Rita Kempley (Craig Cola/ washingtonpost.com)

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It's Friday afternoon and you can almost taste the popcorn. Whether you're planning to hit the theater or your local video store, Rita's here to help you wade through the sea of choices.

It's also your chance to be a movie critic. Share your picks and pans, and tell us how things would be different if you ran Hollywood. Who would you cast in your movies and why?

A transcript follows.

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

Miss Edie the Egg Lady: Well, hello dear. So good to be back with my (OUR) Queen. I've been away getting my groove back. Now if only I could get my figure back ...

Any buzz on the movie L.I.E.? It stars a young man from the soap opera I watch (Guiiding Light) and I'm most anxious to know if you've seen it yet. Quite controversial subject matter from what I hear.

Rita Kempley: Miss Edie: I was beginning to get worried. Mister Jimmy told us that you were at the shore, but when we didn't hear from you, I thought the worst. Mister Jimmy had locked you in the closet and run off with your mumus. Clearly I misjudged intended.
As for LIE, no I haven't seen it yet and so far, it's not on the schedule here yet. Zilch buzz.

Bethesda, Md.: I'm surprised that neither of the Post reviewers noted that the ladder fight scene from "Musketeer" is a direct rip-off of a fight scene from the classic martial art film "Once Upon a Time in China." In it, Jet Li's character fights "Iron Shirt" Jin on ladders in a warehouse, with the warehouse eventually going up in flames. From the snippet in the trailer, it looks like they copied everything down to the lighting and design of the warehouse.

Rita Kempley: Bethesda: Well, Megan Rosenfeld, who reviewed it for Style isn't a film critic, although she is backing up Tom Shales as a TV critic these days and used to do the same David Richards, the theater critic who preceded Lloyd Rose. So she knows from reviewing, but doesn't have a film background--much less expertise in the Hong Kong genre.
I haven't read Desson yet, so I can't comment. Actually when I saw the sene in the trailer, it made me think of silent movie comedies.

Mister Jimmy: Greetings my Queen,

Last Thursday, I grabbed the ol' wheelbarrow and wheeled the lovely Miss Edie over to Pentagon City for the 1 p.m. showing of "Rat Race." (Have you ever tried getting a wheelbarrow through those skinny metro turnstiles?)

Anyhow, to my chagrin, the theater was closed ... darker than the lighting in "The Others." We couldn't find a soul inside to ask what the problem was. Rita, Mister Jimmy is normally a jovial feller, but I was highly annoyed. I had to wheel poor Edie all the way out to Ballston for the 2:30 showing and my back is STILL hurting.

The Post's movie listings clearly stated that there indeed was a 1 p.m. show and another show was to start at 1:30. I understand that sometimes things happen, but not to even have a sign on the doors is absolutely unacceptable.

How do I register my complaint (and hopefully get a coupla free passes). The phone number just gives you theater times.

Rita Kempley: Mister Jimmy: I haven't the slightest idea why the theater was closed, but you're right. A sign was called for and you should get two freebies for your trouble. I would call Cineplex Odeon's local rep--unless Pentagon is owned by another chain--and complain about the situation. I might even demand they provide plus-size turnstiles.
I hope you found Rat Race was worth the trouble.

Washingtonian: Hey Rita, saw a movie the other night called Sidewalks of New York, an Edward Burns movie. Believe it or not, it is one of the few date movies this year and it is really well done. The audience was a mixed bag of people and they seemed to enjoy it all the way through. I believe it comes to D.C. on Sept. 28th. Any of the critics at the Post happen to see it this week?

Rita Kempley: Sidewalks is on the schedule for Sept. 21. I saw the movie a couple of weeks ago and liked it very much. It did remind of a Woody Allen movie as well as the couples recalling how they met in "When Harry Met Sally..."

Mt. Rainier, Md. (or Pluto?): I expect my film tastes to be a little off the norm -- okay, they're looking for 18 - 34 year old men and I'm NOT. But this year makes me feel like I come from a different planet. A couple art-house movies and some animal flicks ("Cats and Dogs", "Dr. Dolittle") were the only things to engage my interest looking through the listings. Spy Kids was mildly entertaining. Shrek was brief fun. And aside from the art house stuff, all I'm finding are "kids' movies." Where's something for a grown woman that is vulgar or plain boring?

Rita Kempley: Dear Pluto: At long last, somebody who's not from Mars or Venus. Something that will bore a grown woman? How about "Wet Hot American Summer?" It's both boring and vulgar, a tale of kooky camp counselors run amuck. If you liked "Cats & Dogs," perhaps you should see "Rat Race." It contains plenty of cow jokes (I found them somewhat offensive), but the bovine wins in the end. The movie does have it's boring segments.

For Edie and her eggs: For some buzz about L.I.E., check out http://www.rottentomatoes.com for early reviews -- so far, the trend is towards praise ...

Rita Kempley: Thanks for the poop.

Arlington, Va.: What's the strangest movie promotion item you've ever seen? Could you send me a few T-shirts and hats? And speaking of strange, will Anne Heche survive this insanity? Make it stop!

