It's Halloween and that means it's time for what's become our annual Cyber-Seance. We're getting in touch with those tinseltown favs who've gone on to the great beyond. Commune with the dearly -- or not so dearly -- departed through your medium madame, Rita Kempley. She will be online Wed., Oct. 31, at 2 p.m. EST, to help conjure up and touch the vibes of some long-gone film stars.

So grab your keyboards like they're ouija boards and start calling up your favorite stars who have gone to that big cineplex in the sky.

Submit your questions and comments before or during today's discussion.

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

Alfred Hitchcock, Deader Than You: Madam, I thought I might take this opportunity to offer some advice to this current generation of filmmakers and filmgoers.

First, a clarification: I didn't say actors are cattle. What I said was, actors should be treated like cattle.

Now, as for my advice to directors: 1. When an actor came to me and wanted to discuss his character, I’d say, 'It's in the script.' If he said, 'But what's my motivation?, ' I said, 'Your salary. 2. Always make the audience suffer as much as possible. 3. There is no terror in the “bang!” only in the anticipation of it.
4. The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder. 5. Try to tell a good story and develop a hefty plot. Themes emerge as you go along. 6. And please remember, drama is life with the dull bits left out.

Confidential to Gus Van Sant: Why?

And finally to parents who complain that after seeing “Psycho” their children are afraid to shower, may I suggest you have them dry-cleaned?

Rita Kempley: Dear Hitch: I've always though McDonalds should consider added an egg McGuffin to their breakfast menu. Just thought I'd pass that along.

Vincent Price, Crying Tears in Heaven: William Castle and I materialized for a screening of the remake of his “13 Ghosts” this past weekend. What are you people trying to do down there? Kill the poor man all over again? As if “The House on Haunted Hill” wasn’t bad enough! That one had both of us turning in our graves for weeks. Please, please, please leave bad enough alone and don’t remake “The Tingler.”

Rita Kempley: Dear Vince: Just think of it as a little taste of hell. I know I did.

Elsa Lanchester, Haunting in Hollywood: Charlie and I were having a discussion recently about whom could be considered the first couple of Hollywood Horror. Obviously we would disqualify ourselves from the running. Though we both had marvelous times making films like the “Bride of Frankenstein” and “The Old Dark House” respectively (good old Jimmy Whale), but our resumes may be a little thin overall on the spooky stuff. Maybe the Unusual Suspects can weigh in on who might qualify as the scariest husband and wife team in the business.

Rita Kempley: Dear Elsa: Billy Bob and Angelina. Hands down.

Babby Hayes: Rita,

So how come there ain't no more of them Western pictures? I just love to hear some good ole singin' cowboy yodeling while strummin' away on a gee-tar sittin' on ole Paint. Seems to this ole codger the country could do with a nice cowboy movie right abouts now.

-- Gabby

(And regards from Roy and Dale.)

(Oh, and Bullet, Trigger and Nellybelle, too.)

Rita Kempley: Dear Gabby: You know what I miss the most: Punching out them doggies.

Peter Cushing, The Big Death Star (Where Else?) In the Sky: After slaying Dracula in numerous Hammer classics during the ‘60s I consider myself a bit of an expert on the chap. Of course I loved my film foil Christopher Lee in the role (and am quite glad to see he will be continuing his villainy in the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy) but I’m curious as to your favorite portrayer of the Prince of Darkness, dear Rita. So who is it that makes your blood run hot: Lugosi, Lee, Langella, Oldman or someone else?

Rita Kempley: Dear Cushy: I'm going to have to go with Willen Dafoe in "Shadow of the Vampire." That boy sure can suck.

Chris Farley, Van down by the River: I really could have done more with my career. I apologize.

Rita Kempley: Chris: Maybe in the next life...
P.S. How's the diet coming?

River Phoenix: Dudes, if I had lived you’d all be speaking of me with the same reverence reserved for other great young actors like Keanu, Leo, and Ethan Hawke. I mean, Ethan, man, was, like, totally awesome in “Hamlet,” but you wanna REALLY hear some Shakespeare? “Alas, poor Yorick, I remember the dude well ...”

Rita Kempley: Hey Dude: So, like, are you sleeping or like dreaming?

Washinton, D.C.: So Sorry Rita:

But my colleagues and I have to say good-bye to you ... we have all decided that you are somewhat one-sided in who you respond to and find you to be a bit Snobish! And you're nothing but a regular Joe ... just like the rest of us ... My God ... you're just analyzing fantasy land ... not World Science or something of relevance. We think you and your sincerist fans are ridiculously taking the "fantasy life" (movies) too snobishly serious.

