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Attacks on U.S. Soil
With John Weaver
American Red Cross
Wednesday, Sept. 12, 2001; 2 p.m. EDT
Tuesday morning, in a horrific unfolding of events, two planes hit and destroyed the twin towers of the World Trade Center, one plane crashed into the Pentagon and another in Somerset County, Pa. in apparent hijackings. Thousands are presumed dead or injured as emergency services and relief workers continue to make sense of the chaotic scenes.
John Weaver, grief counselor for the American Red Cross in Pennsylania, will be online Wendesday, Sept. 12 at 2 p.m. EDT, to answer questions about grief counseling to victims, surviors, relatives and emergency personnel. He will also answer questions about how the nation as a whole can handle the inevitable emotional trauma caused by Tuesday's events.
Submit your questions and comments before or during the discussion.
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washingtonpost.com:
Mr. Weaver should be with us momentarily.
washingtonpost.com:
Thank you for joining us today Mr. Weaver. Are you currently at any of the scenes involved in yesterday's tragedies... and, if so, what are you and other Red Cross volunteers doing to comfort victims, witnesses, relatives and EMT workers?
John Weaver: I am coordinating our efforts at the family assistance center in Seven Springs. Our staffs our ready to work with family members and survivors. They will be housed here and we will do what we can to comfort them. Working with United Airlines and the NTSB.
Arlington, Va.:
At what age do you think children can fully comprehend the tragedy that took place?
John Weaver: At about age 10 or 12. Up to then it's hard for kids to understand the finality of death and differentiate what happened from what they might see in movies or video games. By 10 or 12 they become much more aware of the seriousness of life.
Washington, D.C.:
What can we do as a nation to overcome the horrible emotional trauma from this tragedy?
John Weaver: Pull together -- as we are doing. Small things like giving blood and donating to relief agencies. Get back to the normal business of living to show terrorists this won't tear us away from what our country's about.
Washington, D.C.:
In spite of being in constant contact with friends and loved ones, I find it hard to shake this feeling of not really being safe and not having peace. Where in the world does one start to try to regain peace and rid oneself of that enveloping fear?
Thank you.
John Weaver: Take things a day at a time, as much as possible. Return to normal rituals -- spending time with family and friends. People who are extremely upset should turn the TV off, read a book or some other distraction. The harder it will be to shake the lasting images if they keep watching.
Washington, D.C.:
Hi,
I am a Muslim and certainly after these events some Americans will look at us with fear, disgust, and hatred. I feel crippled in fear from going out in public. How do I deal with the looks and verbal comments that I might have to deal with in public?
Thank You.
John Weaver: I fear that myself because I've seen problems with that in the past where people want to generalize. Just be yourself and let others know that you are American and as upset about terrorism as they are. And once folks know you're not the enemy, that should help. Unfortunately, we still have problems with racism in this country.
Sacramento, Calif.:
I was very discouraged that my two teen age children seemed almost cavalier to the scope of this tragedy. My 17-year-old daughter's biggest concern was that MTV was broadcasting the crisis versus the typical music videos. Perhaps this just seems like more of the same violence they have seen in movies and on TV. They don't seem capable of truly grasping the enormity of the situation.
John Weaver: Another comment I totally agree with. CHildren today are so desensitized to violence and they don't take it seriously. THey see it as problems for somoeone else, not for "me."
I urge parents to make time to sit down with kids and share their own feelings about how it upsets them. By the time they're 25, they'll know what their parents were going through. That's my hope.
West Bengal, Calcutta:
Will the people who have escaped death at the World Trade Center ever be normal again? How can the family members help them overcome a trauma of this magnitude?
John Weaver: I have a saying I like to tell people. "If people are always changed by events in their lives, but they need not be damaged." They will forever view the world differently, as we'll never forget what we saw on TV, but we need not be damaged. We need to go on and learn from it for the future.
