gene Weingarten: Let life tickle; still, feelings are essential.
And this can sadden things, as, indeed, can death.
Gene Weingarten: (anyone have any idea how hard that was, on deadline?)
Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C.:
Great interview with Billy Collins in today's paper. It reminded me of the book Poetry Under Oath: From the Testimony of William Jefferson Clinton and Monica S. Lewinsky, that came out a few years ago. It took the actual testimony and spaced it out, so that it actually did flow kind of poetically. I think his testimony made better poetry than hers. An example:
'Little Tiny Spot'
I told him
That I really cared about him
And he told me
That he didn't want to get
Addicted to me
And he didn't want me to get
Addicted to him
And we embraced at that point
And that's--
I mean it was--it's just a
Little tiny spot
Down here
And a
Little tiny spot
Up here
Gene Weingarten: Okay, interesting. However, my interview with Billy Collins does not appear until this weekend. Ergo, you are caught. You are an employee of the Washington Post who read it in the advanced copies of the magazine, available in this building.
We have to do something about these Post scoundrels who invade other people's chats.
Dot Common, The Ellipse:
Gene...
I am alarmed at a trend in emails where every sentence just trails off... No attempts at punctuation are made... The people who write them otherwise seem bright and are supposedly educated... Why then do they write as if they were lovelorn teenagers...
Your comments please...
Gene Weingarten: This is actually an old adolescent epistolary convention... Which actually raises a point... The actual use of an ellipsis, which is what these three dots are, is intended to indicate where words were eliminated.... As in, "one nation...indivisible, for liberty..." Copyeditors such as Police Officer Obie, the magazine's ace copyeditor, always insist that any deletion of words from a quote be marked by a ... even where the deletion changes no meaning whatsoever. I always argue this is insane, Officer Obie, since most readers don't even KNOW of this convention and think the .... is just a pause, the way they use it in letters...
What do YOU think?
Bowie, Md.:
Is there anyone who regularly submits dozens of completely humorless entries to the style contest every week, that the Czar just sighs when he sees the e-mail address?
Gene Weingarten: Yes, there are several. And at the beginning, it made the Czar sad, very sad, because he felt almost compelled to call these people up and tell them, listen, you're never gonna get it, you're wasting your time.
Then one day about three years ago, something wonderful happened. One of these people, who had been submitting the lamest imaginable stuff for years, simply started to (ellipsis) GET IT. He has begun appearing regularly. In fact, regular readers would recognize his name. He is funny, now.
There is hope for the humor impaired. Humor, apparently, can be learned.
Gene Weingarten: I have just been informed by washingtonpost.com -- whose name is Meredith but who is, I am reliably informed, a boy and is no doubt tired of jokes on this subject -- that my interview with Billy Collins is indeed on the website. The website jumped the gun.
However, I don't take back what I said about the chat-invading scum.
College Park, Md.:
Please tell the Czar that the last Invitational failed. I actually giggled at a couple of the questions. Thank you.
Gene Weingarten: I, personally, thought the winner was so spectacularly unfunny it was spectacularly funny.
Bowie, Md.:
Has any reader ever suggested an Invitational contest, then sent in an entry so good it was obvious they had pre-written their submission then suggested the contest idea they would win with it?
Gene Weingarten: You would have to ask (Russell Beland, Springfield) who keeps track of such things, but I don't believe anyone who suggested a contest has ever come back to win it. Possibly some people have tried.
Arlington, Va.:
Use of the elipsis is entirely proper. Any willingness to preclude its use simply reflects the careless and lackadaisical many reporters (and all humor columnists) toward accuracy in print journalism.
BTW, the three-dotted ellipsis is used in the middle of a sentence; if words are deleted at the end of a sentence, a four-dot ellipsis (which includes the period) is appropriate, you scurrilous ....
Gene Weingarten: Your syntax is all screwed up in that first paragraph, lady.
Red Glare, Va.:
Can you recommend the safest place to view this year's 4th of July fireworks display? (Please don't answer: "On TV", Gene.)
Gene Weingarten: My family is trying to figure this out. For the first time, we live in walkable distance but we're not so damn sure we want to walk there.
On TV.
Speaking of gender differences:
Why is it that funny females are so rare? And should the government be setting money aside for them as a natural resource or an endangered species?
