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Funny? You Should Ask
Hosted by Gene Weingarten
Washington Post Staff Writer
Tuesday, Oct. 8, 2002; Noon ET
Gene Weingarten's controversial humor column, Below the Beltway, appears every Sunday in the Washington Post Magazine, generating more mail than Santa gets at Christmas. Not all of it is wildly condemnatory. Some of
it is only mildly annoyed. Weingarten came to the Post in 1990 after being chased out of Miami at midnight by farmers with pitchforks and burning torches. He is also reputed to be close to persons thought to be familiar with individuals claiming to be authoritative spokesmen for the mysterious and reclusive Czar of The Style Invitational.
He is online, at any rate, each Tuesday, to take your questions, and abuse.
He'll chat about anything.
The transcript follows.
Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control
over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.
Gene Weingarten: Good afternoon. My column on Sunday provoked a number of indignant letters from males named Ashley, including one who works at The Post, objecting to my implication that
theirs is an effeminate pantywaist doilytype girlyname. They pointed out, quite rightly, that in the 20th Century women have appropriated several previously male names,
including Ashley, Leslie, Robin and Evelyn. This is true, though I contend that these were names ripe for the picking, if you get my drift. It did remind me of one of my favorite obscure literary facts. Evelyn Waugh's wife was named Evelyn.
Are you rrready to grrrrrummmble?
Okay, I'm asking....:
What is the purpose of the question mark in the title of your column, "Funny? You Should Ask"? I thought the phrase was "funny you should ask," as in, "gee, what a coincidence that you asked about that." So basically, I'm confused.
Gene Weingarten: As Noam Chomsky or another snotty semiotician might observe: By placing a questionmark after the first word, it elevates the hermeneutic challenge of the sentence; to
wit, it takes a statement and playfully inverts it into an inquiry. What is this inquiry? Nothing less than the profound question of ... what is humor? Having stated
that lofty objective, the remainder of the sentence makes the rather astonishing assertion that the host of this chat not only encourages and invites such inquiry, but promises to resolve it through his own expertise. Which brings us to the next question.
Omaha, Neb.:
What are your thoughts on the jokes our friends in the U.K. compiled? Having married a woman of Irish descent, I can certainly attest to her preferences to jokes involving word play. PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum." DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
Also, do you agree with Richard Wiseman's assessment on the required elements of humor: "jokes work for lots of different reasons. They sometimes make us feel superior to others, reduce the emotional impact of anxiety-provoking situations or surprise us because of some kind of incongruity." By the way, is Wiseman an aptonym for this wise guy?
washingtonpost.com:
The World's Funniest Joke -- Official, (Reuters, Oct. 3)
Gene Weingarten: Yes, this is in reference to a recent story in which a group of Brits reported the results of a study to find the world's best joke. They asked hundreds of thousands of
people in an online survey. The winner was "Two hunters from New Jersey are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are
glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?‘ The operator in a calm,
soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.‘
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now
what?‘
Now, this joke is funny, though it is obviously not the funniest joke in the world, and we all know why. It may be among the funnier jokes that are considered inoffensive enough to include in an internation survey. But even this joke confirms what I have always said about humor: The best humor is hostile. This joke, though scrubbed and whitewashed to insult only New Jerseyans (The linked version even strips New
Jersey from the joke, making it less funny) obviously began as an ethnic joke. It was a
joke at the expense of some group stereotypically perceived to be dumb. Moreover, it is about death. It is even about MURDER. Which brings me to the last point. Yes, I
agree with this guy's definition of what is funny, though he doesn't go quite far enough. I would say all humor exists not just to allay our fears about specific
anxiety-provoking situations, but to allay our fears about how completely existentially terrifying and randomly punishing life is. Humor exists to laugh in the face of the silliness and illogic and hypocrisy of our species, and the certainty of our own encroaching decrepitude and death. And I'm serious about that.
Annandale, Va.:
Gene,
Congratulations on getting that Linda Lovelace entry past the taste mavens on Sunday!
You might want to know of a stroke of genius a couple of weeks ago in the Sunday crossword puzzle. Over time one of the creator's favorite words has been "esses," and each time he has to come up with an original clue. This time it was "Bisset has two."
Gene Weingarten: That two esses thing is terrific. It is innocuous, except for what happens in the sleazy theater of the mind.