Washington, D.C.:
I am at work today choking back tears while we all try to return to business as usual. It's difficult to concentrate. My routine seems so meaningless while so much suffering is going on. I feel guilty for crying when I'm not the one who lost friends and loved ones. I want to go home, but am afraid that it would look weak to my coworkers. How I wish to feel optimistic about our country rising above this, but mostly I just feel helpless and sad.
John Weaver: That's a totally normal and natural response. Most people are having private moments at work. ALl too soon it'll run its course and people will fall back into complacency as we enter a period of peace.
Silver Spring, Md.:
What should be the focus of any grief session?
John Weaver: Let me ask you a question. What type of audience are you talking about?
Reston, Va.:
Many churches around the country conducted prayer meetings last night, and will conduct them tonight and for the rest of the week. My church plans to offer grief support at its meeting tonight. What role do you believe churches should have in helping the nation come to grips with the tragedy and the inevitable emotions and questions that events like this tend to create?
John Weaver: The main thing that people who are doing counseling need to do is listen. There's nothing to say or do that will make people feel better, there are a lot of things that could make them feel worse or angry. So the trick is to listen.
For now it's a matter of sharing and seeing that others have the same feelings and we're all supporting one another through the crisis.
Reeling in Washington, D.C.:
Where can I find information about volunteering to help? I've already given blood, and donated food. I'd like to donate my time as well. Anything to contribute to the healing/clean up process.
Thanks!
John Weaver: In the immediate crisis there may not be anything because many of the organizations need to train volunteers. We generally would not start people in a mass casualty disaster. ANyone who wants to come out with these volunteer groups should contact the organizations and start to take the courses so next time you can be of help. We always need good people.
Rockville, Md.:
Could you please speak to how these events may be expected to effect those with preexisting mental conditions such as depression or dysthymia and how to go about addressing the issues raised for such individuals?
John Weaver: There's an ironic phenomena that sometimes people that are severely mentally ill -- sometimes this will draw them out of their illness, or change the nature of their illness, so their not so wrapped up in an inner world. So they need the same support as everyone else right now. That the world is a safe place to live. Keep to routines to get back to a better sense of safety and security.
Springfield, Va.:
I witnessed the plane crash into the Pentagon from my office window in Arlington. Today I feel terribly sad and keep replaying the plane crash in my head. Do you have any advice?
John Weaver: As I said earlier, it will be there. It may be a lifelong memory. It won't be as bad as today. Stop watching news coverage or video replays.
Rockville, Md.:
At the risk of being rude, what is your background and credentials?
John Weaver: I'm a social worker. I've been doing mental health work for the past 27 years or so. But about 1989 I became active with the Red Cross. I've written a book on natural disaster mental health intervention and chapters in other books about disasters of all sorts.
Prior air crash experience -- I worked on the Valujet air crash.
Silver Spring, Md.:
What should be the focus of any grief counseling session, with federal employees in close proximity to the crash at the Pentagon?
John Weaver: As we said to one of the earlier questions. The focus has to be on their experiences. They have to share what they saw, felt, heard. Their fears since then.
There's a process called debriefing -- for people who had intense reactions. Get them together and approach an organization like the Red Cross, and get a chance to process that with a group.
But even without a counselor, peer support is valuable. Share with your coworkers, neighbors, etc.
Portland, Ore.:
I am doing research for an EAP company and am wondering if you can provide numbers to grief support and mental health counseling in the Washington, D.C. area?
John Weaver: Not from where I am, but if you call the local Red Cross in D.C., I'm sure you can.
Arlington, Va.:
I feel lucky, but guilty at the same time. I was on the second floor in the third corridor and the plane hit the fourth corridor second floor at the Pentagon. I believe I am alive because I was in an area where there are firewalls. The people in the fifth corridor were not as lucky.
I keep going over what I did minutes before and why I happened to find myself in the third corridor versus the fourth or worse yet outside in the heliport area where a lot of our subcontractor trailers are located.
