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Simplifying the Holidays
With Betsy Taylor
Executive Director, Center for a New American Dream
Wednesday, Nov. 28, 2001; Noon EST

If you're re-thinking the way you plan to celebrate the holidays this year, you're not alone. According to a national survey conducted by the Center for a New American Dream, 63 percent of Americans intend to make the holiday more meaningful than ever this year as a result of the Sept. 11 attacks.

But resisting the pull of holiday consumerism is never easy -- and the resulting work, shopping, debt and stress can create unhappy holidays for many families.

Submit your questions and comments before or during today's discussion.

Betsy Taylor, executive director of the Center for a New American Dream, will be online Wednesday, Nov. 28 at Noon EST to answer your questions and offer practical tips for having a holiday with "more joy and less stuff."

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

washingtonpost.com: Thanks for joining us today, Betsy. Can you tell us a little bit about what the Center for a New American Dream does?

Betsy Taylor: The Center supports Americans in resisting excess commercialism and in improving their quality of life. We share with thousands of people across the country tips on consuming wisely, simplifying, and in this case, celebrating the holidays less commercially. We also work with many organizations --local governments, churches, etc. -- to raise awareness about the effects of over-consumption on our environment.

Laurel, Md.: Could I take this outside of the Christmas season and talk about society as a whole?

Economists divide all of our income into two ways to use it -- spending on consumption and savings, which includes investment. America has long had a low savings rate; there was one quarter either this year or last when the savings rate was negative.

Seeing as we spend virtually every waking hour being bombarded by messages from the consumption industries to spend money, who in our society ought to be taking the lead to encourage savings?

Betsy Taylor: Great question. On the one hand, our economy is too dependent on consumer spending -- in some ways jobs are dependent on people over-spending. At the same time, consumers cannot do what's being asked of them. The savings rate is about 1 percent right now. People are carrying a tremendous amount of debt.

We really need leadership at all levels. We need our top political leaders to stop talking out of both sides of their mouth -- we're told to spend and we're told to save at the same time -- we get 3,000 commercial messages a day according to Business Week.

Individuals are going to have to take the lead and take control of their financial well-being and opt to spend less and save more. Ideally this message will also eventually come from our financial and political leadership.

Richmond, VA: Dear Betsy-
Thanks for having this chat, it's a topic I've been thinking about a lot this year. In general, I feel like a lot of my energy goes towards "things". Taking care of the stuff I have, getting new stuff, etc. I also have TOO MUCH. I don't have time to enjoy what I do have but it doesn't stop me from getting more. Are there common reasons for these feelings?

At the same time, I get a lot of enjoyment out of my personal possessions. My old family things, special gifts from friends, souveniers.

How do you get a balance between being overwhelmed by it all, especially at this time of year and having/acquiring meaningful things?

Thanks for your insight.

Betsy Taylor: This is a very typical refrain. We do often grasp and seek to acquire more and more -- and yet we feel less fufilled. We feel like we have too much clutter, too much stuff.

First -- stop and reflect on your true wants. Sit down and make a list of what things really make you feel a sense of joy. When you think about being really happy, what are the things that make you feel that way? It's likely most of the things on your list won't be material. They'll be time with people you love, with pets, singing, time in nature, making things with your hands...

Unless you're clear about your true wants, it is much easier to make choices in a commercial world that tells us we will be fufilled if you just buy something --whether it is a new diamond ring or a new dishwasher. Although, certainly, some material things can give lasting pleasure -- like a really great set of tools you can use to create.

The Center has a "More Fun. Less Stuff" kit that offers steps to help you make conscious decisions about consumption.

Washington DC: Thanks for taking my question. I plan to do something I've never done before. I am going to give charitible contributions in my family members names. I plan to tailor the contribution to causes I know will suit the personality of the family member. However, I am finding, that many organizations aren't equipped to send me a note card that I can hand out Christmas morning that says, "A contribution was made to "blank" in the amount of "blank" in your name by "me and spouse." What do you think is the appropriate way to handle this situation, without seeming tacky? (ie, just blurting out, oh, by the way, I gave money in your name). Thanks.

Betsy Taylor: I love this idea! I have two suggestions. First, the Center is hosting an alternative gift fair this Saturday in Takoma Park from 12 - 4 at the Takoma Park Presbyterian Church. We have about 30 charities from the DC area and internationally participating. If you come to the fair, you can do things like buy a goat for a family in Haiti or a solar cooker for a Kenyan family, or a month of care for a homeless person in DC -- and we have very beautiful gift cards that you can use to let people know about your contributions in their name.

