Rita Kempley (Craig Cola/ washingtonpost.com)

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It's Friday afternoon and you can almost taste the popcorn. Whether you're planning to hit the theater or your local video store, Rita's here to help you wade through the sea of choices.

It's also your chance to be a movie critic. Share your picks and pans, and tell us how things would be different if you ran Hollywood. Who would you cast in your movies and why?

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

EraserheadGuy, D.C.: Rita, all these missed chats lately -- level with me, is there someone elsE? Go ahead, I can handle the truth......-sniff-.

Rita Kempley: Dear EraserheadGuy: I just missed last week. I'm sorry I had a pinched nerve and couldn't type at the same supersonic rates to which you all have become accustomed. There is no onE ElsE.

Washingtonian: Rita, since you did not review Pearl Harbor (Stephen Hunter did), I was curious if you saw it and what your thoughts were. I saw it at the Wednesday night screening and really enjoyed it, despite what I have read through a lot of publications, and it appears Stephen Hunter did as well. Also, I saw The Fast and The Furious last night and what a huge disappointment. The first 20 minutes are promising, but outside of that, it was not good at all! What's the buzz on Moulin Rouge? I have heard mixed things about it.

Rita Kempley: Dear Washingtonian: I wasn't crazy about it. I felt like it was the attack on Pearl Harbor for the Lifetime Channel--I don't know if Steve used the line, but if he did I gave him to it and Banana Republican friend gave it to me. Now if you like a good love story, I can see that this might work for you. But if it's a war movie, there's less of a pay off. The Pearl Habor footage is spectacular and moving. That should have been the climax of the movie, but then the directors continue with the raid on Japan. Plus, I knew exactly what would happen and when it would happen in terms of plot. And I didn't think the characters were extremely well developed, but other than that I thought it was swell.

Washington, DC: Is pearl harbor really THAT bad?

HUnter liked it which, when it comes to summer blockbuster fare, always a bad sign. I seem to remember great reviews for hte Patriot and MI-2.

Level with me Rtia...

Rita Kempley: Washington: Bloat and bilge may be too harsh. Howeverm you get the feeling that huge chunks were cut from various subplots, like the one involving Cuba Gooding Jr., who plays the first African-American awarded a medal--I forget what kind, but I know you guys will fill me in--. He plays a cook who takes over a gun and starts shooting even as the Arizona is going down.

Ballston Boy: Hi Rita- Just a correction to several of last week's postings: Michael Bay did not direct "Con Air". That dubious distinction goes to Simon West, who also bestowed "The General's Daughter" on a grateful world.

Rita Kempley: Ballston Boy: Thank you for the cx. God, I hated "The General's Daughter." Now there's a movie that should never have been mad.

Not Quite, here: Hi Queen Rita. Just thought I'd let you know that I got roped into seeing Shrek last night. Have never paid for a cartoon flic, but I thought it was so cute! So happy the princess ended like she did (trying not to spoil here). I the messages were good if hokey. But... what with Eddie Murphy in the donkey role. Is it me or is it always the black guy who plays the fool?

Rita Kempley: Hi Not Quite: No, it's not you. Although I do have to point out that Eddie Murphy decided to take on the part. I think that's a little better than Whoopi Goldberg playing one of the evil wolves in "Lion King." Fat people also tend to end up being the funny ones, then there are the dumb blonds and so on.

Baltimore, MD: I know you have no control over the process, but can someone at the Post please put a moratorium on Stephen Hunter reviewing war movies. I know he likes his guns and 'splosions and all, but how can every other critic on the face of the Earth see that this is the biggest piece of junk of this year (or likely any other) but somehow he thinks it's close to perfect?

It's not just a matter of taste. There have to be the occasional objective just-plain-bad movies and Bruckheimer/Bay works fall into that category.

How nice that thousands of American soldiers tragically lost their lives so that Disney can increase its profitibility.