I am just really sad, yesterday I was in a state of shock. But today, I feel an overwhelmling amount of grief, relief, etc.
Thank you, just wanted to get this off my chest.
John Weaver: Again, that is very common. Survivors are often concerned with "why me" and "why them" and why do good people die for no reason. It makes us aware of how tenuous life is, that life can end.
John Weaver: To add: An event like this gives people an event to rethink their own lives. For instance, if you've thought about volunteering and haven't done it, this is a wake-up call. Or not spending enough time with their kids or wife. This is a change to make some of those positive changes so something good can come from something bad.
It's the same thing all our security agencies and airlines are doing to see if we can prevent problems in the future.
Alexandria, Va.:
I am a social worker, with experience/expertise in working in crisis/PTSD situations. I have worked with the Red Cross before, although it was a few years ago. Can I be of use anywhere?
John Weaver: Contact the local Red Cross. If you've had our disaster mental health course, there's a possiblity you can be of help. Anyone who hasn't: you have to take two courses. To be in our mental health division, one has to be a licensed mental health professional -- counselors, psychologists, etc... with a license.
Other people can volunteer for other functions.
And we're always looking for good people.
Washington, D.C.:
Is it healthy to shake the feelings right away or should we give ourselves time? Would a national day of mourning help us heal? I felt strange coming into work this morning without paying proper respect to the victims and their familes. Would such a day show a sign of weakness to the enemy?
John Weaver: I think there's going to be a need for many things like that. The closest parallel is the the Okla. City bombing. How long it took to get beyond that event. This is going take years. People shouldn't try to rush it.
Rockville, Md.:
In a debriefing situation, would you fall back to statistics to reinforce that the odds of being a victim of terrorism are still staggeringly small or not mention the statistics at all?
John Weaver: Generally, those kind of numbers aren't of any use. In a debriefing you need to let people talk. ANd point out that it's a matter of years before people may feel better about anything than they will anytime soon.
Whenever there's something with a criminal investigation in can take longer because of needing to find the culprit. Sometimes the healing doesn't even begin till trials have been held.
washingtonpost.com:
Mr. Weaver should be rejoining us shortly.
New York City, N.Y.:
I am a president of a small organization who witnessed the horrific and tragic events of 9/11. When we resume operations, I will need to address the employees. What recommendations do you have for such meeting?
John Weaver: I don't know how comfortable that person is sharing your own reactions, but it might be as good away as any. Then open the floor for the employees to talk it through.
Arlington, VA:
I live near the Pentagon and heard a lot that happened yesterday. I was nervous about falling asleep last night because I thought that I might have nightmares -- which I did. I'm sure they will continue. Is there anything I can do to work through them?
John Weaver: Just, again, share with others. If you waken in a nightmare, don't force yourself to go back to sleep. Try reading. Just accept that's gonna happen once in a while and not be a forever thing.
Washington, D.C.:
What are Red Cross grief counselors doing to help witnesses of these tragedies? Particularly in New York where so many people were affected.
John Weaver: What we do everywhere is call diffusing and debriefing. It allows people to share what they saw, heard and felt and what reactions they've had since then. The last person mentioned bad dreams. It gives people a chance to ventilate about those things and often getting it out is the first step to letting it go.
Virginia:
I find myself weaving between being sad/crying and extremely angry. I find myself saying things like "Just bomb the whole country" when I know that isn't how I would really feel -- like if that really happened, it would sadden me too. I am not a violent person, but I have so much anger, and I don't know where to put it.
John Weaver: SHaring it is going to help. It's not a matter of putting it somewhere, it's a matter of letting it out. I think the whole country feels that way.
Many people have that kind of feeling at times, including myslef.
Takoma Park, Md.:
I'm a Federal employee who's in my office building in downtown D.C. right now. Frankly, I'm scared. I don't think we should have been asked to come to work, putting our own lives at risk, to make a political point. Is there anything you can say to help me and my colleagues deal with the situation?
