P.J. O'Rourke

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P.J. O'Rourke
Writer and Humorist
Monday, Sept. 10, 2001; 2 p.m. EDT

From his National Lampoon days in the mid-70s to his current books and articles, humorist and best-selling author P.J. O'Rourke has dissected and ridiculed the rich and powerful. Inspired by Oliver Wendell Holmes's "The Autocrat of the Breakfast Table," O'Rourke's newest book, "The CEO of the Sofa," is a collection of essays and new material from the past year touching on topics as diverse as the UN, mainstream media, The Clintons, parallel parking and MP3s.

O'Rourke will be online Monday, Sept. 10 at 2 p.m. EDT to take your questions and comments on his career, his new book and whatever is on your mind.

A transcript follows.

Editor's Note: Washingtonpost.com moderators retain editorial control over Live Online discussions and choose the most relevant questions for guests and hosts; guests and hosts can decline to answer questions.

Marietta, Ga: P.J.--Long time fan-have most of your books and remember when you wrote for the National Lampoon. My question: Have you updated your "Enemies List" since 1993? If not, can we add anyone that has appeared on MTV, sports talker Jim Rhome,Howard Stern, and any actor with the last name of Baldwin?

P.J. O'Rourke: The brief answer is "no and yes."

The longer answer is that the enemies list was a product of the American Spectator back when that publication had a sense of humor and also existed. I am not sure what it's status is at the moment. Essentially the American Spectator was spoiled by it's success attacking Clinton and lost sight of it's basic mission which was to make fun of idiots, not to hate and detest them. As to the Enemies List itself, upon mature consideration I have decided that EVERBODY in politics is the enemy and probably everyone in Hollywood too.

Washington, D.C.: Why is there no good comedy in D.C.?

P.J. O'Rourke: There is an enormous amount of comedy it is just that the comedians are not aware of how funny they are. I give you Gary Condit on Connie Chung as an example. A huge improvement over Carrot Top.

John, Rockville, Md.: Mr. O'Rourke, can we expect an update to your fabulous Book on Etiquette? One that perhaps speaks to 21st Century oddities: cell phones, e-mail, William Clinton, etc.?

P.J. O'Rourke: Not exactly. But I am going to write something about child rearing now that I have children and that should cover much of the same ground. Children being the rudest people I have ever met except for adults.

Washington, D.C.: PJ, I've enjoyed your work, especially Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence and a Bad Haircut. Is there any chance that we'll see more of your earlier tales from Miami U. or your work for Harry?

P.J. O'Rourke: Unfortunately -- or otherwise - I have now published all of that stuff that I wrote, and I can't write any more of it because I am now at an age where I can't remember any more f it.

Alexandria, Va.: How did you start writing humor pieces? What was it that got you into the Lampoon and how did you like it there?

P.J. O'Rourke: I started writing humor pieces when I was working for the "underground press" as if we were writing newsletters for the writers union). I hadn't meant to be funny, but people laughed when they read my pieces and a comic friend of mine once told me that if people call you a horses ass long enough you should saddle up and ride out of town.

I foisted myself on the National Lampoon by pestering them for more than a year until they finally published something by me -- probably in hopes that I would then go away. I loved the Lampoon at from the moment it was first published -- they were kids just like me but they were so self confidant and polished in their goofieness. Working at the National Lampoon was the opposite of a normal job -- where you hate the work and you love the people -- at the National Lampoon the work was great but having a bunch of humorist gathered in one place is like having a bunch of cats in one sack.

Virginia: I attended one of your book parties at the Cato Institute several years ago. Are you still involved with Cato?

P.J. O'Rourke: Yes. In fact I am speaking at a series of Cato lunches this fall. Harking back to a previous question, Cato is so valuable because they do realize that everyone in the government is the enemy.

A little libertarian aside: it is important for people to remember that when they send their problems to the political system to be solved, that that political system can be described it two words - Gary Condit.

Bethesda, Md.: Love your writing. The clarity you achieve through humor is always enlightening. I've always thought that you were at your best when trying to convince the drug-addled readers of Rolling Stone how wrong they are on everything. Since I refuse to read RS anymore, I've missed your work there. Is that still a running gig? Also, I've found that the added responsibilities of wife and toddlers has cut down on time for the important things, like drinking and golf. Do you find that you're limiting your time away from home? It can't be easy to tell the missus that you're heading to Zimbabwe to wryly observe the taking of white farmers' livelihoods (and lives).

P.J. O'Rourke: I don't write for Rolling Stone anymore. I think they got tired of being told that they were wrong about everything and being asked if that was their mother's earing they were wearing in their tongue. I am now writing for their Atlantic Monthly magazine which means my talk is to convince a lot of highly educated perfectly sober people that they are wrong about everything.

I don't travel as much since I got a family. Not because they wouldn't like me to leave the house. But two small kids and a harried wife are funnier than anything I have encountered in the third world.

