Tara Bray is a freelance education and travel writer based in New York City. "'Why Won't The Landlord Take Visa?': A Crash Course to Life After Graduation" is her first published book. This book is a collection of the practical lessons they don't teach you in college: how to live without the safety net of parents and the college environment. It covers everything from finding an apartment on your own to finding a job, eating, recreating, decorating and dressing without killing the budget, getting out of debt, and even surviving as an artist.

Bray shares the knowledge she learned as a post-grad, working various jobs in different parts of the country in the ten years following her college graduation, and offers anecdotes and advice from others who learned the same way.

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

washingtonpost.com: Welcome to our discussion with Tara Bray, author of "Why Won't the Landlord Take Visa?", a book on surviving life after graduating college.

Alexandria, VA: I graduated from college 5 years ago, and feel like I am reaching a crossroads in my life. I am not intellectually challenged in my job, so I take on more and more responsibility to try and stay interested and then get overwhelmed.

I feel like I am ready to start thinking about a major change: going back for my Ph.D in art history, follow my passion for art by getting an MFA, or starting my own non-profit or business.

My question is how do I decide what is the right thing to do. I am afraid of making the wrong decision, and don't have a lot of people who understand.

Thanks for your help.

Tara Bray: Among my friends in their late 20s, a lot of them--sounds like this might be where you're at--wake up a few years after college remembering that they once wanted to be an architect, or a stunt double or that they wanted to travel or be an investment banker or a lawyer or whatever. I think rather than looking at this as a moment where you might make the wrong decision, you might want to see it as your "golden opportunity" to think about what you really want to do. The toughest hurdle many post-grads face is the desire to have everything worked out as soon as they finish college--I think this makes them make decisions that are based on fear rather than thinking about what they really want to do. For example: the fear of moving back home, fear of not keeping up with one’s peers, fear of jumping off the ladder, fear of making mistakes, fear of not being able to pay back the student loans or the credit card bill keeps a lot of young people from taking risks. I say think less about what will be a "wrong decision" and more about where you see yourself down the line--try to picture yourself in twenty years. What are you doing? Where are you? If your image is a happy one, take some of your cues from there.

washington dc: How do you handle not knowing what you really want to do in life?

I have a job, don't like it but not really sure what the heck else I would do. I have some ideas but, I'm scared to branch out. (I want to do retail or nursing).

I know the bills need to be paid so I am sticking with my current job. But when does the 23-26 age range start to try and figure out why they were put on this earth, what is their purpose here, and how many jobs do you go through before you are happy?

And why can't you pay rent with a Visa?

Tara Bray: Last questions first: You actually CAN pay rent with a Visa in some places--big rental agencies (or if you're still in school and paying your college) will often take credit cards. IF you can pay off your balance each month, and especially if you've got an affinity card (mileage, cash back, what have you) paying by credit card might be a good idea. If you're doing it because you're in debt--it's definitely NOT a good idea, and you need to consider how you can reign in your expenses so that you've got enough to put a roof over your head.

As for your first question, sounds like you have some idea already about where you want to go next. At the same time, those are two fairly divergent paths. Retaiil you need to get in there and get experience, nursing you'll need training and school--at least for a year or two--before you can get started. Considering where you want to go next might start with simply looking at which of these options seems best fpr you right now.

While I'm of two minds about keeping the job while getting your toes wet in another profession (tends to result in your being scattered rather than really getting a sense of the other job), you do have to pay those bills. Could you look into a night program for nursing? Or perhaps scale back work hours in your current job to part time so that you can take on a retail position? Until you try what you're after, you're not going to know whether it fits.

washington dc: How would you recommend paying off student loans? Do you think i should pay as much as possible as soon as possible or pay the minimum balance in the beginning and saving (or investing) my money for the first years?

Tara Bray: This is a good question--one I have struggled with myself (as have a lot of folks in our position). If you have more than enough steady income right out of college, I would try to do both. Pay more than the miniumum on your student loan balances AND put aside 5% or so a paycheck to an IRA or other long term, safe investment. (I would think hard about high risk--especially if you've already got debt.) If however, you're in the position (as most of us are) of just having enough to pay your minimum, plus a little extra discretionary money, use that extra to put aside for retirement. Your student loans are going to stay capped in terms of interest. Money you start saving NOW for retirement will only grow--and grow--and grow. What you DON'T want to do is default on your loans. It screws up your credit and makes sure that you won't get more student loans (the best deal going in terms of interest rates) if and when you decide to go back to grad school.

hyattsville, MD: I was wondering, how do you get over the loneliness of being on your own?

How do you meet new people and possible mates without venturing out on the streets alone?