Gene Weingarten: Funny females are not rare. I think women are just as funny as men. The buttons are different. Sort of like that Viagra illustration.
Washington, D.C.:
Gene,
Did you see the article in Sunday's paper about the total inability to kill off Mark Trail. Are the comics people trying to forwarn us about an upcoming battle? Or are they apologizing in advance for not getting rid of it? washingtonpost.com:
Poachers and Editors Beware: Mark Trail Always Comes Punching Back (Washington Post, June 30, 2002)
Gene Weingarten: This was a truly terrific story. It points up, I believe, an awful lack of courage on the part of newspapers. Just because there are a few hundred fanatics out there (or a few dozen, with a lot of stamps or email addresses) willing to raise holy heck, doesn't mean editors should abandon their responsibility to edit. We don't tailor our other coverage based on letters the editor.
Mark Trail is a pustule of a strip. Mary Worth is godawful. One Big Happy is dreadful. Classic Peanuts is a grave insult to the many fine 'toonists trying to get noticed out there. I could go on and on. Somebody needs to have some guts, here.
I will say that The Post has made some good decisions recently. Both Gene Pool and Pearls Before Swine are good, even if PBS ripped off the name of a great 60s band.
Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C.:
As an editor, I appreciate your clarification
of some of the more, er, "interesting"
Washington Post style anomalies. But my
question has nothing to do with that.
Today's my birthday. Can you wish me a
happy birthday? (If it makes any
difference, I'm an attractive 32 year old
female.)
Gene Weingarten: No.
Toledo:
So once again you heap abuse upon us. Why, why, why is Toledo, and not, say, St. Louis, funny?
Gene Weingarten: It's hard to explain. There is subtlety here. For example, St. Louis is not funny, but East St. Louis is. Sheboygan is funny. Charlotte is not. Peoria is of course funny. One of my favorite Style Invitational entries of all time defined "Peoria" as "that euphoric feeling you get after a badly needed visit to the bathroom."
Gaithersburg, Md.:
There's no more attractive, non physical, quality in a woman then a sense of humor. But ask yourself this: are you laughing at cuteness or actual humor? Women get a free ride with this cuteness stuff, which is fine on it's own, but tends to be confused with real deal funny.
The moral is women are less funny than men but far cuter.
Gene Weingarten: I don't agree. Humor is a reaction to the absurdity of life. Both men and women see it. I would say that they see it in equal measure. Seriously. No joke.
Gaithersbug, Md.:
I'm married now, and feel my sense of humor slipping away from me. Is there anything I can do?
Gene Weingarten: This relates to the previous question. There is no reason that the state of marriage should impair anyone's sense of humor. In fact, it should improve it. Things get more surreal.
Washington, D.C.:
I am a 30 year old educated female. Is there something wrong with me that I listen to Eminem and find his music (don't argue with me and say that it's not music) fun to listen to?
Gene Weingarten: I wrote a column about Eminem. I think he is hilarious. I like him. I think it is a big, funny shtick, and totally harmless. I consider him a comedian. Meredith, think you can find this one? It was more than a year ago, I'd say...
Montgomery Village, Md.:
my dad sometimes tucks polo shirts into sweatpants in public.
Gene Weingarten: I have been known to do this, but only in the presence of my children.
Washington, D.C.:
I'm new to Washington, new to the Post. Who the heck is the Czar and what is so mythical about him? (I assume it's a him, or it would be Czarina, no?) I don't understand the aura of mystery here.
Gene Weingarten: Can't help you much here. My advice is to go out in the street and stop random strangers, and as "Who Is The Czar and Why Does He Hate Me?" You will get your answer in due course. Or die trying.
Peoria, Ill.:
Women have more cerebral humor. Men are into fart jokes. Sorry, but as a woman, I don't think that "pull my finger" is particularly hysterical.
Gene Weingarten: See, here is where you are wrong. "Pull my finger" is hysterical BECAUSE it is so idiotic. I mean, initially, the first time it was done by some complete comedic genius whose identity is lost to history, it would have been cosmically and spectacularly funny. Then, for a while, it became lame. But I would argue that now its lameness has become its strength.