So, in closing we say fairwell and maybe one day we'll turn the page and find you to be more liberal and a geniunely a nice person and not such a one-sided Snob!

Rita Kempley: Aloha, Washinton.

Somewhere over the rainbow: If I ever get my hands on that Munchkin who kept pinching my a _ _ between takes, I'll load him down with Seconal and slap the bejesus out of him.
Judy

Rita Kempley: These days, that little squirt would be ousted for sexual harrassment. Hope you like it way up high.

Gene Siskel: Have you noticed there have been ZERO really good movies (except art films) the last two years? Best Pic to "Gladiator," come on.

Maybe Ebert will give them four stars for the likes of The Cell and Mulholland Drive, but the studios would never try to sneak that crap past me.

Rita Kempley: Gene: They don't even try sneak crap by anymore. They issue it with fanfare.

Edward R. Murrow ... spelling Guru: I do believe the word is "Snobbish" and the city is "Washington". Perhaps they were too upset to type correctly.

How many synonyms for "humorless" can the Usual Suspects come up with?

Rita Kempley: Edward: I do hope that smoking doesn't kill you in heaven. That would be so sweet. Thanks for cxs.

Las Vegas: Mom, is that you? Admit it, you did love Lorna better than me, didn't you? Didn't you?!

And while I've got you, where'd you hide Mickey's false teeth? He's got an insurance commercial to do and he slobbers when he doesn't have them in.

-Liza

Rita Kempley: Liza: Your relationship with your mother is enough of a burden. I wouldn't concern myself with Mickey's choppers.

NW, DC: It maybe that "Washington D.C." hasn't had a response to one of his or her posts included here before not because of any "Snob"-ishness from Rita, but simply because he or she can't put a coherent thought together to which to respond.

Rita Kempley: NW, DC: Yeah, take that Washinton.

Elizabeth, Montgomery: Don't worry, Rita, my crazy, but fun-loving, Aunt Clara just cast a curse on WashinTon so that every time he/she hears the word "buttercup", they'll have a sudden urge to go see a movie from an ex-SNL'er.

Thanks buttercup.

Rita Kempley: Elizabeth: So great to hear from you. Give Aunt Clara my best. Do you still do that cute thing with your nose? I know you probably get sick of people askng you that...

Poolesville, MD: Please Rita, be honest, how did you like me best? as Archbishop Oscar Romero or as Gomez Adams?

Raul

Rita Kempley: Raul: Gomez. I thought you had such great chemistry with Thing

Jimmy J.J. Walker: Hey Rita Baby. You Dyno-MITE! I ain't dead, but my career sure is.

Rita Kempley: Jimmy: You are still Dyno-Mighty fine as far as I'm concerned.

Marilyn Monroe, In The Kennedy Compound Somewhere Up Here: : Dearest Rita: A quick update and clarification. First of all, Bobby and I were never ... well, anyway, we're just good friends. Jack and I have always shared a special bond, and it's so much nicer now that his back doesn't hurt. But I wanted to tell everyone that I was NEVER a size 16, even if that "Happy Birthday" dress made me look a bit curvy.

And keeping in the spirit of the day, what's your all-time favorite scary Halloween movie?

Rita Kempley: Marilyn: NO matter what Jackie says, I don't think you looked fat in that dress. I'm extemely fond of "Night of the Living Dead."

Vivien Leigh, Tara: War, war, war! I am so sick of all this talk about war. Can't we all just get along and eat barbecue?

Rita Kempley: Viv: When it comes to war, frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. Barbecue, of course, is a very different matter.

Billy Bob's Great-Great Grandmother: No disrespect to Miss LIPS, but why would you break off with that nice, lovely , talented Laura Dern? Good thing I'm not around any longer. I'd cut you out of the will.

Rita Kempley: Dear Granny: Would you use a slingblade? Or would you just go to a lawyer?

Eva, Magda and Mamma Gabor: Dahling Rita. Ver are all the men?

Rita Kempley: Dahlings: ZsaZsa's closet?

Stanley Kubrick:: Mea culpa! Giving A.I. to Spielberg to film was a bigger mistake than casting Tom Cruise & Nicole Kidman as a married couple, I admit.

But the punishment is too cruel: having to sit through the whole movie with eyelids propped open -- talk about an eternity!