Rita Kempley: The stupidest was a yellow brick for "Oz 2." Can you imagine the cost of mailing every critic and entertainment writer in the USA, a brick. The strangest, however, has nothing to do with the movies. A friend at WRC-TV recieved what appeared to be a jar of lard from a p.r. company touting liposuction. It was human fat. Hard to top,no?

Reston, 20190: "When Harry Met Sally" does have the best orgasm scene in any movie, incl. pornos (or so I've been told, I've never seen one! No Ma'am! Not Me!) On other subjects, another theater chain just went belly up and headed for the bottom. Are there any that haven't files Chapter 11 yet?

Rita Kempley: Reston: Does this mean that you have never seen a simulated orgasm--Meg just fakes one--in the movies. Romances don't cut to the curtains lufting anymore. Or do you mean you simply have never seen anybody have one in real life--not even yourself? We cannot help unless we know the details. I can't help but notic your references to "belly up" and "headed for the bottom."

EraserheadGuy, D.C.: In the tributes to Ms. Kael, I was surprised to learn that among the performers La Pauline favored were Barbra Streisand and Bruce Willis. I have no opinion on the former’s acting (but strong distaste for her dingbat political persona), but I do like Bruce Willis. I haven’t seen the action movies for which he is most famous, but I have enjoyEd him in Pulp Fiction, 12 Monkeys, and Nobody’s Fool. What’s your opinion on Brooocie’s acting? (And Babs too while you’re at it?)

Rita Kempley: EraserheadGuy: Strange choices, I thought. As for Barbra, I have a hard time getting past her self-importance. Since she's directing herself, she really hasn't anybody to please but herself. That's kind of punk. And those lingering leg pans and fingernail close-ups. Good grief. Willis was also good in "Sixth Sense." But I don't think he has much range. It seems to me that he's more of a star than actor. He has enough charisma to carry a movie in an action role and he has enough sense to play low-key Bruce when called for.

Re: L.I.E: It got a very positive review in the New Yorker this week. Seems like it's bleak but compelling.

Rita Kempley: Ooh, say no more, lest Miss Edie's egg start hatching .

Arlington, Va.: Rita, dear, it's Kim O'D here, just checking in to make sure you're eating your vegetables. Hope all is well. STop and see us sometime in the Webquarters.

Rita Kempley: Hi Kimmie-O: Are mashed potatoes okay? What's cooking? I know we're supposed to hook-up for a duet, so just pick a date. They won't tell me where Webquarters are located.

Florida: Happy Friday, my Queen! Here's the situation: I went to the movies last weekend to see "American Pie 2." (So-so.) About halfway through the movie, someone's cell phone starts ringing. This has happened almost every time I've been to the movies lately, and it's -really- starting to tick me off. How hard is it to put the phone on vibrate?! Thanks for letting me vent.

Rita Kempley: Hi Florida, I should think people would prefer vibration--all that talk of orgasms has infected my brain I fear. It wouldn't be hard I am sure, though I don't have a cell phone. I don't even answer the plain old phone at work or home. Anyway, many theaters are asked folks to vibrate or turn-off the things before the show. Maybe you should ask the managers of your favorite movie houses to do the same thing. I always enjoy a good vent.

Reston, 20190: I said "best orgasm scene in ANY MOVIE"

Although I must admit that my girlfriend has never reacted quite that strongly, (except to a piece of cheesecake once (secret recipe, I'm not sharing))

Hey. She was faking? You mean it wasn't what she had for lunch? "I'll have what she's having."

Rita Kempley: Reston: Well, I think I am relieved. I'm sure you have already thought of this, but cheesecake in bed might just cause your gf to go belly up, no what I mean. Kim any sex foods. I am, if you noticed, trying to be vulgar and boring simultaneously for the sake of the lady who cannot find a movie that does both for a grownh-up.

Stuck in the 'Burbs: Your Royal Highness -- I value your opinion, so perhaps you can help tell me whether I'm just becoming an old grump or not: as special effects have evolved in movies, I have developed an increased aversion to them. I find that they often detract from, rather than enhance, the movie, and so I often avoid seeing the big blockbuster action "spectaculars." For example, I was turned off by Gladiator, where even the birds flying overhead were obviously computer-generated. It was only on a repeat viewing recently that I was able to start appreciating the actors' work. Maybe it's because I'm an actor myself. Do you think the emphasis on acting and storytelling is too often overshadowed by the "let's use this effect because we can!" type of attitude? (Sorry for the length of this question.)

Rita Kempley: Dear Stuck: As you know, you cab be a grump and not like special effects at the same time. I can relate. Yes, special effects are overwhelming the story and the acting and frequently the razzmatazz blinds us to the shortcomings of character, story and interpretation. And many of the effects aren't especially well done. Just wait till animated actors take over. That's the real horror story.

Kittylover: Oo, I know, I know what Kim will say!

MANGOES!!!!

Rita Kempley: Kittylover: Kim will be right over with a peck of fresh mangoes.

Your quest for sex foods: Mangos. Hands down. Bar none. yer pal, kod

Rita Kempley: Mangos, schmangos. I'm sticking with cheesecake.