Second, if you want an easy way from your computer -- go to www.altgifts.org. Alternative Gifts International is a wonderful group that will send you cards and will help you donate to charities, primarily in developing countries.

washingtonpost.com: Parents seem to be under a lot of pressure to put a lot of presents under the tree for their children. Do you have suggestions for alternative gifts that won't cause the younger generation to feel like they've missed out?

Betsy Taylor: The Center ran a contest on what kids really want that money can't buy. Many of the 2,000 children who submitted entries said they wanted more time with their parents.

So, one idea is a gift certificate that they can redeem with you for one whole day with you doing something really special, like going to a ball game, a park, camping, learning to bake a cake... depending on their interests.

Another idea is a homemade gift. A lot of times kids really want to have more time outside -- for younger kids you could make a sandbox or a rope swing, or beautiful blocks that are very colorful.

For an older child, you might do something like putting together a scrapbook of your family's heritage, or a book of favorite family family stories or recipes. Or gifts of experience with you-- you could give them a coupon book of tennis lessons with you...etc.

Also, think about making the holidays more than gift-giving. How can you make the holidays memorable and fun? At my home, we put on an annual play together --we take a fairy tale and twist it, and assign roles and put on the show. It's what my kids look forward to most.

Suffolk, VA: Betsy, my husband's stepfather's mother is gravely ill. We want to get him something meaningful this Christmas instead of the usual sweater or electronic gadget. Any suggestions?

Betsy Taylor: Think about what your husband's stepfather's real immediate needs and perhaps hopes are. We do know that when people are in need or suffering they are very much uplifted by a deep expression of love or just direct human contact. If you have kids, a lot of times the voices of children are particularly moving. You could put together a homemade calendar of photographs of the children doing different funny things, if the children are close to him.

You could make an audiotape with messages from family to remind him how much you love him. Each person in the family could say something that reminds him that he has a lot of support. Or, it could be less direct -- the ten reasons why we love you.

Maybe he's more uplifted by humor. You could put together a book with a month of things that make you laugh -- you'll have to work hard on this! -- but it could include pictures, jokes, family stories...

If he loves music, remind him of it by sending him some music. Whatever will lift his heart.

Arlington, VA: Betsy:

As a recycling specialist in local government, we just recently added information to our website about reducing waste during the holidays. We are also planning a segment on our cable TV station if it can be aired in time for the holidays. Could you recommend other, non-conventional methods to get the word out about this important issue? Thanks.

Chip Goyette

Betsy Taylor: Please send us your tips -- we will put them on our website! We get about 3 million hits a month. Send them to dave@newdream.org. We're thrilled to hear about this, and we'd love to know more.

It is our understanding that the week between Christmas and New Year's is the biggest trash-generation week of the year.

Washington, DC: I have a small budget, an even smaller apartment, and I genuinely don't want or need any gifts. Every year, I try to cut back on the number of gifts I exchange. As the gift-giving season begins, I explain to family and friends that gifts just aren't in my budget this year, I'm not trying to be insulting, and I don't expect anything from them, either. Usually, I bake favorite cookies instead. The problem is there's always a couple people (usually more well-off family and friends) who buy me gifts anyway and are then hurt because I didn't get them anything. How do I deal with this? They know up front that they won't be getting anything from me except a card and some baked goods, but they expect more. I don't feel gift-giving should be a quid pro quo exchange and that I shouldn't go into debt to show my affection for them.

Betsy Taylor: I sympathize. I think it takes courage to try to resist the pressure to buy gifts, especially if you are financially strapped. The important thing is to hold on to the deeper motive, which isto express love.

Please check out our website, newdream.org on how to give gifts without spending money. There are many options.

One of the things I did when faced with this problem was think about something very special that the family would love -- I decided everyone in the family would like to know about our past. I taped the oldest members of my family and other interesting characters and made multiple copies. It is a lasting treasure of family stories, and I had fun making it. It was moving, and cost very little to give tapes to family members.

Washington DC: Isn't it a bad idea to encourage people not to spend money this year? We're in a recession, and holiday spending will keep a lot of people employed.

Betsy Taylor: Good question. We just did a poll to ask people how to spend their holiday season. 63 percent planned to make this holiday more meaningful than ever as a result of September 11. Only 8 percent think we should use this season to stimulate the economy.

We are in a difficult conundrum. We're told to do patriotic spending to keep the economy humming, but there are great costs to doing this. On a personal level, our savings rate is at about 1 percent. Credit card and mortgage debt is at an all time high. It is hard to believe that more Americans declared bankruptcy last year than graduated from college.