What are the benefits of single, young living?

Tara Bray: Ah, the REAL reason why we're afraid to graduate--all of a sudden there's no one around! I think one of the oughest hurdle post-grads face is not having a built in community. They're used to having all sorts of people around, as well as the resources (career center, gym, library, health services, cafeteria) that you have in college. Finding your own way with this stuff—-building your community, really building a life for yourself according to what your own goals and dreams are, I think takes a good chunk of your early twenties.

That said, DON'T GIVE UP HOPE! Life after college has the hidden benefit of introducing you to people from all walks of life--and age groups--that you probably didn't have a chance to pal around with in college. It takes a while to meet people, but eventually you do. I've given lots of suggestions in "Why Won't the Landlord Take Visa?"--check them out--but some of the ways I met folks after graduation were:

--Take a class. Whether it's writing or painting or French literature or how to change a car tire you're into chances are there will be others who are into the same thing.

--Volunteer. This can mean going to a shelter a day a week, playing Scrabble with an elderly person in your neighborhood (I did this). You'll feel good and you'll have a chance to get out and meet people you might otherwise not have the chance to get to know.

--Get out. This is important. I still run into the problem of: "It's Friday night. Might as well rent a video and eat Thai take out." Even if you don't have plans, take yourself out. You never know what might happen, who you might strike up a conversation with--whether platonic or otherwise--unless you LEAVE THE HOUSE.

The benefits of living young and single? If you've seen Bridget Jones Diary, you know the pitfalls--but truly, the greatest benefit of being on your own--especially in your twenties--is that it gives you a real and authentic sense of who you are and what you want. Going to bed alone night after night can get depressing, but it makes you really look at your life, extract enjoyment from what YOU do rather than what your partner gives you. When you've got some of that figured out (thank god for your thirties), you're more ready to share your life with someone--for real.

washingtonpost.com: And don't forget about asking relationship and love guru Carolyn Hax.

alexandria VA: Great graduation gift idea. How can I get this book?

Tara Bray: Thanks--I'm not sure whether they'll read it (college grads have a way of thinking they know everything already--I certainly did), but mark my words, in a few months they'll be cracking the pages. you can get the book by going to your local bookstore, or by going online to bn.com, amazon.com, or review.com, the Princeton Review's web site. You can also get the book by calling 800-733-3000.

Cambridge, MA: I'm worried that once I get a job and find a place to live that I'll never get any exercise. In high school, I was very active. In college, I've gotten a little out of shape. And now I'm worried that I'll really be letting go. Like most people coming out of college, I'll probably be married to my job for a while. Any ideas?

Tara Bray: This is actually a real problem--once you're giving everything you've got to your job, there's not a lot of room left for what used to be your life. (This includes hanging out with friends, cooking, just having quiet time to read a book, etc.) While it's important, I think, to really make time for yourself during your week--Sundays, you'll probably note, soon disappear to bill paying and cleaning the house--there are fairly concrete ways that you can get exercise into your routine without having to spend a few hours each day.

Consider taking your lunch hour/half-hour to walk, run, or go to a class. Many large corporations offer in-office yoga classes (which have the added benefit of relaxation as well as fitness), aerobics, etc. This is a way that you can take a time that you might normally overeat and fill it with some activity. Lunch you can have at your desk afterwards--something high protein, high veggies, low carb to take you through the afternoon.

If that's not a possibility, consider your transportation to and from work. Can exercise (biking, walking) be made part of that routine?

If all else fails, set your alarm an hour earlier and just make yourself get up and do your exercise of choice. Don't wait till after you're burnt out from work. Also, morning exercisers have a tendency to stay with their routine longer and with more frequency than evening/afternoon exercisers.

washingtonpost.com: For more fitness advice, take a look at the Strength and Fitness archives and the Health section.

Bowie: Which would you say is a bigger problem for recent grads working at their first "real job:

Not having as much money as they thought they would, or having more money than they know what to do with?

Tara Bray: Unfortunately, I don't know if money is really the issue with people's first "real" jobs. Though I would say that for those who are certain that they have more than they know what to do with, an inflated lifestyle will soon take care of that. If you're making a lot of money, work hard to put yourself on a rigorous budget--enough so you can live on--and put the rest away into various investment/retirement options. You'll have the freedom in a few years to really consider what you want to do.

I think the real problems with one's first job are more subtle and are about issues having to do with who you are, who you've pictured yourself to be in your first work experience, how well you're pacing yourself (first jobbers have a tendency to burn out unusually quickly) and whether you're paying attention to what you're liking and not liking about this first experience in the "real world." Your salary, while important, is less important than the experience you're gaining and how you'll use that experience to shape your future.