Herndon, Va.: OUR REIGNING EMPRESS: Now that we've all recovered from our (and THE CINEMA'S) summer blahs, I trust you will grace us with your presence on a weekly basis. Does the "fall crop" of cinematic presentations offer any hope, or are we doomed to more disappointments?

Rita Kempley: Sir Steve: Long time, no hear. I do hope I'll be back weekly. I'm guessing that will be the case. Fall looks a lot better, but then it always does. "Training Day" with Denzel as a crooked cop is solid character thriller. "Sidewalks," as we mentioned is nice. "Spy Game," cold war political thriller with. Bobby-we're very close--with DeNiro and Brad Pitt. There's a little preview in Sunday Arts. However, the best news of all, if you are Angelina Jolie: four Billy Bob movies between now and December. Ooo dogggies.

Wiredog: Animated actors would be better than some of the un-animated ones in live action flicks these days. Seen "The Musketeer" yet?

Rita Kempley: Wiredog: I missed the "Muskeeter," but will try to catch up with it this week. I think it's telling that it stars a Calvin Klein fragance model and Rock Star has Marky Mark, who model Calvin undies. And that Marky's brother Donnie Wahlberg, is simultaneously a lead in "diamond Man."

Wiredog: There are companies (in Canada, IIRC) that sell cell phone jammers. Very handy to take into a theater (not that I would, since they are illegal, but ...)

Rita Kempley: Thanks Dog.

Arlington: According to LIE's website it's supposed to open here on Oct 5 at Visions and the giant new plex at Eisenhower Ave.

Rita Kempley: Thanks for the heads up.

Bruce Willis in Mercury Rising: Excellent flick -- Wiilis is a cop who has to protect an autistic boy who cracked a top-secret government code.

VERY good movie!

Rita Kempley: And thanks to you too.

Alexandria, Va.: Ms. Kempley-
Quick question, for you and all chatters -- This summer seems to have been a summer of flops. My husband and I decided that Shrek, Legally Blonde, and The Mummy Returns were the best movies of the summer. And we both agreed that the rental Bring It On was definitely better than most things that we saw in the theaters as well. Which movies do you think were the best of the summer?

Also, since I've been thwarted in finding a review of The Musketeer on this Web site so far, any judgments on this movie? Thanks!

Rita Kempley: Dear Alee: I am bemused by your affection for "The Mummy," which I would include in this summer of flops. I enjoyed "Bring It On," but I think there are worthier offerings out there just now. "The Closet," a charming farce by Francois Veber; "The Others," a ghost story with Nicole Kidman in top form: "The Score," a fairly solid caper; "The Deep End," an offbeat mystery with a terrific turn from Tilda Swinton." "Memento," the upsidedown mystery, is out on video.

Washington, D.C.: Hello Rita: Moulin Rouge was one of the best movies I've seen this year. Great casting. What are your guesses for the move's Academy Award nominations?

Rita Kempley: Hi Washington: Moulin Rouge was quite the opus even with its problems. I really haven't thought about nominations. If Kidman receives one it will be for "The Others," very elegant, Grace Kelly type performance. Of course, set direction, music, choreography, costumes etc. should pull in nominations.

The District: I'm sure the snobs in your discussion will jump all over me, but I kind of like the idea of "The Musketeer." If ever there was an old, tired, overdone adventure story that could use some Hong Kong imagination, this one is it. If only they'd gotten a real actor to play D'Artagnan, they'd be in great shape.

Rita Kempley: I'm a bit tired of "The Musketeer" as well as Hong Kong choreography. But if they had to remake the darned thing again...I still don't understand why they are called muskeeters and they never use their muskets. I mean they were part of the King's musketry troops. Maybe the next Dumas adaptation--coming in Oct. I think--will be better.

Charlottesville, Va.: With all this 're-imagining' going on these days, what film would you like to see given another go at by a hot director/imagineer? I'm thinking an updated Manchurian Candidate would be quite cool!

Rita Kempley: I'm not sure the orginal can be topped. I think some remakes are better than the first version, but only if the piece has become badly dated. On the other hand, re-imagined movies do expose more people to stories and themes they might have missed.

Arlington, Va.: Rita:

Why, oh why, did the Washington Post take away the "red, yellow, green" light graphic from the online movie reviews? Call me lazy, but I loved them as an indication for what the reviewer felt. Did most readers, or the writers, find them too misleading??

From an online junkie.

Rita Kempley: Arlington: You aren't the first to complain. I've heard from the wife of one of the designers that he's on the case. Anyhow, you got a chance to air your opinion.

Annandale: Last night my son and I watched Terminator II on DVD. Am I wrong in thinking that this is really a good movie? Great action; wonderful special effects; and Arnold is perfect as a robot.

What do you think?

Rita Kempley: Annandale: I agree, it was a lot of fun. I still love the first film better.

Rita Kempley: Nani where are you? Did you see "eraserhead"? Have you decided to give up on us all in the aftermath? We miss you. Bangor, helloo. I know there are only another of couple of weeks before the snow flies and the meese freeze, but drop us a line. Route 66, where are you? Laurie, what gives. We are feeling neglected? Please write.
Thanks to the rest of you all for joining in today? I'm headed downstairs for some beefcake.

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