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From Kindergarten to
College
High School:
The Balancing Act
With Mark Kuranz
President, American School Counselors Association
Thursday, Aug. 23, 2001; 1 p.m. EDT
Homework for five or more classes, soccer practice, band, debate team, drama club, track, yearbook committee, volunteering at a local shelter and a part-time job at the mall. Is your teen doing too much?
Mark Kuranz, of the American School Counselors Association, was online Thursday, Aug. 23 at 1 p.m. EDT to take your questions and comments about striking a balance between homework, extracurricular activities and part-time jobs.
The transcript follows.
Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control
over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.
Washington, D.C.:
What can schools and parents do to make sure students are getting an even range of knowledge, exercise, other activities? Should the school day be shorter? Should school be year round?
Mark Kuranz: Parents are key in helping their children get a balanced range of knowledge, exercise, and other activities. Parents must commit to being involved with their children's education even when they "hear" from their children they don't want them to be involved.
Parents can help their children set goals for academic success. Parents and their children need to meet with the school counselor to assess what are the possibilities for the future, and then ensure their children enroll in the apporpriate course work to meet those goals. It is easier to complete academic work if the student knows how it fits into the bigger picture or goal.
Part of any school experience is connecting the students to school activities. Don't think of sports, music, and student council as the only school activities. There are many opportunties in drama, technology, computer clubs, math and science competitions. Parents need to help students make the connections and support their decisions by making it a priority in the family schedule. Sometimes student activities come first, but never at the expense of academic success. Another important way to connect is by volunteering in the school or community. It is a wonderful way to explore career options, learn about personal strengths, interests, and to feel like one is making a difference by giving back to others.
Exercise is important in student's lives. If students cannot participate in sports, explore the options at the local YWCA, YMCA. boys or girls clubs, or the local community centers. Having a routine helps and scheduling in exercise is key, even if it is walking 3 to 4 times a week in the neighborhood. Diet is also important. Knowing what you eat impacts your performance is sometimes motivating when students are deciding what and where to eat.
The length of the school day and the school year is a debate that has many experts on both sides of the issue. What is important is for your child to make the most of their time in school. The student needs to foucus on the here and now and take advantage of the many opportunities that avail themselves.
Vienna, Va.:
Do you think that the pressure to succeed, be well-rounded and look attractive have increased in the past decade? I think that all these pressures would burn out a child since they would definitely burn out an adult. How do you explain to teens that it is ok to fall short and balance their academics and social life.
Mark Kuranz: The pressure on young people today is enormous. The media and entertainment worlds do a great job of selling the right look. It is imperative parents counter the medial by talking to their children about what is important. Parents must set limits, and walk the talk. Their behavior and examples are more powerful then their words. For example, set a budget for school clothes and let the student know they can't have everything and will need to set priorities and make some choices. Let the student make the decisions, and don't rescue them if they spend a $140 on shoes and then have to wear old jeans.
Many students feel they have to do everything and create a super resume. This attitude sometimes keeps students from trying new things because they don't want to fail or won't feel successful if they don't earn the "A". Allowing children to fail is sometimes the best lesson for students to learn, and most students can and do recover. Parents cannot judge themselves as "bad" if their student does fail. They need to let the natural consequences occur. Yes, parents need to be supportative in creating a new plan, setting a new goal, but let the student take the lead.
Letting children know you as a parent failed and did not alway succes at everything, especially the first time, helps children know they can recover from mistakes. If they see you as successful and understand that you struggled at times gives them a sense of reality - not everyone does everything well, but they still are successful.
Falls Church, Va.:
What's the most important thing to college admissions offices? Grades? SAT scores? Extracurricular activities?
Mark Kuranz: Most college admissions counselors look at the students core high school courses, class rank, SAT or ACT scores, and then extracurricular activities. It is important to understand colleges want students on their campuses who are good matches. They want their college sutdents to be successful and contribute to their college. They want students who will leave their college "better" than when they arrived.
Most admissions counselors look for students who are well rounded, who have contributed to their school community, who have made learning a priority. I don't believe a college wants just a student who has great grades and did nothing else in their high school career. Sometimes colleges are looking to match specific students to activities on campus i.e. sports, music, but the vast majority of students are accepted because they have demonstrated they can be academically successful and will contribute to the college environment.
Southern Maryland::
Where were you people 35 years ago when I was in high school? The only use for counselors in those days was for the problem kids or discipline problems. It never occurred to me that the guidance counselors could get me into college. Although I was in the top 20 percent of my class it never dawned on me that I could get to college. My mother always threatened me with "Don't get mixed up with the counselors." Now I learn they could direct me to financial aid, submission letters, what classes to take to fill credit requirements and so on. Talk about a wasted life -- you mean I could have gone to college?
Mark Kuranz: Yes, school counselors have changed in the last 35 years. But it is still important that school counselors ensure every student in school understands and knows how a school counselor can help student. School counselors must get the word out about their program. They cannot not just allow students to come to them. They need to reach out to every students and ensure all students benefit from the school counselor's expetise and knowledge.
Silver Spring, Md.:
Could you please comment on today's litigious society. Contrary to the pressures you pointed out in response to a previous poster, what about those parents who always think it just can't be their precious little angel's fault that he's in trouble, or has bad grades, or is disruptive in class...
