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Setting Career Goals
Hosted by Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.
clinical psychologist and worklife consultant
Thursday, Dec. 6, 2001; 11 a.m. ET
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist, in private practice in Bethesda, Maryland, who specializes in worklife and organizational consultation and psychotherapy. She provides individual consultation, leads worklife groups, and consults organizations on change management.
For the discussion, Lynn offers advice on setting career goals in this difficult job climate.
Disclaimer:
Lynn Friedman does not provide psychological or work-life advice to any
specific individual. Rather, the content is intended to be for informational
purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional psychological advice,
diagnosis, or treatment. If you have any concerns regarding a psychological
or worklife difficulty, seek professional evaluation. Do not disregard
professional advice or delay in seeking it because of anything that you have
read on this show.
The transcript follows below.
Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control
over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.
Herndon, Va.:
Lynn,
This is more of an offline question. I am sorry I could not find your direct email address on the web.
I am the VP of Programs for the Association for Women in Computing-DC
Chapter. The Association for Women in Computing (AWC) is a national
organization that encourages, promotes, and serves the interest of women in
computing.
The Washington, DC Chapter (AWC-DC) serves Washington, DC; Northern
Virginia; and suburban Maryland. Our chapter meets on the 4th Monday of the
month for an evening presentation. Meeting topics include technical
discussions, business practices, demos, career management, and workshops.
I am writing to you to invite you to speak to our association. I am hoping you can give us a presentation on the very same topic you will be discussing online, "setting career goals in this difficult job climate".
Our meetings last from 6:30 pm to 9pm. Please let me know if you will be available for our February 26 or March 25 meeting. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Ella Seygelman
email: Ella-S-excite.com
VP Programs- AWC-DC Chapter
web: www.AWCDC.org
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: Good morning. And, welcome to today's show. I am Lynn Friedman, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist/psychoanalyst who specializes in work-life and organizational development concerns. In my practice in Bethesda, I work with individuals in psychotherapy, psychoanalysis and work-life coaching. Also, I work with organizations -- to help them to create a healthy climate. Since September 11th, I've noticed significant changes in what I have been hearing in each of these contexts.
Specifically, here in Washington, I have noticed a few major shifts in what people are saying -- both within the office and as I consult to organizations. First, many people are reporting difficulty focusing. Some are reporting sleep difficulties, irritability and anxiety. Second, and I think very importantly, people are reporting a new search for meaning. That is, people are more actively asking themselves -- if I am not in a gratifying job, why not? What can I do about it? If not now when? Similarly, people are questioning their relationships. If I want to be partnered am I? If not, why not? How can a get partnered with that special person? If I am in a relationship is it gratifying? Does it make me feel special and alive? Or, am I sacrificing my own needs in an effort to make others comfortable? If the relationship isn't great, how can I extricate myself and pursue one that is? Do I want children? If so, how can I make it happen?
People are asking these questions with a greater sense of urgency, I believe because on September 11th, we all got the point, "you never know how long you have". So, what steps can we take now, today, to get our shows on the road. Already, we have received several great questions. So, let's get started.
To Herndon: I'd be glad to talk with you. I can be reached at (301) 656-9650. Thank you for your interest. It's always flattering to be invited to speak.
Bethesda, Md.:
In these tough times I find myself very willing to broaden my career goals. My skills span training, web design, technical writing. When I network, or even during interviews, I am always asked to name EXACTLY what I am looking for. I try to say something about using my skills and emphasize the variety and how some sets might go together. The bottom line is: I need a job. Can I entice potential employers to broaden their choices?
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: This is a great question. I will tell you exactly what they are asking for. They are asking if you do the exact job that they have --- and, also trying to ensure that you will support rather than threaten them. Here's the key. Learn as much as you possibly can about them and their needs PRIOR to the interview. Read their annual report. Read their web site. Seek out internal intelligence. Also, seek as much information as you can when you set-up the interview. Then, steer the interview in the direction of clearly articulating how what you have to offer will meet their needs.
Unable to seek that kind of inside information? Your best bet, start the interview view out by getting the interviewee to tell you about them and their organization. Best of luck to you.
Rockville, Maryland:
Since the economy has spiraled
downward over the past year, I feel like
my supervisors view this as green light to
treat me and some of my co-workers with
less respect and even rudely at times. I
am a Web Designer/Graphic Designer.
The designers that I’m working with are
becoming cut throat and backstabbing to
keep their jobs. It has become a
headache to go to work everyday. Do you
have any suggestions or advice on how to
handle difficult people at work? Or better
yet how to find a new career?