John Weaver: It's not just a political point. I can feel your pain and fear. My wife had the same reaction when I said I was going on the job. There's more to it than making a point -- but the sooner we get back to doing our jobs, the sooner the whole country will find a point of healing and resolution and putting this behind us. The longer you put off going back to work, the more fear of going back there will be.
Las Vegas, Nev.:
How do we deal with loved ones who believe that U.S. policy is just as responsible for the attacks as the terrorists, and that a military retaliation isn't the right response? I find myself almost in disbelief that a few of my friends have expressed this. How do we deal with this? I want to tell the "sympathizers" to get the hell out of my country -- but I don't say it aloud because I know it's hurtful and immature. My normal "fighting fairly" skills are not prepared for the intensity of emotions that these discussions provoke. Your thoughts?
John Weaver: Anyone who has feelings about national policy or who we backed... contact a Congressman. There's a process in democracy to deal with those concerns. If you really want to change something about our government, share it with your congresspeople who will be thinking about these issues a lot in coming months.
Congress people normally hear from only a few people on an issue. It might be good to hear from many.
Boston MA:
Need grief counseling phone #'s for Boston and Washington DC (already have ones for NY)
Thank you! these will really help our employees in these cities
John Weaver: Again, I don't have them where I'm at. If you contact your Red Cross in Boston, or wherever you are, you can get those numbers. A lot of that stuff is being shared on our Web site.
The other thing -- many times professional associations will have good information on their Web sites for folks.
Arlington, VA:
I work at DOD. I've noticed a coworker (a guy) who is often disruptive got very "excited" after the airplane crashes yesterday, I've been told that adults from dysfunctional, perhaps abusive homes get this way when some terrible incident occurs. It is is this was a cowboy and indian TV show. Have you noticed this? I am not criticizing him. Thanks for your time.
John Weaver: Everyone reacts differently to stress and you're probably correct that his upbringing shaped his response. Some people will laugh a nervous laugh, others will cry. This reaction doesn't surprise me at all. This is normal.
Lawrenceville, N.J.:
How do you console a family member whose loved one is missing?
I don't know what to say.
John Weaver: Best bet is to listen. DOn't say anything. Saying "it'll be okay," or "I know how you feel" can backfire. Right now that's not what a victim wants to hear. THey want to know people are there and care about them if you need them. Be there, be present, listen. The clergy refer to it as a ministry of presence. YOu don't need to do anything, just be there or have them know you're available.
Gaithersburg, Md.:
Is is appropriate for graduate students in counselor education to use this situation to discuss issues involved in grief counseling? How can this best be done?
John Weaver: Very appropriate because things like this don't happen all the time. I hope their talking about what they'd be donig if they were in this situation. Learning more about diffusing and debriefing. Many schools don't teach this.
Washington, D.C.:
Yesterday, after our tragedy, I spoke to my mother, a refugee who came to this country in 1952 after escaping the war in Russia and Germany and spending seven years in a relocation camp. Her first reaction was that this was always the "safest country in the world" and how could this happen. She then went into dialogue of what she had seen between 1937 and 1945 and the atrocities of that time, things she had never spoken of before. While our conversation was held long distance and in brief moments, I wonder why it took a tragedy of this magnitude to bring this out of her?
Also, it grieves me greatly so see my parents, [my father is a WWII veteran who fought nobly for our peace and freedom], have to witness this horror and their perception of having fought for democracy so severely beaten. How do I cope with this?
John Weaver: People, when they face something painful, will eventually bury it as if it's behind them. WW2, Korea... when you get a similar circumstance... it's very common. We in the Red Cross do a building explosion, you think you're going to talk about the current incident, but many times they talk about old memories from World War II.
John Weaver: If people want to read more about disaster mental health, visit my Web site.
It has tons of material to help people with sudden loss and grief that can be used.
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