Rita Kempley: Dear Baltimore: Alas, we no longer have control over what we review, but that was taken away from us about two years ago. I have asked to write more boy movies and there has been some progress in that area. Apparently the editors don't want to hear what I have to say about war, not any more anyway. I thought I did a helluva job on the many I wrote in the past. Hey and I used to be a pilot--weekenders only. I have never shot anybody or anything, but I do know a good 'splosion when I see one. If you are really concerned about the issue, please write to the assistant managing editor of the Style Section. Maybe that will have some impact. P.S. In the Japanese version, they win WWII.

EraserheadGuy, D.C.: Rita, patron saint of eraserheadguys, I am all relieved by your explanation and should have known better than to doubt your loyalty. My bad. In my joy, I am overcome by a brief burst of crEativity:

Steve Buscemi Haiku

Bulging eyes, snagged teeth
Face of one thousand cult films
“You’re Mr. Pink!”

Rita Kempley: EraserheadGuy: I am overcome by your burst. Thank you.

Devoted Servant to our Beloved Queen: Your Majesty-- I just wanted to take a moment to wish you a happy long weekend! I'm sorry that you were in pain last week and had to miss the chat, but better last week than this-- how could I enjoy my long weekend without hearing my queen's words of wisdom beforehand?

Rita Kempley: Dear Devoted Servat. Thank you and a happy long weekend to you and the rest of the Unusual Supsects. Either my never is no longer pinched or it has ceased to work altogether.

Herndon, Va.: OUR RETURNING QUEEN: (producer, this may be in two parts) For those who don't want to discuss "Pearl Harbor," let me submit a list of the Top 5 Westerns (after seeing "The Searchers" on AMC -- again)

1. "The Searchers"
2. "Stagecoach"
3. "Unforgiven"
4. "Shane"
5. "Red River"

I hated to leave out "She Wore a Yellow Ribbon" and "Fort Apache," but can't put in all of John Ford's. Also, for cable watchers, TCM is showing "The Essentials" on Sundays at 6 p.m.

Rita Kempley: Dear Steve: You are the king of the couch 'taters. We are going to have to start giving out some tickets. Don't worry IO'll babysit for all the younguns (P.S. I almost through my baby cousin in the river when she peed on me. I was about three at the time.) Good choices. On to part two.

Herndon, Va.: Second part:

The last two weeks have had "Dr. Strangelove" and "White Heat." My Queen, perhaps we could do a co-thesis on how Cagney/Eastwood take the gangster/cowboy hero/anti-hero to his logical end -- a psychopath. Where do you go after that? Happy M Day. Steve

Rita Kempley: You write the first half and Eraserhead can do the second and whoever draws the short straw...

Mt. Rainier: I suppose it wouldn't do any good to point out to the editor that stories that work against stereotype (girl/war flic, boy/love story) tend to be more intriguing. Steve on war flics is not exactly pushing envelopes. Sorry about the pinched nerve - just hope it wasn't your LAST one!

Rita Kempley: Mt. Rainier: I don't suppose it would.

Reston, VA: Hey Rita,

Give us the skinny on Moulin Rouge, please.

Rita Kempley: Hey Reston: I've got to admit I thought it was a hoot. A mess, but quite a magnificent one. It's like Fellini got a terminal case of hiccups and went into the editing booth. It can be very tiresome, very shallow, but Nicole Kidman and Ewan MacGregor are rather sweet together and I didn't mind that they don't have strong voices. Think "La Boheme" meets "Cabaret" meets "MTV" meets "Cirque de Soleil." I might be in the minority on this one.

Fools and Villans: I think you were pretty quick to generalize- I believe that the evil fool in The Emperor's New Groove was a big white guy. The other fool was a little white guy. The wise hero was a fat guy and the evil woman was black but c'mon that had more to do with that wonderful voice dontchathink?

And those were hyenas, not wolves...