Fairfax, VA: On the lighter (and possibly more enjoyable) side of things, what are your suggestions on shopping? Oh, and what percentage of your paycheck should go towards your rent?

Tara Bray: First things first: rent, unfortunately, needs to be considered way before shopping. For some lucky folks, rent is only about a week's worth of your salary. For others, most notably those living in big urban areas like San Francisco or New York City, rent can eat up as much as half of a paycheck. You should try to keep it between one and two weeks' worth of salary--if you're exceeding that and going into debt because of it, you'll probably want to rethink your living situation--perhaps looking into a share or some other cheaper arrangement.

As for shopping--well.I've got a bunch of tips in the book, but a few I've found helpful:

--Always bargain. If you see something you like that's got a little chip/stain etc in it, or if you're asking about rental cars, hotels, etc, don't be afraid to ask if a bit can be taken off. You'd be surprised, in our consumer culture, how far retailers will go to keep a customer.

--For household items hold off on getting new unless you really need it. Thrift stores/rummage and garage sales have GREAT stuff for the house, with lots of character and quite beautiful, at a price you can actually afford. Save your $$ for shoes--which really should be new...

washingtonpost.com: For the folks asking questions about financial planning, take a look at our personal finance section and the Motley Fool.

Kailua-kona, Hawaii: How do you handle family vacations after
graduating from college?

Do parents still pay or should the new
graduate start paying for their own
vacations?

Tara Bray: Well...as I have some experience on this subject...

I've heard it a few ways: some say that parents are parents, and should pay for their kids even until adulthood. The idea being, you'll pay for your own kids when the time comes around. Karmic repayment, if you will.

Of course, these days young people stay "young" (and often under their parents' wings) until well into their twenties. Gasp! (We've heard even into their thirties!)

With this in mind, it's a good idea to talk things over with the folks and tell them what your concerns are. Most likely you'll be able to work something out where they might take a bigger share of the financial burden of a family vacation, but you can pay a predetermined sum or offer group dinners here and there--manual labor (dishes, post-ski foot massages and the like) also might work here.

Of course, you might want to consider letting your beloved parents take their vacations in peace, without you.

Bethesda: This isn't so much of a question as an observation/affirmation of a point you made earlier. I'm in my mid 40's, married, kids, good job, all of that. It's a good life but I vividly remember the difficult times being in my 20's, out of college, and wondering what to do with my life. Early on, someone told me that best thing you can do for your career/self at this stage of your life is learn. I took some off-the-wall jobs (e.g., teaching overseas) that continue to resonate with me. I wish I'd done more, off-the-waller things, but, that's OK. Things will work out. Trust yourself.

Tara Bray: Thanks for the input...everything I learned in the book is wisdom I picked up from people older & more experienced than me...some things, it seems, simply can't be taught in school.

Somewhere, USA: I think the idea of postponing payment on a debt(ie: student loan) in order to invest the funds is interesting. It only works if the return on the money you invest is higher than the interest you are paying on the debt. If you qualify, you can decuct the interest on the student loans off of your taxes, which throws another wrench into the equation. However, I had a friend with $40K in 9% student loans dump a $20K bonus into the market at its height only to see that drop to less than $5K today (with a return not much higher than what he is paying on his debt). Risk and Return. Of course hindsight is 20/20.

Best rule of thumb: pay off your highest cost debt first, making minimum payments on the remainder. As each debt is paid off, put that money towards the remaining debts until all are paid. Reward yourself occasionally or you'll go mad. Also, if you work for a company that matches ANY amounts on a 401(k) or similar plan, PUT THE $$$$ IN THE PLAN! It's like throwing away a free raise if you don't. Plus, any money you DO put aside reduces your tax burden. Young people should ALSO consider a Roth IRA, as it takes money taxed at your lowest rate ever (at a time in your life when you make less $) and you get to take it out TAX FREE after you retire when your tax rate is likely to be higher than it is now. What a deal.

Always pay yourself, just write a check when you write out your bills every month. The killer dress can wait; your financial security can't.

(my humble opinion only, of course)

Tara Bray:

washingtonpost.com:

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Rockville, MD: I just graduated from college with a great GPA in business. The problem is I have a record from 1996. I have changed, and was wondering if it would be hard for me to find a job. I tried for couple jobs but not luck.

Tara Bray: I think the most important thing you can do if you've had some trouble in your past is be open about it with your employers. They'll appreciate your forthrightness and be more apt to perhaps help you out. Added to this, it might be easiest if you work from the inside, asking friends and family to helpl with ideas for work, passing your name around, etc. Once you've developed a good resume with clear experience, some trouble from the past won't make as much of a difference.

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