Linda Lovelace, too. The Linda Lovelace entry was a highly sophisticated joke relying on a very gentle and sly manipulation of the rules of syntax and word choice, and as such was a perfectly acceptable -- indeed, a classicly elegant -- entry. The Czar hid it deep in the Honorable Mentions.
Names:
And have you noticed how some names, rather than changing genders, just disappear? What was the last person under 40 you met named Ethel? Or Floyd, Gertrude, Lemuel. Where do they go?
Gene Weingarten: They are alive, breathing and wonderful. It is why I love graveyards.
Herndon, Va.:
What are some of the other books that the Men's Book Club of Charlottesville has studied?
Gene Weingarten: Their most recent selection, prior to mine, was the Worst Case Scenario Dating Handbook, which included tips on such things as how to have sex in small cars, and how to unstick a stuck zipper. This is a class group.
Lansing, Mich.:
I notice that "Mean Gene" makes another appearance this week in the stupendously excellent and wholly desirable comic strip, "Frazz," by Jef Mallett. Is this an homage to your peerless wit and talent, or an obvious ploy to get some easy publicity in your Tuesday chat forum?
Jef, um, Malkovich
Gene Weingarten: It is part of a grassroots groundswell of support for one of the greatest cartoon strips, as yet tragically unrecognized in most parts of America, that the world has ever seen.
Bethesda, Md.:
Dear Gene,
Please cheer us up today. I stood with my kids at their bus stop this morning for reasons that are not funny at all. Give us something to at least smile at. Any good, new fitting names?
Gene Weingarten: I have been corresponding with a woman named Emily Hoar. Her sister is Meredith Hoar. They had a very difficult childhood.
Virginia:
gene - love the column and chats blah blah blah. Seriously, what's the funniest luncheon meat? My nominees: spam, souse, canned ham. Any comments?
Gene Weingarten: Spam is no longer funny because it has been overjoked about. However, there was a brilliant comic in the paper a few weeks ago, where the officials of the Spam company were meeting and the boss is yelling: "What idiot came up with the idea of a new marketing campaign using the Internet?"
I like souse a lot. But nothing is better than Smorked Beef Rectum.
New York, N.Y.:
Is there a joke to be made about how authorities were pulling over every white truck (and every white car, to be on the safe side) looking for a sniper? Or does the fact that this story is hopelessly bound up with a story about a sniper ruin it?
Gene Weingarten: Actually, no. I will mention that the other day, while I was walking my dog in Southeast, a couple of guys in a white van slowed down and stopped next to me. They asked for directions to U.S. 1. I kept my distance, and tried to help them. They asked me to point to something on their map, and I refused to approach the car. What the hell is going on, they wanted to know. I explained. They burst out laughing. They had been stopping to ask directions for the last ten minutes, and everybody ran.
The Hoar Sisters:
Thanks from Bethesda, Gene. It worked!!!
Gene Weingarten: You're welcome.
DC/DC:
Gene, Gene, Gene... The funniest joke?
Everyone knows it's the one with the punchline that goes, "Rectum? Hell, damn near killed him!"
Gene Weingarten: No, it's probably one with the punchline "Because it might be your bicycle." Or, "Because, if you really had to, you could probably eat a bowling ball." But that's off the top of my head.
Arlington, Va.:
Go ahead and make fun of us if you want. But remember, if it wasn't for guys with chick's names who would choreograph?
-Meredith
Gene Weingarten: Noted.
Fairfax, Va.:
Surprised at the lack of withering criticism
for you to pass along to the Czar concerning
the current Style Invitational. It's "a lazy dog", not "the lazy dog". Sheesh!
Gene Weingarten: Correct. Either works, of course, but "a" is shorter.
Dupont Circle, Washington, D.C.:
I think the Metro operators took your Sept. 15 column to heart. Of the two times per day over the past month that I have passed through Judiciary Square, I have only heard them say Judish-U-ary Square (or use other mangling) on a handful of occasions. Otherwise, they have been pronouncing it correctly.
Thank you. My ears are happy. washingtonpost.com:
Below the Beltway, (Sept. 15)
Gene Weingarten: I am sort of stunned. Someone tell the Pulitzer committee.