Rita Kempley: Fools And Villans: I'm not sure that the type of four legged critters had much to do with in. But I love those cxs keep them coming. Truly. Yeah, big fat white hero. But a little on the slow side wouldn't you say. Yes, I do think it has something to do with the wonderful voices. It's also true that the fool is often the wisest of the cast of characters. Woof

Fairfax, Va.: Re: Pearl Harbor, Stephen Hunter, you, and the disjunct 'tween reviewers and the public: Krauthammer's column this week revived the old joke from almost 30 years back when Pauline Kael said she didn't know anyone who voted for Nixon (in a Nixon landslide year). Given that you and nearly every other critic absolutely hated PH, and given that PH is -likely- to be a blockbuster, do you -ever- self-consciously reflect on the current gap between paying public and the critics' nomenklatura? Or is it just a case of "I'm right, the public has lousy taste, and sooner or later they'll have to admit it"?

Rita Kempley: Yeah. I'm write and you're wrong. Ha Ha Ha.

Moulin Rouge: "'La Boheme' meets 'Cabaret' meets 'MTV' meets 'Cirque de Soleil'"--sounds funky! Your description makes me want to see it.

Rita Kempley: Moulin Rouge: Campy for sure.

Bangor, Maine: Banzai my Queen:

But didn't you wince when the nurse sums up her experiences with the Josh guy by saying "and then all this happened?" 2300 plus dead... bummer!!!! C'mon... it's like Quinn from Daria in World War II. Maybe the whole thing is a secret time warp satire and World War II comic book in one. Just pondering here.

Rita Kempley: Banzai, Bangor: Missed you the week before last. One of my favorite moments is when the British officer tells the Rafe guy, "Hey, if all Americans can fly like you, those Germans are sushi."Or something along those lines.

Dex, San Francisco: Eraserhead Man haiku:

you did it wrong, see
five lines, seven lines, five lines
in heaven everything fine

Rita Kempley: Could somebody please do a sonnet? I mean I love the haiku, but don't you think it's wrong what with "Pearl Harbor" coming out and all. I know a c&w honoring Sergeant York.

Jim in Richmond: My Queen - actually, your Moulin Rouge comments square with the N.Y.C. critics last week - big, ambitious, fun and a mess. I can't wait. Enjoy the potentially soggy weekend.

Rita Kempley: Thank you, Jim. You too.

Cute Moniker: Just a sad note to let you know that I was suckered into seeing The Mummy Returns last weekend. I had even convinced myself that it might not be that bad, maybe just a nice, silly afternoon diversion. Oh the pain and misery! I have never before experienced overstimulation and boredom simultaneously. By the end, I was kind of hoping for the billion scorpions to attack me and put me out of my misery!

I'm thinking of Shrek this weekend to remind me that there are good light movies out there. Do you think that will remove the brain stench?

Rita Kempley: Cute Moniker: I though Shrek was delightful and I've got to admit I thought Eddie Murphy was hilarious. But if you've come down with Brain Stench...If you'll premit me a digression. My producer is mad at me because I called her Sugar Booger. I'm going to swith to brain stench.

Bangor, Maine: My Queen:

A friend of mine in Chicago is going to play a game when she sees it called the count the cliches ... and the anachronisms ... I mean it's OD when Bob Hope does it in his silly movies ... but here it just smacks of what? And no one smokes for chrissakes.

Rita Kempley: Bangor: That struck me, too. I didn't notice anybody sweating either.

Ugh!: Haiku: "An unrhymed verse form of Japanese origin having three lines containing usually 5, 7, and 5 syllables respectively." --Webster's Collegiate Dictionary. Dex, if you're going to correct someone, at least have the right answer.

Rita Kempley: Arigato (now all you folks who need to do a cx today can tell me I misspelled that. Goodness me.)

Not to nit-pick, but: Doesn't "You're Mr. Pink!" have only 4 syllables?

Rita Kempley: I'm begging to feel like Miss Jean Brodie.

College Park: A friend and I were just discussing the recent adaptation of Lolita. We both think the major failing of this movie, and the Kubrick version to a lesser extent, is the degree to which the filmmakers faithfully and realistically depict Humbert's narrative. One of the pleasures of the book is in trying to guess how much of Humbert's vision of Lolita is warped by his own fantasies- for example, some of her flowery dialogue seems to flow directly from his imagination. Which leads to my question- are there methods/techniques a director can use to indicate an unreliable narrator? I can only think of the Roshamon method of just showing different characters' perspectives.