If you are financially strapped, it is not heroic, or patriotic to add to financial fears to our other fears. I need to point out that when we spend and consume at such high levels, there's also an extraordinary cost to the environment. Every single product requires the use of energy, water and raw materials to make it, and every one has to be disposed of eventually, somehow.

But you make a good point - the economy is too dependent on consumer spending. But, there is no danger of everyone not going out and spending this year. In the long term, we need economists and political leaders to work with communities to rethink the basis of the economy -- it should not be based on financial burdens for people, environmental degredation, and a work to spend culture.

McLean, VA: Do you have any suggestions for relatives who don't listen to requests to give less, especialy to relatives who are children? Then one feels compelled to respond similarly to their children. And you can't just take away gifts given to children!

Betsy Taylor: This is difficult. I can't underestimate the importance of persistent communication. We had this issue in our own extended family. It took me about two or three years to prevail with some of my relatives, who insisted on showering our kids with too much stuff. Eventually, things changed.

Now our kids all draw the names of other children in the family and they just exchange one gift.

Step back and think about how to step back from fighting about gift-giving and move toward changing the holidays to focus more on traditions and togetherness. Say "Can we spend a couple of hours together the day before Christmas making gift-boxes for homeless children" -- or focus on having fun in some way -- a Hanukah party or a singing party that doesn't focus on presents.

Ultimately, you have to walk your own values. It takes courage and independence to say "We love you, we love your kids, but we're only going to give them one gift" and just stand by it. There's not an easy answer, it is different for each family -- but don't give up!

Falls Church: To keep the "stuff" levels under control, my family is starting to concentrate on either high quality food gifts or gift certificates for classes/restaurants/etc. for the adults.

For the kids, we concentrate on books. We also give toys and games that have a shelf life of more than one kid. Nothing too trendy.

Betsy Taylor: Great suggestions!

Washington, DC: Betsy,

Have you read Bill McKibben's book on the
$100 Christmas?

Betsy Taylor: Yes, we promote it! His ideas and many more are at our website. You can also download our Simplify the Holidays package for free from our website. There are plenty of ideas in there about homemade gifts, gifts of experience, gifts of time and gifts to charity, earth-friendly products, etc. (newdream.org)

Arlington, VA: I've worked in the environmental field for about 3 years now, on environmental purchasing issues mostly. One of the most outstanding themes is that people don't connect the things they do or buy with the affects they hve on the environment. How do we reinforce the idea that eveyrthing you do and and everything you purchase has an impact on our earth, even if it's just leasing one SUV or not recycling that old computer or buying one can of bug spray?

Betsy Taylor: Great question. The Center has two programs that help address this issue. One is called "Turn the Tide" and it is a program of nine consumer actions that focus on changing our choices to preserve resources (newdream.org/turnthetide). We also have a program working with local governments, corporations, and universities to help them buy products that are environmentally-friendly and that are made in humane and just conditions. We help them channel their money to the few corporations that supply outstanding products.

This is harder for individual consumers because there aren't a lot of these products out there. In the future we hope to list these products on our website.

We think if institutions lead the way, that will penetrate to the consumer market.

We need education and strong consumer demand to make these changes (we have another program that focuses on advocating for these changes, called Step by Step).

Rockville, MD: Re: charities in others names.

Don't assume you know which charity they would like you to give to. They may no longer be giving to one, and more to another, and you won't know unless you ask.

I also think it's tacky. Give in your own name. Make an ornament, bake something to give as a gift.

Betsy Taylor: This is a personal decision. The last thing anyone wants to do at the holidays is to offend someone! If you think giving to a charity might not please a relative or friend, then making something homemade is an excellent option.

It is increasingly clear, however, that there are many people at home and abroad who are in desperate straits, and many Americans want to help out. But again, gift-giving is a personal choice.

Washington, DC: I just took a look at your website - it has a lot of great information about a variety of issues. Why did you choose to spend so much time talking about the holidays?

Betsy Taylor: The holidays are a microcosm of what happens all through the rest of the year.

During the holidays, we want to have meaning, fufillment, and a sense of being really alive. But in reality, many of us work excessively, spend excessively and go into debt -- we pursue a more is better definition of the holidays just as we pursue the more is better definition of the American Dream.

One report says that if everyone in the world consumed like Americans, we'd need four more planets to support that consumption, right now. Our current American Dream is being exported across the world. It is not sustainable.

Talking about the holidays is a way to tell this larger story. The day after the holiday, we want to wake up renewed and content, and too often we wake up exhausted, saying "is that all there is?"

Changing the holidays is the first step toward changing the rest of your life!

washingtonpost.com: That's all the time we have today. Thanks to Betsy Taylor and to everyone who participated in today's discussion.

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