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: Do you want a new career? A new job? Or just some respect at your present job? I am struck by how many people raise the economy as a reason for settling for less. Don't do it. Proceed as if the economy was great. As for getting along with everyone in your current workplace. Treat everyone with respect. BUT, set appropriate limits particularly around the number of hours that you work. Do this in a polite and gracious way. Since that is hard to do when you are feeling angry and frustrated, let me recommend a great book, by Manual Smith, "When I say no I feel guilty".
Now for the business of networking for a new job. You have a great skill set. So, I have a couple of ideas for you. Pick out a few large organizations with great causes -- and, do a bit of volunteering. Make it known that you are available for hire. I have a lot more thoughts on this topic. So, if you want to know more, feel free to write to me at the message boards. Best of luck.
For Bethesda:
Here's my opinion: it sounds like Bethesda has a wide assortment of skills, and would be happy in any number of positions. However, saying "here's the types of things I can do" is very different than "I'm here to fill xx job." The reality of today's economy is that companies are looking to fill exact positions--two years ago they were hiring talent and then figuring out where to put them. That's just not the case anymore. So do your homework on the exact positions open, and figure out how you can work your skills and interests in those openings. That's what will get you hired in today's environment.
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: Great advice! I'm with you!
Washington DC:
Why is it so many buffoons ascend to positions of power and influence (and great pay), while much smarter and more capable people are often mired in middle management? I can't tell you how many times I've witnessed absolute morons get promoted, etc., while more qualified people have been passed over. The only thing these buffoons seem to have going for them is their ability to sling the barnyard fecal matter. Why does this seem to happen so often?
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: I'll tell you why. In order to get promoted, you have to please the person doing the promoting. You can't threaten them. You can't prove that they are "buffoons". You can't humilate them in public. You can't expose their ignorance and stupidity. In some way, you have to support them. Look a little more closely. That's what these "buffoons" are doing.
Somewhere, NJ:
I'm a recent college grad temping as a secretary. I know that I don't want to make a career out of this position but since I'm not sure what I want to do, I thought this would be a good way to get into the company. However, the position does not require a degree and now I'm worried that it may be hard to move up since this the only experience I have.
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: Good point. It's hard to move up in this way most of the time. Here's how you can move up and/or move out to a better position.
Decide what you would like to be doing. That is, identify your ideal set of responsibilities. Write your dream job description. Then, develop a networking strategy. Check out my article -- right here on the Post site on how to network and how to find a job without experience. It's hard to find something when you don't know what you are looking for -- kind of like going to the grocery store without a list, we've all done that (and, it isn't pretty). The key here is to focus. If you are in Northern Jersey, consider joining one of Barbara Sher's work-life groups in NYC. Best of luck to you. Feel free to write back at the message boards.
Washington DC:
How can I set career goals at a time like this? I graduated from college in June and I am still working as a secretary until I find a job in computer networking. I have no experience in computer networking. How can I land that federal job with no experience?
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: Hi. I wrote an article on this very topic right here on the Post site. You can find it under a special section for internships and new jobs. There is a useful article on networking there, too. Best of luck.
Washington, DC:
Should we have career goals? Is it OK if we don't or that our 'life goals' overshadow or make invisible 'career goals'?
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: I am not sure who put in charge. It seems to me that these are very intimate personal choices. However, since you asked, I will share my bias. In this day in this age, everyone should assume, despite the best laid plans, that there will (or can) come a time when you will have to support yourself. For those who opt to be stay-at-home parents, just make sure that you are prepared for plan B. That is, make sure that you are trained/prepared to support yourself in a life style to which you have become accustomed -- or that you truly no what it means to cut-back and you don't mind doing it. Just my bias.
22207:
I write fiction and I feel like I must have two careers -- my art and a job that pays the bills. It's hard to know how much energy I should put into my money job without taking away from my art. I make more money when I work in an office but being at a computer all day drains me. I could get trained for a less draining money job (such as being a reading specialist - something not involving too much computer work) but I want to spend the time developing my art ... any suggestions?
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: Reading specialist is a very demanding job. But, here's an idea. Check out Peter Bowerman's the Well fed writer. He'll tell you how to make money writing for an array of venues. Also, join various writing groups like the Washington Independent Writers (WIW). In this way, you can find out how others are successfully negotiating these issues.