Charlottesville, Va.:
Glad to see you enjoyed yourself at UVA last week. Somehow I don't think you'd find the same intelligent discussion at Virginia Tech. Tell me, do you find any difference in humor depending on the level of education? Are you able to understand more levels of humor with higher education? Or is education perhaps less conducive to finding humor in the truly stupid? washingtonpost.com:
I'm a Virginia Tech grad and clearly don't understand much beyond Gene's poopy jokes. -- Liz
Gene Weingarten: I would say that exposure to higher education probably increases one's CAPACITY for a sense of humor, because of all the bulldoody you are exposed to. This is all fodder for later deconstruction and contempt. Unless you get caught up in the bulldoody. In which case it hurts your sense of humor.
New York, N.Y.:
What are the setups to those punchlines?
Gene Weingarten: What, you think I'm suicidal?
La Plata, Md.:
Gene, are names that are the complete opposite to a person's occupation funny? For instance, I found this Web site, that is by and about a cop in Orem, Utah who is named, Officer William Crook.
Gene Weingarten: Yes, anti-aptonyms are simply a subset of aptonyms. The child smacker was named Toogood. The head of the FTC is named Orson Swindle.
Washington, D.C.:
Gene,
Like you, I'm a transplanted South Floridian living in D.C. I'm a wonderin' -- when you went to Joe's Stone Crab, did they make you wait for three hours? Did you tip "The Man?" Did your sheer fame make them lead you instantly to your seat?
Gene Weingarten: Yes, when I was editor of Tropic Magazine, we actually tested this. We had a professional makeup artist put a full beard on Dave Barry, and he and another party of four arrived at the same time. Dave tipped the headwaiter $50, and the other guy did nothing. Dave was seated within 20 minutes, and the other guy had to wait three hours.
We ran this as a giant expose. A cover story.
Arlington, Va.:
Gene, we sure could use some laughs today, so please carry on. I have a question for you today regarding the ongoing issue of when someone's unfortunate event is fair game for another's laughter. The other day my husband, after turning out the light, lay down in bed, only to discover the cat had thrown up right in the middle of his side. Of course I laughed hysterically at his prediciment, and couldn't wait til the next morning to tell the kids, who also laughed. A few days later I was the victim, when in the dark I put my head down on a pillow covered with Cat Barf (yes, Fluffy has a hairball problem). After I was done cursing and shouting, husband sanctimoniously sniffed "Notice that I didn't laugh at YOU". Well, I wondered, why NOT?
Now, who's in the right here -- me for thinking this whole thing was funny, particualry part two, when what went around came around, or him, for being such a sensitve male?
Gene Weingarten: Him, obviously. He should have laughed at you.
New York, N.Y.:
Picking up from last week: Barbara Billingsley or June Lockhart?
Gene Weingarten: Barbara. Barbara Billingsley might be the sexiest septuagenarian in the history of the world. Part of it is that I was slayed by her steal-the-show jive-speaking role in Airplane! But mostly, she's just a looker.
Lee's Bunion, Va.:
Gene --
Ever get the urge to parody the "special" editions of the Magazine that come out so often?
E.G.: Write about the insects that live inside your furniture for the home decorating issue. Or, write about bizarre lingerie for the fashion issue.
Would the editors stomp on you, would they run the pieces as-is, or would they just shuffle the deadlines around and say "whoops, sorry, put the wrong one in there, Gene old buddy old pal."
Gene Weingarten: Ooooh, I like this idea. Keep your eyes peeled.
At Tropic, the ad department wanted to do a "swimming pools" issue, and I threatened to run a story about kids who died in drowning accidents. They never did the swimming pools issue.
Whyo, WY:
Am I the only one who thinks the person in charge of firing the nation's nuclear weapons ought to be able to pronounce the words?
Gene Weingarten: Yes, it's unnerving. It's as though Santa said, "Ho ho ho, Merry Chrismut!"
I.T.B.:
Gene, today is Dave Barry's son Rob's birthday, as was drilled into all Barry fans' heads back in the day. Do you have anything special planned?
Gene Weingarten: Yes, Rob turns 22 today. I saw this kid in diapers, playing with action figures. It is a really disturbing realization, mortality-wise.
Once, Rob and Molly, at the age of three, were parallel playing with Rob's action figures. And Rob was taking a Master of the Universe and Godzilla and smashing them together, going "Boom, Crash." And Molly was taking a Master of the Universe and Godzilla, and holding one next to the other, and having the Master of the Universe lecturing Godzilla: "You've been a very, very very bad boy."
Girls and boys. Forever different, at age three.