Seems parents these days are always ready to threaten, complain or even sue if their kid is a discipline problem and gets punished and/or gets a bad grade...
Mark Kuranz: Yes, their is the attitude that if I don't like the end result or that you "wronged" me I can sue.
I belive all parents love their children and want what is best for them. Butsometimes a parents pride, lack of understanding or just an unwillingness to see another point of view gets in the way of good judgement. Communicaiton is a key, parents must be included in develolping plans for student improvement. Very clear guidelines/expectations of responsibilities must be defined, positive and negative consequences must be defined and then followed. If parents know in advance the "road map" that is going to be followed, many times they are less likly to place blame. But one must always remember that there will always be someone who will not take responsibility for their actions or their child's actions and treaten. A good plan with an honest effort goes a long way in demonstrating to others your intent. Sometimes parets need to be allowed to follow through with their threats because I believe they would often not get the desired results or support from the community.
Fairfax, Va.:
To what extent are employers of teens monitored to ensure that they are complying with federal regulations?
A friend in high school worked about 45 hours a week as a fast food assistant manager at age 17, which put him home at around midnight every night. (Our bus picked us up at 6:40 a.m.) Meanwhile, on nights he wasn't working were the extracurricular activities required of kids who need full scholarships for college.
Only after we graduated did I learn that he was taking amphetamines during the week to stay awake for school and work, then smoking pot on weekends to get himself back down.
His parents were apathetic (making ends meet and keeping his dad out of jail were the primary concerns). If any adults at school suspected anything, no one tried to help him. (Our counselors were pretty worthless, for instance, neglecting to tell my brother's teachers that they would be having a deaf child in their classes. My mom didn't hear about IDEA until he was entering college. But that's another story completely.)
If the parents aren't there, who is watching out for these kids?
Mark Kuranz: This is story is not defendable. It is sad. It is parent's responsibility to look out for their children, but if they can't who can? I suggest their are many adults, school counselors inclulded, who make a difference for students. The resilent students often cite one caring adult made the difference for them, even the students who seem to have the odds stacked against them. One lesson to learn is you must keep trying to find a caring person who will make a difference, will support you and help you find the answers. You cannot not give up. Many schools have peer support programs that have demonstrated they can help students find the support they need to be successful in school. Also some students find the caring adult in the community in organizations like scouts, boys or girls clubs, or in their churches.
The situation about the employer is a story I do hear, but again it is important to know not all employers ignore the federal regulations. Again, it would have been important for at least one caring adult to have noticed your friend was in trouble. But that is easy to say because as you know, teenagers are very good a hiding their problems and putting on a "face" that everything is fine.
Arlington, Va.:
What's more important for my 11th grader? AP classes, school government, track team, debate club, study abroad...? He's busier than I am, and I work full-time.
Mark Kuranz: The question I would ask is what is the goal? Where does your child want to go to school? AP classes provide a solid foundation for a successful college experience. School government (student council) helps develop leadership skills. Being part of the track team can be enjoyable, provide a great release after a busy day, demonstrate commitment and teach the importance of being part of a team. Studying abroad is a great experience, but is it important now? These are a few the things to think about when deciding what to do because it may not be healthy to do it all. But again what is the future goal? Where does the 11th grader want to be in five, ten years? Which of those options will challenge him or her and at the same time provide some fun. Is it important to ensure balance in his or her life? What will be the worst thing that happens if he or she picks just one, i.e.the AP class?
Just a little comment::
Tell Southern Maryland s/he can still go to college -- it's never too late.
Mark Kuranz: It is never to late to learn, but maybe college is not possible. What other ways can one engage in learning and self-improvememt? Explore not just the four year university, but the community college, the one or two year diploma programs, or certification programs. But again what is the purpose of goal of going to college at this time in one's life?
Fairfax, Va.:
Students (college students?) are normally requested to evaluate the teachers at the end of the school year. Shouldn't high school students be requested to evaluate their counselors? I came to the U.S. and went straight to high school and did not know anything about SAT until the last minute my counselor told me that I should graduate. Despite my efforts, my counselor did not tell me anything about American school system or anything that I should have known. It set a very very bad experience for me and adversely affected my colllege education.
Mark Kuranz: Reading what you wrote it is impossible to defend this behavior. But what about the here and now. What steps can be taken to move forward and pursue and reach your current goals. Yes, it would have been helpful to know abut the requirements, but it didn't happen. It is important to adjust and set new goals.
Oakton, Va.:
I think a lot of kids in the northern Virginia area are pretty materialistic. I've noticed that many of them drive Acuras and BMWs. Teaching kids how to balance their schoolwork, activities and values shouldn't be supported by materialism. I think parents spoil their kids. What choices does a kid have except to be a good student? Everything else is secondary.
Mark Kuranz: It is important that students focus on school and it would be great if every student would make school their "job" and top priority. But the media does a great job at "selling" or marketing to students the things they need. Parents need lots of education and support in fighting this campaign. It is not easy, not always possible to "win", but parents must continue to teach the importance of education, model values that are balanced and hold their children accountable for their actions.
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