Clifton, Va.:
I have been a stay at home mom for the last 5 years, but now have to return to the workforce due to family finances. I am very depressed about returning to work and know I will end up with a job I don't feel comfortable with. How do I get myself into a more positive frame of mind? All I can forsee is future drudgery and it is certainly inhibiting my job hunting zeal.
Reluctant VA jobseeker
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: This is a great question. It's great that you recognize that your feelings will effect your capacity to obtain and thrive at a great job. A first step is to make a list of all of the reasons why you don't want to go back to work. Make a long and detailed list. Don't leave anything out. Then take the reasons -- one-by-one and figure out how to address each of them. It will be very important for you to find a job that you love. In order to do this, I have two suggestions. First, get Barbara Sher's book, Wishcraft and follow her suggestions. Second, consider joining a weekly work-life group. Best of luck to you.
Atlanta:
Lynn,
I would appreciate your insights regarding two issues from my past experience working in my family's business that are troubling me as I plan my next career steps.
For background, I worked in a my family's business for the first 10+ years of my career. It is a large professional services firm with $250 milion in revenues. I left two years ago when I had a conflict with my manager (a seasoned professional 'outsider'). I had wanted to leave for many years but had become so habituated to the situation that I could not.
After a great 18 months working at a small consulting firm I have really started to come into my own. Given another year or two in that position I think I would have found my legs/voice. Unfortunately I was downsized and now face a job search for only the second time in my life.
As I start to figure-out what I want to do next, two areas keep weighing on me. First, my confidence is down. Although I had a great year and a half in the 'the real world' I'm discounting all my experiences at the family business: how much of my success was me versus my name. Second, I find myself hiding the fact that I was in a family business. Now I want to try to understand how I can turn this unique experience to my advantage.
Thanks in advance,
Jamie
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: You ask a great question, how can you turn this to your advantage because family businesses do carry special issues (some even say, "baggage") with them. Yet, you undoubtedly did real work and developed real skills. I'd encourage you to take several steps. First of all, do a bit of reading about the dynamics in family businesses. Check out the recent issues of Harvard Business Review and read what they have published on the topic. Why? So, that when you are discussing that experience, you can reflect on it in an intelligent, well-informed way. And, you can be sure to let the reader know that you are a thoughtful person, who reads and reflects not bad thing in any colleague for employee.
Second, you need to create a support group for yourself. Meet in a regular, structured way with people who are willing to support you in your career goals. Ideally, you might meet with people who are in the same boat and/or want to work on refining their career goals.
Third, there are some great self-help books out there. What Color is Your Parachute and several others. Best of luck to you. Feel free to write back to me at the message boards as your search evolves.
McLean, Virginia:
Recently I was described in a quarterly evaluation (both 2nd and 3rd quarter of which were given in October 2001) as a "passive aggressive". Do you think that this an appropriate topic to address in a checklist?
Do you think that this could be a case of "projection" on the manager with his lack of timely communication with the employee characterizing the "passive", and the "namecalling" characterizing the "aggression"?
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: I don't know. I am NOT in favor of using perjorative psychological labels and diagnoses in evaluations. For that matter, I don't even use them in my practice. Why? I don't think that they are useful and helpful.
That having been said, the use of this kind of language (i.e. passive aggressive) usually means that the person has made you angry. Assuming that you want to keep your job and/or to leave on good terms, I would advise you to find out what the boss meant? What exactly in behavioral terms are you doing that prompted him/her to label you in this way? This is truly important to find out. In that way, you can decide whether to address and, perhaps, change the behavior. To clarify what your boss meant in a respectful yet assertive way, I again recommend, Manual Smith's, When I say no I feel guilty. My guess: a quick read of that paperback could make all of the difference. Best of luck to you.
Washington, DC:
Hey good morning Lynn
Can your direct me to a book/course that will provide me with specific phrases for use in networking? I've been to several networking events and made many calls and when I consider how the went, I find I'm lacking soem of that 'social grease'. For instance, how to enter/exit a conversation, find areas of mutual interest, etc.
Thanks in advance, Jake
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: Not knowing your business, I am not sure. However, one of my favorites is Bob Burg's, Networking for Referral. Also, Thomas Stanley has written some helpful books on "Networking with the Affluent". Best of luck to you.
Columbia, Md.:
What if you are bored with your job and keep looking for
other jobs but find nothing out there that interests you? I
basically don't like working or commuting to work, but
I'm single and a homeowner and need to make a decent
living. I have a ton of interests (and skills) but can't seem
to find anything that's right for me out there. Help!