Rita Kempley: Stanley: Would you happen to know if the beings at the end of "A.I" were robots or aliens?

EraserheadGuy, D.C.: As we wait for the dearly departed to commune with our world, a few loose ends to tie up: Rita, did you get the E-mentos I dropped off last week? Hope we can award them soon. Also, thanks to the Suspect who tipped me off last time about the Smithsonian lecture on David Lynch. I enjoyed it immensely. The lecturer, while acknowledging “Eraserhead’s” importance opined that “it is not a movie you rush back to see a second time.” I certainly disagree with that statement. And speaking of E and Lynch, I’d like to send my annual cyberseance greetings to the late, great Jack Nance, star of “Eraserhead.” Mr. Nance, I happily learned at the Smithsonian lecture that David Lynch is readying E for release on DVD. With Madame Rita’s support, I have been doing my little bit to promote cinema’s greatest creation and your magnificent performance in it. I hope the film’s forthcoming wider availability makes you as happy as it does moi, and that in Heaven, everything is fine.

Rita Kempley: Yes, EraserheadGuy: I finally got the E-items, two of them anyway. They were X-rayed even. We'll have a contest to determine the winners of said souvenirs.

Clark Gable: Frankly Rita, I do give a damn (about you). Thanks for giving us oldtimers a forum.

Rita Kempley: Clark, You can bend over backwards any day.

Jack and Walter: We're quite the hit on this side of the River Styx as we were on your side, Rita. We crack them up every time with some schtick from "The Odd Couple."

Keep on laughing, Rita, dear.

Rita Kempley: Glad you still making with schtyx.

HAL: Would you happen to know if the beings at the end of "A.I" were robots or aliens? Neither Dave, they were a mistake.

Rita Kempley: HAL: I thought Dave pulled your plug?

Liberace: Yeah, Clark, a-n-y time.

Rita Kempley: On a piano

John Denver: You know, George Burns was totally mis-cast.

And this place ain't nothing like West Virginia.

Rita Kempley: John: But can you get Rocky Mountain High?

Kubrick: They were evolved mechas, but Spielberg made them look so much like his aliens from "Close Encounters ..." It's no wonder people were confused. I fear Steve is losing it. Now he's digitally changing the guns to walkie-talkie's, removing the penis-breath line, and making E.T.'s face all CGI for the aniiversary edition of the DVD.

Rita Kempley: No, not the penis-breath line?

Jessica Tandy, From the road: Hello Sweetie,
Where have all the good roles gone for older women? All this balatant sex and violence, heavens. The lack of humor and class is enough to keep me on the road forever, oh wait, I already am.

May you get all the chocolate this year.

Rita Kempley: Jessica: Since all the movies are aimed at eleven-year-old boys, a women of 13 is now considered to be over the hill in terms of sex appeal.

Sal Mineo, you're tearing me apart: Jimmy wants to know who would win an eating contest ... Marlon Brando or John Goodman?

Rita Kempley: Sal: I have to go with Marlon. It doesn't have so much to do with his consumption of fatty foods, but don't you just love a man with the cacones to wear a mumu?

John Belushi: Wait, did someone say "high"? Is Rocky Mountain High some new stuff I've been missing out on?

Rita Kempley: John: Yeah, it'll take your breath away.

Herndon, Va.: All of us "deadies" here in Hollywood spirit-land just want to let you know, Queen Rita, that we're saving a special place in "Pretentious Village" for "Washington, D.C." and when D.C. arrives, our greeting WON'T be "Aloha." P.S. Did you hear about the vegetarian vampire? That had to bury him with a steak through his heart!

Rita Kempley: Stop with the jokes already. I'm laughing so hard, my asthma's kicked up and I can't stop coffin.

The late Steve McQueen: Hi Rita-
I'm still waiting for someone to pass the torch off to in Hollywood today. Too many pretty boys, I guess. C'mon guys a scar or two won't kill you.

Still the coolest in shades,
Steve

Rita Kempley: Steve: Did you know Kevin Costner modeled himself on you? Russell Crowe does have that big fat bump above his nose.

Larry Olivier, National Theatre in the Sky: Hello there Rita and all my American chums...

Just to let you know God tells me (or Sir John Gielgud as we call him) that you better be good because Hell is watching a movie co-starring Adam Sandler, Chris Farley and Rob Schneider for all eternity. Bit of goss... I was speaking to Kevin Costner recently, lovely boy... sorry, silly me, he's very much alive. It's just his career that's dead!