Rita Kempley: Thank you, College Park. We will get back to you next week on this one. In the meantime, your comments will give everybody something to read while I tet to some more questions. I'll stay over since I know I owe you guys for last week.

Mt. Rainier: Gosh, I hope Fairfax is getting help for that condition. Were we talking about what's popular or what we think is good? Or is the momentary vox populi supposed to be incontrovertible? Gee, hon, go get some counseling. Or at least some Pepto Bismol.

Rita Kempley: Mt. Rainer: Tums might be better. I believe it is an anti-acid and a calcium supplement.

Bangor ME: Brain Stench ... great name for rock band.

Rita Kempley: Bangor: Yes, everybody out to the garage and plug in the guitars.

Mt. Rainier: Oh, BTW, Fairfax left out Jane Horwitz, Family Filmgoer. She found Pearl Harbor pretty dim too.

Rita Kempley: yeah

PH reviews : AND Desson. Fairfax is all wet. There is unanimity among the WP reviewers - a sure sign of a real clunker.

Rita Kempley: SEcond that.

Woodbridge, Va.: Three more great westerns: The Long Riders, The Outlaw Josey Wales & Lonesome Dove (even though it is a TV movie).

Rita Kempley: Woodbridge: Noted

London Callin': Yikes Rita - PH is out here next week and I've already paid my $10 for the ticket but now... at least tell me Buscemi's in it? Incidentally it's been bugging me for ages that you remind me of someone famous and talented. Bonnie Hunt!

Rita Kempley: London Callin:' Remember just count the cliches. If SB was in it, I didn't notice. I'm still trying to get over Jon Voight as FDR. Thanks, but I aspire to Bonnie Hunt.

Dex, San Francisco: OK, sorry Ugh, it's already Sunday in my brain. I suck.

Rita Kempley: You do not suck! Stop that this instance. My brain will stop working as soon as this chat is over. I begin to sound increasingly like Hal the Computer as the weekend progresses.

Sleepyhead: You spelled it right, Rita!! Didn't know you are familiar with Japanese!!

Rita Kempley: Sleepyhead. Thanks, I did have sushi for lunch.

Bangor, Maine: We could have a cliche counting contest ... most cliches wins free tickets to Freddy Got Fingered 2.

Rita Kempley: Next week. Everybody be prepared. There will be a quiz.

Nani,Tex.: My favorite western (sort of): Treasure of Sierra Madre. I love Walter Huston's little jig when they find gold. And by the way, does Angelica Huston have anything coming out?

Rita Kempley: Nani: And the stinkin badges speech always comes in handy when attempting to enter a top secret facility.

Ugh!: You don't suck, Dex. I'm a sugar booger for being such a brain stench on a holiday weekend. Cheers!

Rita Kempley: Ugh! Εh, I'm glad you are making up.

Fairfax: Rita -
In town for this nasty rainy weather, and do not want to stand in line for films.

With a Friend like Harry
Luzhin Defense
Shrek
Knight's Tale

Any/all of these good choices?
Thanks!

Rita Kempley: Fairfax: Don't forget Memento if it's still around. I hope people will catch up Luzhin. Turturro is brilliant

Pearl Harbor: For those who are counting critics' noses, the "Pearl Harbor" reviews collected at www.rottentomatoes.com are running more than 4-to-1 negative.

Rita Kempley: Thanks for the ratio.

E-Guy did it right: "You're" can be dragged out into two syllables. In some parts of the country, anyway.

Rita Kempley: I am sure he will be glad to know.

Film Grouch: Per Steve from Herndon, I can't believe people consider "The Unforgiven," a great movie, Western or otherwise. Rita, is that what you film critics call a "revisionist Western?" I call it a "politically correct Western." Harrumph.

Rita Kempley: Film Grouch: Yep that's criticspeak.

Re: College Park:
I think you just have to smart enough to distrust the narrator. The best example of this I can think of is Ulmer's "Detour", although recent pictures like "Affliction" and (in a sense) "Memento" have done the same thing. "Detour" is the ultimate 'it wasn't my fault' but uses vary little tricks, and I sure can't think of any that would work to provide such insight.