Cranky female editor:
I would say there's no non-physical quality more attractive in a man THAN the ability to spell.
Riding the Cute Train for All It's Worth
Gene Weingarten: I, too, find good spelling irresistibly sexy. And the interesting thing is, I not only mean it, but like-minded individuals understand that I mean it, and why.
A cubicle somewhere in Montgomery County:
Kim O'Donnel is running her cooking chat at the same time. Meredith is supposedly acting as producer for both your chats. The superstitions and karma against giving knives has risen to the fore on Kim's show. What is Meredith doing to keep bad karma from destroying your show? washingtonpost.com:
I am a multi-taking God.
Gene Weingarten: Don't mess with the chatmaster. He has the power to make things uncomfortable for me here.
Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C.:
Gene--
Thanks for recognizing how funny a comic strip "Pearls before Swine" is. It's one of those strips that can take an extremely silly joke and make it uproarious. My favorite was when the rat asked the pig, "If you could speak to any person, living or dead, who would it be?" To which the pig replied, "The living one. I'm not as stupid as you think I am."
Gene Weingarten: Actually, this reminds me of something bizarrely funny that someone once said. I think it was a friend of mine, though I don't specifically recall the source. The question was, "If you could have sex with anyone on Earth, living or dead, who would it be?' And he said, "Christie Brinkley, dead."
Inside the Outer Loop:
My dad loves telling those long, convoluted jokes with awful puns for punchlines, like "Making an obscene clone fall" and "It's a long, long way to tip a Rarey". He also thinks it's a scream to reply to a server's "Hi. I'm [server name], I'll be your server" with "Hi, we're the [our family name]. We'll be your customers."
What is most amazing is that my mother, who has heard these chestnuts a bazillion times, never fails to laugh like it's the funniest thing she's ever heard.
Are they both insane? Or just one? How can I tell which?
Gene Weingarten: Neither is insane. They are in the long and lovely process of Making a Marriage Work.
Funny Place Names:
Thanks for making me laugh by mentionign Sheboygan! It sounds like something Jerry Lewis would say. But my favorite place name ever is a small village in Scotland called "Bonkle."
I think male-female humor differences are societally conditioned, not inherent. I am a girl who was raised by a feminist mom not to adhere to the conventions of femininity, & my fave joke is the one about the 10-inch pianist.
Gene Weingarten: Do you know the variation of that joke, in which the little guy at the bar is not a pianist but a real bastard, kicking over the beer onto his sandwich, etc? A better version.
Nani, Tex.:
Lucille Ball was the funniest human being on earth, hands down.
Gene Weingarten: Um, no. Sorry. Not even close. Sorry. Not even worthy of debate. She was funny, but a shtickmeister. Andy Kaufman might get my vote, or Richard Pryor. Richard Pryor.
Alexandria, Va.:
Just got myself tickets to see Bob Odenkirk and David Cross (Mr. Show) when they come to town in September. Did you ever see their show? It is beautiful.
Could you list your top three favorite sketch comedy shows in order?
Gene Weingarten: Okay. Not sure how you are defining sketch comedy. I assume you don't mean sitcoms, the best of which was The Honeymooners. Second is Simpsons. Third is probably Seinfeld. WKRP might be in the mix.
The best sketch comedy of all time was SNL 1977-1979. Not sure how anyone could seriously debate this.
That's it for today, peeps. See you in two weeks.
washingtonpost.com:
That wraps up today's show. Thanks to everyone who joined the
discussion.
Stay tuned to Live Online:
Firework Safety at 1 p.m. EDT
Lean Plate Club with Sally Squires at 1 p.m. EDT
Political analyst Charles E. Cook on Rep. J.C. Watts' Retirement at 1:30 p.m. EDT
Capital Punishment with Father Robert F. Drinan at 2 p.m. EDT
Did you know that you can follow more than one Live Online discussion at
the same time? Just open another browser window and toggle back and
forth between discussions! And, if you miss one, catch up with the Live
Online transcripts.
Keep up with the latest in news, sports, politics and entertainment with
washingtonpost.com
e-mail newsletters.
NEW! Personalize your Post with mywashingtonpost.com.
Get customized news, traffic, weather and more.
| |
© Copyright 2002 The Washington Post Company | 