Rita Kempley: Larry: Please tell me that nothing happened between you and Danny Kaye?

Donna Reed: Hi, Sweetie! How was work? Things are swell up here in Heaven. You want to know the best part of it? I don't have to make those -#$%-&! casseroles, anymore!

Wash your hands before dinner.

Donna

Rita Kempley: Donna: And you probably don't have to clean the kitchen in high heels. Miss yo, big time.

Tshiro Mifune: Jet Li! Chow Yun-Fat! HAH! It's on, you two. Anytime, anyplace.

Rita Kempley: Tshiro: You the man.

Ricky Ricardo, The BIG Conga Room in The Esky: Carumba! ¿Qué es el grande trata con Antonio Banderas? Sexy Latino esto, sexy Latino eso..." Valentino, Quinn, Valentino, Quinn.

And not once a comparison to me, the first Latino to both be welcomed into the corazons of the American peoples (and also the forst to be publically accepted to have esexual relations with a redhead.)

What about me? Eh?

And let me esplain you something... Where I come from, "Banderas" are what old men use to keep their pelotas from splashing into the water when they sit on the pot.

Brazos y besos,

Ricky

Rita Kempley: Ricky: No speaka espanga. You got some splaing to do.

Bowie: What?

Hell isn't watching Paulie Shore?

Rita Kempley: Good point.

Jimmy Stewart: A poem about my little dog.

Hello, little dog
Resting by my knee
I know you need to go outside
But I'm dead now, can't you see?

Rita Kempley: Jimmy: Thank you so much. I'll never forget the night you recited that poem about your doggie's death. It was on the Johnny Carson Show, as I recall. Cried like a baby.

Sir Synergy: My first Seance, My Queen. Well Done!!!

If you like Night of the Living Dead, I heartily recommend the 1962 B&W cult fave "Carnival of Souls" George Romero attributes that film as being the inspiration for NOTL.

Rita Kempley: Sir Synergy: Thanks for the recommendation.

Larry Olivier: Rita.. you saucy gal, the only thing between me and Danny is a love of proper diction!

Rita Kempley: I am so relieved.

Jack Nance, star of "Eraserhead": Rita, thanks for creating and maintaining a forum that provides a (mostly) sympathetic view of the film for which I am proudest and best remembered. Keep fighting the good fight, E-Guy.

--Jack
In Heaven, where everything is fine.

Rita Kempley: It's my pleasure, Jack.

Carole Lombard: In my time I was called the Profane Goddess. Is there anyone out there now that has that rare combination of beauty, grace, glamour, sense of humor, and garbage mouth?

Rita Kempley: Carole: Drew Barrymore?

John, Chris, Phil, Gilda, Chevy: Psst, Rita:

Hey, I'm whispering because that Chevy guy is standing nearby. Could someone please tell him that he can't come up here yet because he's not dead yet? Does he even know that he's not dead yet? What's that, Chevy? Oh, okay: "Chee-burger! Chee-burger! Franco is still dead, yes, I know!" Jeez, could someone come and get his guy! Aren't they making "Caddyshack III?"

Rita Kempley: Not to worry, Chevy has signed on "Driving Miss Daisy, 2"

Duane Jones, Resting in Pieces: Ms. Kempley, I wonder if you would be so kind as to allow me to use your forum here to offer my praises of the great man who gave me my break as an actor, Mr. George Romero. His decision to cast me as Ben in “Night of the Living Dead” was certainly a daring one in 1967. And because of it, I have become widely known as the first black actor cast in a lead film role not because of my race, but simply because I was the best actor who auditioned.

And while he is not considered one the greatest film directors of all time, I think George certainly proved that he could wring more scares out of a $114,000 than almost any of these fellows working today with their multi-million dollar budgets and digital special effects. And you must admit the “living dead” thing certainly was a great metaphor for what passes for American consumer culture!

Rita Kempley: Duane: Thanks for dropping in. Yes, re the metaphor, more so than ever.

Lee Marvin, bowels of hell: Hey Rita honey, I need you to work up a little magic for me. I have been kicking a _ _ down here for a long time by myself. I need some backup, dammit! Don't send down some long hair like Stevie Segal or a pretty boy like Van Damme. I need some HELP here. Old man Lucifer's got a bunch of nasty gremlins and they are creeping up my left flank. I got Bruce Lee over there but he's not enough! Gettin hot, baby! Gettin REAL HOT! Get me Bronson or Norris -- one of those real tough guys, what about Dick Roundtree or Jim Brown? Get me somebody and get em quick. Tough guys are fadin ... gremlins ... judo chop ... arghhghg!