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: Get Barbara Sher's Wishcraft and do the exercises with a friend. This book will help you to make a plan as to how you can convert your interests into lucrative money-earning opportunities. Best of luck to you.
Mclean, Va:
I am trying to get back into the workforce after a long period of hibernation. I have reinstatement eligibility in the federal government as a GS-14, based on my prior service between 1987 and 1991.
Due to my condition (bi-polar illness), I have worked as a consultant during the past ten years (on and off, up and down). Now, I'm feeling much better, stronger, and looking to tackle the types of jobs and responsiblilities that I previously performed.
Do you have any advice for me about my job search and approach to dealing with my employment/medical history?
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: This is great news! Yes. I do have advice. Generate a list of the worse possible questions that someone may ask you. Then, generate a list of good, viable, reassuring answers. If you have trouble doing this -- seek the help of a career counselor. Also, seek out free career coaching from your former university and/or the feds if they offer it. Best of luck to you.
Washington D.C.:
Hi Lynn
I work in media and while I enjoy my work, it's exhausting. There is hardly any vacation and we're required to work around the clock if necessary. I'm thinking of a career switch but I don't know what to do, where my skills as a multimedia producer would be applicable. I just need to have more time to myself and it seems that the media industry won't allow me that.
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: It sounds like you need to do some career exploration. Read some self-help books, but also, consider doing a career workshop and/or finding a career coach. These activities should be geared toward helping you to create a plan.
Fairfax, Virginia:
I used to work in sales for International Telecommunications Companies before I moved to US and got pregnant, now my son is old enough and I would like to return to work.
How can I faced in front of an employer the fact that I have been the two past years without work experience? on these tough times, with many people in that area recently unemployed.
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: Assuming that you have a good skill set, this may be less of a problem than you imagine. The key here is to find out what the employer needs and to give concrete examples about how what you have done in the past demonstrates that you have the skills for the job. Also, you have been doing SOMETHING over the past two years. So, be sure to incorporate relevent volunteerism and community outreach into your resume. Best of luck to you and Congrats on being a relatively new Mom.
Arlington Va.:
Have you noticed that racial tensions have increased greatly since Sept. 11th? The jokes about foreigners are rampant and I've noticed a lot of anti foreign sentiment as far as workers are concerned. No one wants foreigners to work here which I think violates the very principles that this country is based on.
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: Yes. I have noticed it and, frankly, I find it terrifying. I realize that it is because we are all terrified of terrorists. But, I think that we all know that terrorists come from all races and all creeds.
I invite everyone to take an overt step to reach out and do something about this disturbing trend. Some people have taken some rather impressive steps to stem the tide. In California, after September 11th, the Head of the California Association that deals with independent schools -- in conjunction with the 3 Muslim schools -- brought together faculty from across the state to educate them about Islam. My thought: all workplaces need to take steps to educate and to find ways to embrace diversity. They can start by rewarding those employees who take steps in this direction and by developing a zero tolerance policy for racist acts.
Washington, DC:
Hi Dr. Friedman,
What advice would you give to someone who, while utterly dissatisfied in his current job (which is a 'great' job), cannot think of one single other job or career path that sounds remotely interesting for longer than about 5 minutes? I have an incredibly short attention span, and cannot fathom the idea of doing the same or similar tasks day after day for a sustained period of time (i.e., long enough to establish a career in a given field). The question is, how can I find professional fulfillment with such a disposition? By the way, when I say the same or similar tasks, I do not mean mindless or simple functions--my current job entails a significant amount of critical thinking and problem solving, and is stimulating intellectually, to a fair degree, it is just not very exciting.
Thanks in advance!
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.: If the person is in a truly great job -- finds it boring and meaningless and can't focus? My thought: Such a person isn't getting what s/he wants out of life. If this is the case, I would encourage him/her to seriously consider a psychoanalytically-informed career assessment. Such an assessment will focus on clarifying what is getting in the way of the person having a gratifying work and life experience. Also, this type of assessment will culminate in recommendations for changing and improving the situation. Life is short, noone should have to endure boredom, emptiness, depression or anxiety for too long.
Our time is up for today. I will be back in the New Year. However, I am glad to answer any additional questions on the message boards right here on Washingtonjobs.com
Have a Happy New Year and thanks for tuning in.
Lynn Friedman, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist and Career Coach
(301) 656-9650
http://www.drlynnfriedman.com
WashingtonJobs.com:
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