On Saturday I took my 3 year old daughter with me to Georgetown Cigars. She protested that the place smelled bad. I told her that I thought it smelled wonderful. She said "Daddy, try smelling with your nose."

EG, D.C.: What's it like for a conservative to live in Vermont? Have you had Ben and Jerry over for dinner?

P.J. O'Rourke: Thank goodness I do not know. I live in New Hampshire but we are familiar with Vermont. It is San Francisco ion snowboards.

Ballston, Va.: PJ
What was your favorite destination for having to write an article for Mens Journal?
Any upcoming travel locals for a good article?

P.J. O'Rourke: I spent Easter in Jerusalem and have an article about that coming out in the Atlantic Monthly.

My favorite destinations are the places that give me the most to write about rather than places I would like to go back to, but Tanzania was an example of both. The Tanzanians are great, their government is screwed up and Ngrongro crater at sunset is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.

New York, N.Y.: Why don't you find libertarianism as ludicrous as you find "government?"

P.J. O'Rourke: Well, libertarians don't take a third of our income and run the entire world (badly). Although meetings of the Libertarian can be pretty hilarious when you get cornered by a high school algebra teacher who wants to talk about privatizing the sidewalks for an hour. Although for all I know he might be right.

Washington, D.C.: No question, just a comment. I am a Certified Pinko through and through, and I have loved your writing for years. Even though you and I are opposites politically, there are many times that I read something of yours and think "he makes a good point." Plus I can laugh at myself. Parliament of Whores was probably my favorite--it gives me a very different view of public service.

I still vote Democratic, though.

P.J. O'Rourke: Actually, we are not political opposites.

There is a real and serious debate that should be taking place about how much government should and shouldn't intrude on individual liberties. My real objection to bad politicians is not that I disagree with their positions on the size and scope of government but that bad politicians make this debate difficult to conduct and often deeply dishonest.

Jackson Heights, N.Y.: Good afternoon, P.J.!

Two questions for you: If you could be anyone from the American Revolution, which would you be and why? And what kind of tree would you be?

Thanks for listening!

P.J. O'Rourke: I would be a female Ginko as anyone who has one of these in the yard knows, they are the terrorist of tree society and every fall wreck vengeance for clearcutting everywhere. As for the American Revolution I think I would choose to be a rich arms manufacturer on either side, that is usually the best person to be I a war.

Oxford, Ohio: On your NPR interview last week, you pronounced the recent UN conference on race relations a dismal failure and a generally ridiculous enterprise. Do you ever feel badly about ridiculing people and efforts that are done with sincerity, even if unsuccessfully?

P.J. O'Rourke: I try to ONLY ridicule people who's efforts are sincere. Very little trouble has been caused in the world by insincere efforts. An occasional seduction maybe. There were very few insincere Stalinists of Nazis.

P.J. O'Rourke: Although come to think about it, nudists are sincere too. So I may be all wrong about this.

Vienna, Va: Years ago in an advice piece you wrote on romance, you advised that the most important step in a new relationship was "getting her drunk". Does this advice still hold in a new century?

P.J. O'Rourke: Not only do I deny ever saying that, but if you ever tell my daughters that I did say it, I am coming after you with my duck gun.

P.J. O'Rourke: Ps- one of the problems with being a writer is that all of your idiocies are still in print somewhere.

I strongly support paper recycling.

Washington, D.C.: With conservatives like Senators Helms and Gramm retiring, what are the prospects that the GOP can regain the Senate?

P.J. O'Rourke: I have gotten to the point where I don't care. The purpose of the Senate is to keep 100 middle aged knuckleheads out of the private sector where they can do real harm.

Arlington, Va.: George W. Bush: idoit President or misundersood President and hence incomprehensible to most idiots?

P.J. O'Rourke: As a libertarian I believe we should have a federal government simple and circumscribed enough to be run by a average, dull, normal American. With George W. Bush we have half the equation in place.

Atlanta, Ga.: Are there any plans for a world tour/book signing to coincide with your new book? Where can we get a schedule?

P.J. O'Rourke: Atlantic Monthly press is sending me all over the place (mostly by air freight) because book signings are cheaper than buying advertising. Unfortunately I have no idea whether Atlanta is one of the place I will be UPSed to.

Herndon, Va.: Mr. O'Rourke: You are my favorite author. In your journey from "hippie dope-taking liberal" to "judicious alcohol-drinking conservative" was there any point where you looked at the history of your life and said "What the hell happened?"

P.J. O'Rourke: No. I had a clear road-to-Damascus experience. When I was a hippie I thought I was a Socialist. Then I got my first paycheck and found that state, federal and local governments took almost half my pay. Thereby I discovered that we had socialism already. And since I was opposed to the status quo I went out and joined the Republican Party.

P.J. O'Rourke: Thanks for the questions.

I am pleased and flattered by the response and promise to buy you all a drink when I'm in the neighborhood.

washingtonpost.com:

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