Rita Kempley: Lee Marvin: Hang in there, buddy. I'm sure help is on the way. Maybe a little kaopectate in the meantime.

Miss Cleo: "Washinton" - you're still there, aren't you, baby? Call me for a free readin and I'll give you the real scoop on Rita!

Rita Kempley: Miss Cleo: Love your commercials.

Rocky: Message to Sly -- I'm dead, man, DEAD. Leave it already, all this talk of a Rocky 6 recently from Stallone. Please tell me it ain't so, Rita.

Rita Kempley: Rocky: Better start beating some beef.

Dick York & Dick Sargeant....: Rita,

In heaven, we are best friends ... We have also started a dead sitcom dad club -- Robert Young, Brian Keith, Robert Reed are all charter members.

The Two Darin Stephens.

Rita Kempley: Guys: I bet the uniform is a sweater vest.

Harry Houdini: So, my lovely Rita, do you think this is the year I should reach out from the great beyond to all those HH-seance clubs? Your seance is so much more fun and interesting, despite the claim by "Washinton" that you're "snobish." Maybe five or six minutes in the East River handcuffed would cure that attitude.

Rita Kempley: Harry: I couldn't be more honored. When it comes to accessories, handcuffs say so much more about a man than cufflinks.

Lionel, Ethel, and John: Our Drew is not profane. She's a Barrymore! Her choice of husband is profane, though, but that's another subject....

Rita Kempley: Oh, sorry.

Andy Kauffman, Up, Up in the Sky: Hello? Hello? Heeeeeerrre I come to save the day! Hey, Rita, wanna wrestle? No? Okay, mama. Please to tell mister Jim Carrey I say tenk you viddy much.

Rita Kempley: Will do.

H.G. Wells: On your behalf, my Queen, I will have Washington, D.C. transported to a time where creativity and a sense of fun are shunned, i.e., a place where he/she will be more comfortable.

Rita Kempley: Thanks, H.G. I'm so looking forward to your upcoming film. Sorry to see that "Time Machine" has been moved from December opening.

Herndon, Va.: Empress of ALL of Transylvania: It's me, darling, Bela (channeling through Steve). What has happened to horror movies? Too much blood, too much gore! Why can't they understate it, as in my movies, and just keep the accents heavy? Of course what did that get me -- a final role in "Plan 9 from Outer Space" for goulash's sake!

Rita Kempley: Bela, I did like "The Others," which is not exactly a horror movie, but it is a bit spooky. As for what happened, well maybe life has become so frightening that filmmakers figure they have to go to extremes to scare us anymore.

Betty Page: Rita, I can't believe the state of the women's movement today. Back in my time we'd just do a little jig, show some skin and the bucks would come in. Now these girls are gagging themselves, removing ribs, getting fake noses put on, and filling there boobs with goo. Girls are so stupid!

Rita Kempley: Betty: Don't forget sucking fat.

Ex-Seinfeld cast member new sitcoms: Nuff said.

Rita Kempley: Gotcha.

Somewhere, USA: From Makavelli, a.k.a. Tupac:

Yo mama, Can you picture my prophecy? My greatest regret is that that last movie with Belushi: homies still ridin me for that, even on the other side.

Rita Kempley: Yo, Tupac: You are still the man as far as I'm concerned.

Brian Jones, Rolling Stones Acres, Heaven: Rita,
Can you get a message to that Mick'ster? Tell the boy there's a special place for those who make it with girls young enough to be their great-grand-daughter ... and it ain't no cloud off which you want someone to get, if you get my drift.

Rita Kempley: Brian: This will also gladden the hearts of certain geezer craddle robbing actors.

Bing Crosby: Hey Bob Hope! What's keepin' ya? Git on up here. Let's make a "Road" pic. You, me, and "Dottie" Lamour. Oh, if you ever see those sons of mine, give em a good whack or three, won't ya?
Der Bingle

Rita Kempley: Bing: You know how to whistle don't you? Maybe that'd get his attention.

Washington, D.C.: Please let me know that Biggie and Aaliyah are peaceful.

Rita Kempley: I think that will have to wait till next year along with so many wonderful messages from the late, great that we didn't get to. Thanks to all the good spirits who joined in today's seance. I hope you'll join us again next year when we plan a special on make-up in the afterlife. Happy Halloween, Dear suspects.

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