So. Hadley, Mass.:
The funds to build 1837 Hall at Mt. Holyoke College for women were given to the college by the Hoar sisters. They declined to have the student residence named after them.
Gene Weingarten: That's great!
A Washington Post Reader:
The WP Magazine special issue parody is a great idea. You should write a Sietsema-esque review of someplace like McDonald's or Hooters for the Dining Guide.
Gene Weingarten: Another true Tropic tale: We did an entire issue that was a parody of Tropic. At the last minute, Dave Barry and I decided we needed to parody some of our regular ads, so we did. We never told anyone.
The Executive Editor discovered this as the presses were running. She ordered the presses stopped. The bogus ads were removed. I got yelled at.
Greenbelt, Md.:
Washington State has a 310-pound tackle named Sam Lightbody.
Gene Weingarten: Thank you. These are all appreciated. Please understand I am only publishing the really good ones.
College Park, Md.:
When I draw the Venn diagram, the aptonym and anti-aptonym sets do not intersect.
Gene Weingarten: Chats require quick decisionmaking, and sometimes truth suffers. You are right. They are different species, but equally high on the evolutionary scale, in my opinion.
Alexandria, Va:
Quoth the guy who invented the plasma screen (Big and flat) TV: "I don't own one myself. I'm waiting for the prices to drop."
Gene Weingarten: Yes. Very cool. A few years ago I did a story about Tom Rapp, a Philadelphia lawyer who had been the lead singer/songwriter for Pearls Before Swine in the 1960s. I had all his albums. He didn't. He couldn't face paying $25 for one in a vintage record store. "I didn't get that much to MAKE it," he said.
Dulles, Va.:
Did you see Whose Line is it Anyway? last week? Florence Henderson was a guest, and Ryan Stiles and Colin Mockery both got a big fat smooch from her. What would you have given for that opportunity?
Oh, and here's another choice: Which of the four Golden Girls? Even though Blanche was the typecast hottie, Betty White would be my choice.
Gene Weingarten: Speaking of "Whose Line Is it Anyway," and the Sleazy Theater of the Mind, did you ever see the show where one of the guys is ad libbing double entendres that might occur at a health club, and he blurts out "Wow, did you see that 200-pound snatch?" and all the guys collapse on the floor laughing, including Drew Carey, and the last thing you hear before the station break is one of the guys saying, "Whoa, that'll never get on the air."
Small, Fla:
So, when they did that Dave Barry TV show with Harry Anderson, was one of the characters supposed to be you?
Gene Weingarten: No. I'm not even sure Harry Anderson was really supposed to be Dave.
Look, NC:
Gene, last week you said that human genitalia were hilarious-looking. Do you buy porn magazines for the jokes, or were you trying to redefine the term "locker-room humor?"
Gene Weingarten: This is an excellent point! Porn is an exercise in humor.
Gene Weingarten: Also, Look, N.C. is a very funny place name.
New York, NY:
Who gets the prize for funniest game show host? Trebek for his dead-pan? Philbin for his Philbin? Bob Barker for his lasciviousness?
Gene Weingarten: Oh, I think Trebek is a complete riot. I talked to him once. A man without a discernible sense of humor.
Years ago, in a style Invitational entry, someone proposed coining the verb "to Trebek," meaning to pretentiously insist on pronouncing foreign words with their foreign pronunciations, even where totally inappropriate.
Sterling, Va.:
"Hoar" is pronounced "who-are", right? What's so funny about that?
Gene Weingarten: No, it is not. Meredith Hoar was once filling out a form where she was asked to phonetically spell her surname, and she gamely wrote "Whore."
Funny place name:
I liked Whyo, WY earlier in the chat better than Look, NC. Too obvious, Gene?
Gene Weingarten: Yes, maybe better. I actually don't notice a lot of them.
Whose line:
The original British version, on the Comedy channel, is much funnier than the American one.
Gene Weingarten: No question. Though Colin Mochrie and Ryan Styles, as a team, are terrific.
Capitol Hill, Washington, D.C.:
So I need a humor consultation; is this joke funny?
"Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead."
I find this uproarious.
Gene Weingarten: Oh, yes. That is funny.
Gene Weingarten: The clock informs me I must go. Thank you all. We are getting hundreds of questions now, so I apologize for all the good ones I didn't get to. You know who you are.
Bye. Next week.
washingtonpost.com:
That wraps up today's show. Thanks to everyone who joined the
discussion.
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