Rita Kempley: I don't think movie's should use narration. Well not as often as they do.

Washington, D.C.: Why would Pearl Harbor want to copy the love story from Titanic? Obviously, it was a huge hit, but if you are going to steal from a film, why not steal from a good one?

Rita Kempley: Washington: You answered your own question: The Mouse eats lots of cheese.

London Callin': Top 5 westerns and it doesn't include High Noon?

Rita Kempley: That's one of my all time favorites, along with Blazing Saddles.

Fairfax, Va.: Me again on critics and PH. Read what I said. I am well aware that Hunter aside there is a sea of critical unanimity that PH sucks big time, and it probably is. My point was not that a movie being popular is ipso facto 'good', just that critics and the reading public seem to be inhabiting different universes, which in the long term is Not A Good Thing. And my digestion is doing just fine today.

Rita Kempley: Fairfax: I don't think that it is necessarily our job to reflect popular opinion. Essentially, we're starting a dialog--a debate--a ruckus--and fully expect people, including our colleagues to disagree with us. That's often enlightening for me. I think the more questions we ask and the more opinions we offer, the better off we are as people and a people. Glad to hear about your digestive tract.

Dimbulb: "The mouse eats lots of cheese"? Please explain.

Rita Kempley: Dimbulb: Disney is called "The Mouse" or sometimes "the Mouse Factory" and the studio is know for being so cheap. And as one former Mouseketeer told me, they word you hard. "If you don't come to work on Saturday, don't bother coming in on Sunday" is the mantra.

EraserheadGuy, D.C.: Oops, lemme try again.

Queen Rita Haiku

The throne where she sits
It’s cushion faded; her angst
weighs more than her butt.

Rita Kempley: EraserheadGuy: I'm guessing you think I have a pretty big butt. All the better to employ the Butt-O-meter.

Takoma Park, Md.: Instead of Pearl Harbor, go rent In Harm's Way. John Wayne, Kirk Douglas, and Henry Fonda. I think directed by Otto Preminger. I usually don't like war movies but this one really kept me interested. I think it's 3 hours too!!

Rita Kempley: Takoma Park: Three hours! Make me a reservation.

Gen x in Brooklyn, N.Y.: Moulin Rouge was fantastic. A lot of hysteria, but the mishmash of irony and sincerity with topdrawer singing and acting is definitely really modern. People will understand this period in cultural history by watching something like this just as people study the 70s by watching seventies period pieces like Godfather and Mean Streets.

Rita Kempley: Gen x: Thanks for the input. I think MR has a lot in common with "Dancer In the Dark" and it also reminded me of "Absolute Beginner," though I haven't really figured the parallel out yet.

EraserheadGuy, D.C.: Oops, lemme try again.

Queen Rita Haiku

The throne where she sits
Its cushion has faded
Light weight, heavy angst

Rita Kempley: EraserheadGuy: The cushion has faded because I have had my big fat butt on it for too long.

Alternate Western top 5?: How about:

1.Stagecoach
2.The Searchers
3.The Naked Spur
4.Forty Guns
5.Pursued

Food for thought?

Rita Kempley: Did anybody mention "the Mag Seven"?

Bangor, Maine: Faifax:

But even the quasi amateur critics on sites like moviesrock.com think this thing is a turkey ... Ebert gave it 1/2 star ... that's like in Ishtar country.

Rita Kempley: Yeah and Ebert likes everything these days.

Ugh!: I vote that EraserheadGuy gets free movie tickets from the Post. Anyone who can compare someone's angst to her butt deserves it. Hysterical!

Rita Kempley: I'll see to it.

Re: High Noon:
I prefer the anti-High Noon "Rio Bravo". Nobody does it better than Hawks; and in this one nobody runs around town like a little boy asking for help to do his own job only to have his neck saved by his Quaker wife. High Noon has a few good moments but it is far from the best western.

Rita Kempley: Well, friends, that's the last addition to the Western list. Get ready for online wedding shows in June. I've got to go now, Prince Ed fears I will be electrocuted if I stay on any longer. Everybody have a swell weekend. Watch out for brain stench.

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